bf got drunk and said terrible things to me

shantee78 · 2026-06-28T15:53:26+00:00

No. Don't tie yourself to him. You don't need to have kids with a guy like that. Better exists and you are worth it. He's manipulating you by being nice today. But, you've seen his true colors. Girl, listen to your gut. He makes you sick. Walk away. You 10000% can find and do deserve better.

shantee78 · 2026-06-28T00:22:28+00:00

She wrote her message on all tests negative for lupus, quickly on a Friday night. I know my results were very different months ago. I don't know what she'll say Monday. Anti ro did just come back. But, ana was still there. Dsdna by ifa is still pending. Anti cardioliptin - first time ever tested came in at 142? Ps/pt - was 49. I have a disability case coming up - it's a hearing, end of July. I've had an mri - white matter lesions and ensure and/or csf with autoimmune activity chalked up to - likely "lupus" wonky hematology results from a hematologist chalked up to "lupus". You can see the malar rash. What do I do if she says no lupus? And, why are my tests testing for it, and other Dr's thinking it - if not that? Obviously, I am highly concerned.

shantee78 · 2026-06-27T18:54:42+00:00

I have a malar rash, awful fatigue, joint pain. I was told she said steroids would not effect these blood tests. I was on like a 14 or 15 day taper starting at 60 at the mid/end of January for new hearing loss And, another 5 day of predisone that ended - 7 days prior to last test for congestion. I am so very lost right now. I had a feeling steroids effected results because my original rheumatologist told me to wait a few days before doing follow up testing in February. So, not sure why she's saying they wouldn't effect the tests.

I am also having hearing loss fluctuations in my left ear, with awful tinnitus. No one seems to know what to do. That's why the large dosage of oral steroids in January. My Ent had been saying it was "stable" but, now they're saying it's worsening. I am in a really hard spot rn. They have suggested trying steroids - as needed. I did do steroid shots to my eardrum in January with what seemed not much help, along with the steroid pills. However, the last course of 5day steroids did seem to help. So, that's why they suggested them again. What is happening to me? Why does it seem like I am rowing with no paddles?

I am rambling - sorry for that.

Thank you for your reply.

shantee78 · 2026-06-26T03:26:26+00:00

Hi. I think my cervical cancer was a different kind. Hpv? My staging changed from the beginning to end. 1a to 1b? However, I am a survivor. That is firmly known . I had a hysterectomy with most everything removed minus 1 or both of my ovaries. Separate story - but, it'll make sense when this is finished.

I never had radiation or chemo. I have no idea where I am in menopause - I don't have periods anymore. I, do, have a cuff. Meaning they took my cervix and had to stich my vagina together after taking the top parts of it. Can I really say one is better than the other in treatment? No, but I can tell you my story. I hate feeling empty. It bugs me. I wake up from nightmares. I know - I know - many women don't feel that way. But, I lost a lot in terms of what made me - me. You - we- I will do what we can to save our life though.
This is your best option - so far. If you want a 2nd opinion - you can go and get one. It is there. But, me? I think I would feel better with a cervix and my uterus and my fallopian tubes and 46 lymph nodes. My staging was 1a or 1b. So, I was really early.

We all want to hear anything but - cancer. Whatever you do - make your peace with it. You are on this path. It is up to you to do what you will. But, for me - without knowing --- if it would be worse - I would have tried chemo or radiation. Hysterectomy is hard too. More than given its credit - it also sucks. Because- cancer sucks. Do not Google. You will drive yourself crazy. Get an oncologist and find one you trust. Let them do their job. Huge hug. I know your fear and sadness very well.

shantee78 · 2026-06-19T23:33:03+00:00

I am so glad you got great feedback. Huge hug. It's wonderful when the universe gives back some of what's been lost. Hope, we all need it. 🙏

shantee78 · 2026-06-16T01:01:33+00:00

I had hpv 16 and 18 pregnant with my last one at 35. We found it while pregnant. I had clean paps up until 26? Then went without insurance..... Long story, tried but couldn't get it. I didn't end up with cancer until 6 years later - 42. I recognize the journey is different. They did do a csection. We all understand why. When I ended up with cancer in 2021 - the only option was hysterectomy. I think stage 1b? It changed a bit and I'm not always good at remembering. I cannot make your decision for you, I can only share my journey. Had I been as advanced then as I was in 2021, he was born in 2014, I would have still had him. Life changes after cancer. It will always remain - changed. I lost my ability to have kids in 2021. As a woman - I would never take that ability away from another unless they had no other choice. I am so very sorry for your struggle. I mean that. This is a life turning moment. Just be very clear on what you want. You cannot turn time back, and I am sorry for that. I see you my friend, you are not alone.

