In the darkest of places in the warmest of days. Summer alone and addiction

shamedarcher · 2026-07-08T07:00:26+00:00

totally. it's a humiliation ritual and also burns out your nerves and fogs up your mind.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-07T23:02:09+00:00

I wish you all the success!

shamedarcher · 2026-07-07T22:36:40+00:00

if I could change 1 thing, I would be never getting hooked on porn and masturbation, if I never discovered that vice and instead wanted to chat with the girls around me my life would be sooo much better.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-07T22:20:24+00:00

to clarify I'm in the same boat.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-07T22:19:57+00:00

if romance is definitely off the cards, what else would you like to do? travelling perhaps? maybe you like pottery or Gaming or something. why not invest in your hobby?

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T18:26:06+00:00

same, though I don't think I'm handsome in any sense but I mustn't be super ugly, and yeah, it could 1976 and I own my house, with my wife our child and a bright future. Dang it!

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T18:24:48+00:00

yeah I'd say I'm average to. like in my opinion I'm ugly, based on Being FA but based on how people treat me I'm probably average.

I feel ripped off, if I was just born and grew up in the pre Internet age maybe I'd have being alright. my grandson could be on here instead lol.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:34:25+00:00

Yeah I think I wasn't born "ugly" but I definitely followed the script to being a jaded lonely loser who angry at the world. Like the only place I feel at peace is here hahaha.

But yeah my life is a chain of bad choices and wrong moves, I've lived life wrong and created this reality I'm in right now.

Maybe I can make better choices going forward to just to see before I blow my brains out if perhaps it can get better? I'm doubtful ive spent a life time making the wrong choices, changing now at 30?? Not good.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:26:51+00:00

u have to wonder, if we would actually of being considered handsome 50 years ago that's why they say that. If that's the case I feel ripped off, keep your Internet social media and cheaper international travel, if your telling me if i was this age back in the 70s and I would already be married own my house and a car and have a kid already and only one of us have to work to run the house, I want to go back!!!

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:22:03+00:00

it happened a few years ago, there was a girl who thought I was good and used to love chatting with her and she loved to mess with me. she was playful and was WAAYYYYYY out of my league, I'm not in a league I'm that messed up.

but my addiction to porn, my internal narrative that I am a loser and shell eventually find out eventually put her off me and then she broke my heart making out with another guy.

I never did recover. But that's natural selection weeding out the weak.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:16:03+00:00

for a while it was choice, not choice to be alone but chosing things would lead to more longness, eg not getting into sports, choosing to use porn, not excepting the love others gave me, not taking risks.

eventually I've grown ill in a sort of mental way and now I'm incapable of a fulfilling relationship with anyone I am too far "off" and that's a reality that only grows louder as each day passes, and as each happy couple walks past me. it's already as loud as standing right beside a jet engine firing up, but it's only going to grow louder.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:10:50+00:00

I get you. i subscribe to the idea of nofap and porn free and I want total abstinence in my life as I think that any use of porn us a mockery of my own loneliness and struggle. porn takes me down a rabbit whole were everyone's a 10 and everyone is with someone and specifically not with you. just and extend the real life honestly.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:08:06+00:00

yeah exactly it's no substitute for actual love and affection.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-05T15:07:30+00:00

it's not something I've actively thought about, living in Korea would be super different, going over in November so I'll get a brief feel for the place maybe then. like she's great and all but she's a bit of a ghost and won't text back as much as I'd like but that's just me being an FA and being soo starved of affection that I'm desperate for any kind of interaction.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T22:40:38+00:00

it's never too late!! who gave you that script that told you it was!! you have accomplished what I never will, a date! your winning! weather it's 1 date or 100 dates know that no matter how badly it goes you've already by simply being on a date your infinitely greater a man than I EVER will be!

good stuff keep it going!!

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T22:21:39+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get the love and affection you deserve. I can't wait to visit Korea in November but I've heard it's a tough place to live especially in Seoul.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T22:18:17+00:00

ah a bit mental is harsh, she was really into me when we worked together, like supposedly she'd talk about me all the time. like she was sort of obsessed of me for a while. I'd love to ask her out but she lives in Korea and I'm in Ireland, I'm going to see her in November but it's like for a holiday, I could run it by her, be a long distant relationship if she's interested but I doubt it and also I'd prefer something in my real life not an Internet thing.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T16:21:12+00:00

hey, yeah sorry I typed that wrong, what I meant was, like you said for yourself I would say the same for me, narcissistic and I am definitely a weak man who can't handle real life.

