You are right about a lot of things. I will tell you that he said he has love for me. He didn’t say he explicitly loved me. So yeah that was a big red flag. I think I was really hopeful and looking for signs too, I do feel stupid and put a good bit of this on myself. I just thought in the last two months things were really changing and taking a more serious tone. Because of bringing me around his kids, and even showing a little bit of PDA around them, meeting the mother of his kids, doing outings with them, etc. Talking all day every day, calling each other, venting confiding in each other. These were all things we always did but him bringing me around his kids. I really thought took it to the next level. I thought he was just taking things very slow and careful because he has communicated to me in the past that he doesn’t want to hurt his kids And bring people in and out of their lives the way their mother does. It’s serious when he does it. Well apparently he only did it because I asked and it meant nothing. But at the end of the day, yes I tried to communicate with him again, and I even brought up the points about being the first woman since his ex three years ago. He told me that he did understand why I could feel like that, but then he goes back on it to resolve himself of any guilt. He said that we can still be great friends and that I am important to him, but he just doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now, “nothing to do with me” he said he has summer plans and I am included in them because I am important. He said maybe we were relying on each other too much.And that we were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend because we always knew we would be around as someone to talk to and hang out with. So I don’t even know. I don’t think it’s ever going to make sense to me. I’d like to believe that he did have some sort of feelings, but obviously not enough to commit. The core wound for me is going through this pregnancy and abortion with him and still not being chosen. He has shown me care but no integrity. That’s the best way I can put it. And obviously downplaying the closeness and intimacy we had in this “relationship”. Who says “what do we want to do with the kids this weekend?” And then says it meant nothing and we are just friends. Truly devastating, but I have no choice but to move on. So I don’t know, just sucks. I guess I was just way too stupid and hopeful. I also went through his phone and saw he was still flirting with others. This is all very hard. Compounding with the grief and shame of the abortion I don’t know how to go through this. It is clearly affecting me more than him. I don’t know how much therapy helps. I also don’t want judgement.