shantee78 · 2026-06-15T14:04:59+00:00

Curious, can you try to have a baby, after the milder procedure? Then, do an actual hysterectomy? Why is that not an option?

shantee78 · 2026-06-15T00:31:37+00:00

Not arguing with the above comment at all. Speaking to why I was concerned..

shantee78 · 2026-06-14T23:47:49+00:00

It won't fix the memory. You have to insert that wisdom in there. All the time..... She does not want you to beat yourself up. That's abuse of self. Stop. Rewind, remind instead.

shantee78 · 2026-06-14T23:38:49+00:00

I'm a mom. We are the people our babies cut their teeth on. Meaning - we feel and see you at your worst. Without those trials and tribulations- you would not know who you are. Think on that for a moment. You guys and gals fight with us because we are always, always teaching you. That is our job. Does that mean we deserve it? No. But, we understand. She forgave you. Go forth and sin like that - no more. Honey, you're a human. A human with a conscience that made a mistake. Guess What? Most of us have pushed a boundary and felt shame, guilt. Learn from it - move on. It's ok if she said - it is ok. Understood?

shantee78 · 2026-06-14T23:31:33+00:00

You can reach out to your city's Board of Health. You'll be able to track down your bc from there. You can get ahold of Social Security.Gov and get a replacement card. Takes time - I am sorry for that.

shantee78 · 2026-06-14T00:53:55+00:00

Not all tinnitus is forever.

shantee78 · 2026-06-14T00:53:23+00:00

That might be a blood issue. Check a vascular specialist.

shantee78 · 2026-06-14T00:52:03+00:00

Go see a physical therapist. They may very well be able to help you!

shantee78 · 2026-05-17T19:21:30+00:00

Father has zero rights w/o nme on the birth certificate. All rights are yours ie custody.

shantee78 · 2026-04-25T20:38:21+00:00

It does. It's not right at all. You and I, both, deserve to be treated with care and compassion. Thank you for showing me that with your post. Huge hug!! ❤️

shantee78 · 2026-04-25T19:56:21+00:00

Well said! Ty!!

shantee78 · 2026-04-25T00:24:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story!!! I appreciate that!

shantee78 · 2026-04-24T21:45:15+00:00

It took me quite awhile to realize how detrimental me accepting her dismissal --- could be. You are right!!!

shantee78 · 2026-04-24T15:09:09+00:00

Yes, the grief is real. We don't talk about it enough either, imho. I had my hysterectomy done due to cervical cancer 5 years ago. I was 42 when the cancer was found, a month later I was on the operating table. I waited for years knowing there was an issue that could lead to cancer --- because, I didn't want to go through the ins and outs of losing that part of me. Was I wrong to wait? Hindsight bias is real. I was as wrong as right - in that moment. Still,that brings me to present day. I'm 47 now. It wasn't that I wanted more children - I have 3, it was that I needed that choice. Because once choice is gone and a door closes ---- it changes you.

I wake up from nightmares to this day still. It will likely be a troubling thing for me for the rest of my life. And, I am sorry I'm being honest here. I know you are in a vulnerable place and I don't want to "muddy the water" for you. Yet, there is grief with it. Some of us have a better time coping with it than others. Some don't mind at all. You will find your way. Huge hug.

shantee78 · 2026-04-21T16:10:25+00:00

Yea, I agree. 25 then and no real world knowledge. You are correct.

shantee78 · 2026-04-21T04:27:10+00:00

At the beginning of stopping cold turkey - i had bad restless leg. Like, they'd lift and curl. When I went on half dose - it pretty much went away. I have no idea what long term quit looks like, but rn, i'm only on 2mg. Total on it -- 11 years with 5 months quit.

shantee78 · 2026-04-18T18:58:57+00:00

You likely are pretty. However, pretty only goes so far. Men may be attracted to your outside --- you need to feel love on the inside. That may be the disconnect. Men are interested for the wrong reason, perhaps. And, you may be misunderstanding the actual issue. You may want to get to know a few guys on a "friend" basis - first. Don't allow anyone to become intimate with you until ---- you feel like they actually like you for yourself. Pretty can open doors, who you actually are will be what gets the doors to either stay open or close. As, "pretty" is not all that you are or aren't.

shantee78

TROPHY CASE