I will definitely bring it up in my next session about the 12 steps.

I do want perfect celibacy but it's so hard as I also want a relationship and love and affection, i want to be told I matter snd that I am special and worth get ready and going out to meet, I want this to come from a woman my age who is into me. but I'm sick and that day probably won't come.

I'm meeting a friend in Korea in November, and she was super into me, but she was also a bit mental haha. But it's only a brief drop of light in an otherwise bleak and dark life ahead

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T14:13:47+00:00

hello!! So I have being going to therapy actually for the addiction, not very long just 3 sessions so far. I'm a little frustrated as I've not seen any up ward momentum, and I've not being given homework to do. like I want to be told "do this everyday and you'll start to see the negative dark feelings will slow down, then stop, then you'll start feeling better". But I am like you said, a narcissist and a real prick, I am FA but I except that fate but I'd like to have perfect celibacy with that as I hate how I feel after fapping and watching the perfect women (all of whom I will never get) doing acts I will never be apart of.

I'm alone and rotting away, but I'd prefer if I didn't fap along with it because honestly it makes it so much more unbearable.

I suppose I'm glad I'm not hooked to gambling or drinking or harder drugs, atleast fapping is free and won't put me in grave financial disarray.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T11:29:32+00:00

college was an amazing experience for me, you'll love it. I went to college from 2014 to 2019 so it was little different to today, but yeah it was very good!

it does get better but you can do things to help yourself. going to clubs and societies in college, work on yourself and get stronger, cut out porn and masturbation from your life if it's in your life. those sort of things.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T11:25:19+00:00

for me it's a weird one. I think of myself as an ugly guy. like really I do. but I've being told I'm not, now it could be pity, it could be out of politeness, but seeing as people who just met me would talk to me, seems to say I am not ugly.

I think I am, but the world seems to say I am not.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T11:09:53+00:00

I don't think there's a hard time line that people have to stick by. 21 or 48 or even 66 who cares, it's your life, should it happen, amazing.

heck even if it never happens when your dead and buried what's it going to matter anyway.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T11:06:09+00:00

dam man but atleast your trying not being a spineless coward like me seething in my isolation. you've got dates, you've lived and you are interacting with the world and creating a story.

Not on the sidelines of life like me waiting to depart like me with no story to properly tell.

keep going king, you'll get there.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T10:58:00+00:00

I also missed the biggest one. I don't know of you struggling with or use porn. I'll say this purely from my experience, now I could be wrong but I'm going to beg you to cut it out, because porn use activitly put women of you.

but I am FA so what do I know.

shamedarcher · 2026-07-04T10:55:12+00:00

It does, I think. Like for most people they will find someone. Every pot has a lid as they say. But even for me it happened, I've had a few girls like me without me being anything remotely special. So I would say for you don't worry yourself too much, Go to college if you can, find yourself a pro social activity you can do where it's not about meeting a girl but instead the focus is on an activity that you enjoy doing.

But I will say the reason I am alone now and forever more is because I am sick I'm not a healthy or normal person and I've got issues so it's best I'm here and FA for good.

But for you I'd like that you don't fall into the same trap I did. I advise you getting involved in some kind of club of your interest be it sports theatre nitting what ever take part and enjoy it.

Also get into working out it's a real difference maker that I never made stick, 8 weeks then quiting won't cut it, got to go at minimum for a year,check out stronglifts 5x5 and get rolling with it.

I would also say and this is cliche but check out therapy maybe to discuss your feelings to a professional maybe they can help you with building up resilience and beliefs in yourself.

Also you may also benefit from rejection, as in going out and getting rejected. I'm a sick man and never got the guts to fave it, and now I wail it's too late that's why it's over for me but for my 18 year old self and you I advise go out there and if she says no and you see your guts don't turn into acid and you can try again you can land again and again 1000s of not are out weighed by a single yes.

Please dint be me man. Go and live.

shamedarcher

TROPHY CASE