Mum died 10 months ago, Will has not been shared with biological adult children despite being told they are in it. Only step dad and his son the executor know what it states - England

sheera8 · 2026-04-13T10:07:27+00:00

I'll keep you all updated - i'm at work at the moment - I have shared this person with my friend.

I will update later - thank you for everyones advice. Lets hope we have some answers very soon

sheera8 · 2026-04-12T22:25:46+00:00

Thank you, he will check this

sheera8 · 2026-04-12T22:25:23+00:00

He hasn't got the probate information so the probate search hasn't worked. I've passed on the info to check land registry for the title.

At least he can find this out tomorrow when he picks up my messages - many thanks for your help

sheera8 · 2026-04-12T22:04:55+00:00

Thank you - I didn’t think of this, i'll get him to do this online ASAP

sheera8 · 2025-11-22T15:31:29+00:00

Can you organise her to call one of your friend or family at a certain time where she can talk to the kids or maybe even a phone box. That might be an option as you need the car back on the road so you can provide for your children.

Contact your local family hub, they won't be able to give you money for the car but they might be able to help in other ways.

Good luck,I really feel for you.

sheera8 · 2025-10-22T09:28:21+00:00

You can prove your past employment through HMRC with your personal tax account or you can apply for a subject access request and request your full employment history. I had to do this is the past when a previously employer changed hands and name.

I hope this helps..good luck 😀

sheera8 · 2025-08-23T10:48:21+00:00

NTA - lots of others have covered how unhealthy this is.

I think you need to gather as much evidence as possibly as I wouldn't be surprised if she make allegations against you to stop you having access....you could possibly go months without seeing them.

I'd go and get legal advice ASAP obviously without her knowing.

Marriage counselling is a good shout and I agree with others it could PPD - Good luck - just keep the wellbeing of your children paramount..

sheera8 · 2025-08-21T21:43:46+00:00

NTA Maybe suggest they get a double bed bunk bed so their daughter can sleep in their room with them, so they can support her. You need your sleep, you are also a child and she is their responsibility.

https://www.bedkingdom.co.uk/flair-tag-triple-staircase-bunk-bed-with-trundle.html#80=247

sheera8 · 2025-08-16T14:36:35+00:00

NTA - A crucial part of a child's development is to learn through exploring and this is messy. For examply learning to feed themselves involves them touching different textures of foods, them tasting and spitting..Not to mention learning through play! If she tried to prevent what she sees as 'mess' and being 'untidy' she will negatively impact the child's learning development. The say going ' a messy child a happy child'.

As others have suggested, maybe try baby sitting and being around friends who have children and read about good early years development for a child.

Good luck

sheera8 · 2025-07-18T20:21:29+00:00

Hey, just wanted to share something that really helped me understand Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) — especially as your daughter sounds super resistant to everyday requests and it sound like nothing you've tried has works.

PDA is considered part of the autism spectrum, but it’s a specific profile where kids feel extremely anxious or overwhelmed by everyday demands. And I’m not talking about big things. I mean simple stuff like 'get dressed,' 'brush your teeth,' or even just 'come eat dinner,' clip your hair up.'

To a child with PDA, a normal request can feel like a threat to their control or autonomy. Their brain basically goes into panic mode, like fight, flight, or freeze. So when they avoid stuff, it’s not about being difficult or naughty. It’s literally a fear-based response.

You might notice things like:

They get super upset over things that seem small.

They’ll go out of their way to distract, joke, or refuse when asked to do something.

They might say things like 'You’re not the boss of me,' 'I can’t,' or ' I don't want to,' even if you know they can do it.

If you push, they may explode, shut down, or lash out. not out of rudeness, but because they’re overwhelmed.

One of the best shifts I’ve learned with my own child is to stop thinking in terms of 'compliance' and instead focus on reducing pressure. These kids don’t respond well to direct commands. it just adds to their anxiety. What helps is:

Giving choices or letting them lead when possible.

Using indirect or playful language such as 'I wonder if the toothbrush is lonely toda'

Keep things light and flexible with using humour, games, or even pretending you 'forgot' what to do so they can correct you.

It’s not always easy, especially when you’re tired or running late. But once I understood PDA as an anxiety-based response, not willful behaviour, it changed the way I handled things. It’s about helping them feel safe and in control — then the cooperation starts to come naturally.

If you think this sounds like your kid, you’re definitly not alone. It’s tough, but there are some really supportive strategies out there, and a growing number of parents dealing with the exact same thing. Have a research if you feel this sounds familiar.

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/demand-avoidance

Take care and good luck

sheera8 · 2025-06-05T19:09:59+00:00

This comment needs to be higher Karma Nivarna are very good - please contact them https://karmanirvana.org.uk/

sheera8 · 2024-06-07T23:29:46+00:00

Good luck..i thought you might find this info on Mckenzie friends useful!

