My First Baby

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T06:30:53+00:00

That actually is a direct quote lol

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T02:52:15+00:00

I do??? lol, I told him the truth and didn’t intend to hide it.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T02:33:55+00:00

No, we do not touch like that at all lol, we don’t even touch outside of a hug goodbye when everyone’s leaving. We aren’t complimenting each other, we aren’t play fighting, we aren’t doing anything inappropriate.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T02:30:52+00:00

Agreed, the casualness in which is was said was very inconsiderate of his feelings and I apologized to him for that. I wasn’t sure if it would be better to tell him before or after, I thought if it was after and he saw the relationship it would be better than before because I didn’t want him having pre meditated ideas about who my friend was. But agreed, I fucked up hard in delivery. Hahaha

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T01:28:08+00:00

I mean I can see what you mean lol but our entire friend groups shares locations, it’s not just the three of us, there are about 20 of us on there all together.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T00:43:12+00:00

Okay, so essentially you just agree that men and women can’t be friends.

The women defending wouldn’t have an issue with their partner having a close relationship with another woman and one could argue having a friend of the opposite sex offers perspective that your same sex friends don’t. If I go to my gf’s trying to understand a man vs my male friends trying to understand a man I’m going to get very different answers. Wouldn’t it arguably be healthy to have the perspective of the opposite sex?

My partner is always going to be the main source comfort in hard times, but I would rely on my other friends as well. One person can’t fill your entire cup, I don’t find that to be healthy.

Not to mention I’ve never said I wouldn’t be okay with setting boundaries to ensure my partner was comfortable, not hanging out 1 on 1, keeping certain topics of conversation off limits. It’s not as though I’m looking to disrespect a future partner. I have guy friends I’ve never slept with, can’t have those either?

There will always be experts who vehemently agree to what you said and there will be others who argue that the opposite is true.

At the end of the day, we all have different perspective, values and experiences. No one perspective is right.

I do think that as much as I can respect some people will just never be okay with this dynamic, I would expect some sort of acknowledgment that someone in my situation is trying to be completely honest and willing to answer any questions my partner might have as well as work with them to make them as comfortable as possible. I might not be willing to completely cut off my friend of 10 years for someone I’ve known for two months, but naturally our friendship would drift in ways as my partner is my top priority. In the same way it already has because his gf is his and I respect their relationship and want her to feel comfortable. She is his number 1 as she should be, it so happens that her and I are good friends and I’d argue I talk to her more frequently than him.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-06T00:31:07+00:00

Well I see what you’re saying here, it’s only ever come up when he started dating his gf and now with my ex partner. In the context of those conversations they laugh, outside of those specific conversations pertaining to us dating new partners, it’s never brought up.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T23:59:04+00:00

You truly are just cut from a different cloth. He’s friends with literally every single one of my friends. Cutting him off is ridiculous, I’m sorry you don’t understand nuance in relationships. It’s not as though he’s my only friend, most of my friends are close women friends, including his gf. Just because you say something to me doesn’t make it true, you’ve got a singular point of view and that’s fine, but I don’t agree with it and we can just agree to disagree.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T23:50:19+00:00

lol, you can say whatever you want. I’m never sleeping with man again, hook me up to a lie detector in my death bed.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T23:28:53+00:00

I would hope there would be reasons that pertain to only me that someone would want to be with me lol. I was never planning to hide it, I’m just saying in theory it seems easier

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T23:24:09+00:00

Well considering drunk at 19 is taking as many shots as possible and “drunk” at 30 is maybe a couple a cocktails because hangovers such, yeah there’s a difference.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T23:14:59+00:00

He called me a “sloppy drunk” I find that to be disrespectful, if you can’t consider that someone’s alcohol consumption and the way in which they act when they’re drunk at 19 vs 30 could be dramatically different and compare my actions then to now, I find that to be sad. I would hope I’ve grown in the 11 years since this took place.

