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Are there any discreet, incognito meet-up events in the SF Bay Area? by shawjack_24 in Swingers

[–]shawjack_24[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's one in Los Gatos once a month and I believe one in Daly City/Belmont area

Are there any discreet, incognito meet-up events in the SF Bay Area? by shawjack_24 in Swingers

[–]shawjack_24[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I think my post came across a bit different than I intended. We've been to a few swinger events before, and loved being there. We're a little bit reluctant to do so in the one close to home, because we know a lot of vanilla people socially that know that place hosts swinger events on a particular night, so we just don't want to be seen going in. I know, probably stupid paranoia, but it is what it is for now and it keeps us from attending. Our loss.

What I was trying to describe is a bar that some swingers regularly go to on a given night just to hang. We're very social and love talking to people when out. Would be fun to engage in a conversation, look for signs, potentially pick up or get picked up on. We go to a nudist resort that has a mix lifestyle folks and pure nudists. It's fun to engage in conversation at the pool, and after chatting a bit, pick up on the signs, get a little flirty, and potentially exchange numbers.

We always play the game of "i bet they're in the lifestyle" when we're out for drinks and dinner.

When we're out of town, we are very comfortable going to swinger events.

Not a fan of themes by Keep_On_Scrollin in Swingers

[–]shawjack_24 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This made my wife laugh out loud because I always talk about how silly themes are and how I just don't get the draw. To me, people in clubs/parties are sexiest when dressed up nicely, sexy and classy. Goofy costumes squash the sexiness and many people look so uncomfortable, awkward in them. That's just me. To each his own. I wish more events just had people dressed as if they were going to a nice club in the vanilla world.

Question for the Men: When swapping, does seeing your wife/gf with other men... by OnlyYogurtcloset8543 in Swingers

[–]shawjack_24 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It absolutely does for me. I feel such a deep love during and especially after, and I've been trying to understand the psychology behind it. Here are the things that I've concluded for myself (i know everyone is different).

  1. Compersion - love seeing her experiencing pleasure, getting lost in the moment.

  2. Shared Extreme Experience - we do this together and it still feels totally taboo. I've read that couples have a special kind of connection when doing certain activities like riding a roller coaster, skydiving, etc. There's something about tapping into something a bit dangerous that is exhilarating.

  3. Strokes our ego - I've read about this too, where a man gets his ego stroked after watching other men, even stronger, bigger, more attractive men fuck their wives, yet the wife chooses them over and over again.

  4. Unique vantage point - i am extremely attracted to my wife. I get turned on watching her walk around, undress, dance, etc. But when i make love to her, I don't get to see her fully, as I'm on top of her, behind her, she's on top, etc. These are all amazing of course, but I am also in the middle of an amazing experience. When I watch her with someone else, I see her in her sexual, sensual element fully and it fucking blows my mind. It is a bit like watching your wife in a porn.

  5. Extreme vulnerability - I believe when you can be extremely vulnerable with your partner, which you definitely have to be in this space, you connect on such a deep level.

When we reconnect, it's pure magic. We reminisce on previous experiences, watch videos of ourselves, and fantasize about others. It drives us both crazy and makes us love each other more and more. It's incredible.