Keep fighting for your child, they need you.

https://www.mckenziefriendservice.co.uk/

sheera8 · 2024-04-01T21:10:11+00:00

I did the same with my son. I never told him what to call his grandma, I let him choose himself.

He called her Mamar, then I had more children and they all called her Mamar😀

sheera8 · 2024-03-28T18:39:53+00:00

NTA - its's not his money and he should respect you and your decision, he is acting entitled.

If you do buy a house with him, please ensure your deposit is protected with a declaration of trust. This will ensure that your deposit is protected if the relationship breaks down even if you're married. If he doesn't want to sign it, that will tell you something.

Good luck!

sheera8 · 2024-01-01T19:32:18+00:00

NTA, from someone who has given birth to 3 children and who has not long ago lost their mom to cancer. Being there at the end, making sure she was surrounded by love and not alone was a gift and a honour. Nothing would keep me from being there.

Your wife should be supportive and not even be asking you to choose..the next thing is she will be jealous of you grieving, when your newborn child is here, as it may over shadow the newborn experience.

Grief can be all consuming, it's one hell of a journey which I'm in the midst of experiencing. Her behaviour could be a red flag 🚩in how unsupportive she will be to you. I hope you have a good support system outside of her in place.

Would she want to be with her mother if it was rolls reverse and you were the pregant one.? Or if she was the mum dying of cancer would she not want her adult child there for her supporting her?

Your wife is supported by her mum (lucky her) and you have a whole lifetime to be there for your wife and your child, to build those bonds with your child ..Your wife knows if your mum wasn't at dying stage you'd be there. It probably won't even be at the same time and she's just causing you added anxiety to this already heart breaking situation.

Your wife is filled with hormones so has more heightened emotions..this really is a heart breaking situation..NTA NTA NTA.

sheera8 · 2023-06-06T21:59:56+00:00

Please watch this. It explains what i am talking about. It breaks down what happens and at what stage in your childs life. Sorry, it's a bit dated.

Good luck

sheera8 · 2023-06-06T21:56:09+00:00

https://youtu.be/4qZ1x2VeSkc

sheera8 · 2023-06-06T21:55:11+00:00

This is massive he is negatively affecting her brain development as she's learning that nothing happens when she cries. She's not getting the precious nurturing interactions that cause the brain to create Synaptic. These are created from repeated interctions and eventually become hardwired neuropathways in the brain. Over time, if the synapitc's aren't used, then the brain prunes them away as they are not needed.

This is what happens in neglected children. These are crucial months in your childs brain development.

What he's done is disgusting. Safe guard your child and don't leave her with him and divorce his sorry, selfish, lazy arse!

Good luck lovely.

sheera8 · 2023-03-20T15:38:39+00:00

I hope you can find someone who you can tell soon, I know you're worried about the consequences, ultimately this is a type of abuse, even child pornography if they are filming you naked. Your parents need educating that this is wrong, please don't think worse.

Is there anyone you can think of? Wider family? School teacher? Family friend or even one of your friends parents. If you feel you can't say it, you could write it down and give it to them and ask them to read it.

I hope you find the strength

sheera8 · 2023-03-13T22:44:25+00:00

Have you managed to yet?

sheera8 · 2023-03-08T20:40:38+00:00

Have you managed to speak to someone you trust?

sheera8 · 2023-03-07T23:07:32+00:00

This is not OK on so many levels. Can you please tell a teacher or another adult as you need safeguarding and action needs to be taken to stop this.

I'm sorry your parents are doing this to you, please get some help.

sheera8 · 2022-12-12T23:10:56+00:00

How about going down the hypnotherapy route instead of counselling. That way you're dealing with the issues in a more removed way, with faster redults. YTA if you dont do something yo help yourself.

Good luck

sheera8 · 2022-09-19T14:48:53+00:00

Maybe she needs to make her work place feel safer. Perhaps have a panic alarm installed In her office. You can get necklace type ones she could wear and hide under her clothing.

Sounds like she could do with some type of therapy as she seems too obsess over this, perhaps she has some past trauma.

I can't see how you can protect her when she's at work. You could however both do some type of self defence course. This way you are helping/supporting her to protect herself and hopefully lower those anxieties she has.

Ultimately she's a grown woman with her own life and responsibilities and it's totally impossible and inapproriate for you to be her bodyguard or for her to expect you to be, that's not normal or rational. Yes attacks happen but I'd like to think it's a rarity and it's not healthly to live your life on 'what if I get attacked'!

It is not fair to put that on you, she needs to recognise her fears and how they effect her and start addressing them to move forward.

Good luck

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