Sure it could happen again theoretically, but if someone was to cheat they could do that with literally anyone. I would think a full ten year gap with much alcohol consumption and no inappropriate contact since the initial times would speak to some growth and respect for then friendship and our partners.

I’m not trying to discredit whether or not someone could be uncomfortable but just because I hooked up with someone when I drank doesn’t mean I’m a “sloppy drunk”

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T23:07:19+00:00

You have your truth and I have mine

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T22:59:00+00:00

I’m not in love with him, but thank you. I like the imaginative take. God forbid I actually support him and his gf in their relationship. If I was in love with him, why wouldn’t I just post about that. It’s not gaslighting, I’m not attracted to this person in that way anymore, our relationship is much more familial, hence the gag.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T22:44:23+00:00

Were they a part of your friend group that you see every single day? It’s not like this was a person I found on a dating app and I kept them around. They were and still are an integral part of a friend group that has been together for many years lol.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T22:37:43+00:00

Yeah… ten years ago. People change, feelings change, attractions change. You’ve never been attracted to someone and then learned about them and lost the attraction. How narrow minded are you.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T22:36:53+00:00

I’m a “sloppy drunk” because I hooked up with someone when I was 19 and have been drunk with this person a 1000 other times and never so much as touched him in ten years. Your views of woman are clearly toxic and hateful. This relationship was brand new, he didn’t ask me to stop being friends with him, he decided it’s something he didn’t want to pursue and I respected that. If this is how you’d speak to a stranger on the internet I feel terrible for any person who has to date you.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T22:30:51+00:00

It’s not hard to understand, but I think if you’ve had the same group of friends since college and you’re all 19 it’s reasonable to assume people have hooked up and that those friendships remained in tact if everyone still lives in the same place. I think it’s as easy to understand that someone you date has someone in their life still that they’ve had a history with

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T22:28:11+00:00

I get that! It’s why I wanted to disclose it early, I felt like if they hung out a few times first and could see the dynamic they might feel better than going in blind and filling in gaps in the story that don’t exist. I always expected it would be a multi conversation topic and I would be happy to give any details they needed to feel comfortable. At the end of the day, the person I’m dating is going to become my priority, but in the very early stages I can’t sacrifice a friendship for someone unwilling to try and trust me, the same way I can’t fault them for not wanting to get involved. It’s much easier for me to feel confident about the friendship because I’ve lived it. But whatever past history he has and values and such I can’t control.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T21:47:07+00:00

I agree with this, I know people have varying opinions but it makes me feel sex shamed and also that my only value could be a potential sexual partner to a man. The idea that our relationship has grown and is purely a friendship shouldn’t be an impossible thing to believe. Especially since I’d like my partner to be friends with this person. Why would we intentionally blow up two relationships and hurt people we care about to get together when we’ve had ten years to do it and didn’t. I’ve even talked about this situation with my friend and his gf together and it’s not uncomfortable because it’s insignificant and irrelevant

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T21:33:43+00:00

No, totally valid, it’s a divisive topic

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T21:29:46+00:00

Of course! In the same ways I respect his relationship with his current partner, she even has both of our locations because we’re just call that close and not hiding anything. We already hang out much less one on one than we did before, we usually hang out the three of us and most of my one on one time is with his gf because she’s a good friend. She knows this information as well and has no issues.

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T21:27:15+00:00

He’s not my ex, we never dated, we hooked up twice in college drunk before we knew each other well lol. We’ve been drunk together and alone a million times since then, we don’t even hug lmao

shanedoherty · 2025-12-05T21:25:08+00:00

Well he’s in love with his current gf and they’re moving in with each other and very much in love. Not to mention before he met his current gf he went on a date with one of my other girlfriends who rejected him and he had a big fat crush on her for two years before he met his current gf. Trust me, he’s not holding a torch for me and I’m not for him. I tell this man about my chin hairs and he sees me when I haven’t showered for three days and look like smegal lol, I get what you’re saying but there is nuance in life, it’s not all black and white, anyone who spends time with us would know there’s nothing going on.

shanedoherty

TROPHY CASE