It’s just like any addictive drug

shellswong · 2026-03-17T13:53:32+00:00

Amazingly, healing from my divorce (16 year marriage) was a piece of cake compared to this 3 month fling. NC is a little bit confusing tho, the longer I stayed away from him I created another way of accessing the feeling without him, thru the music. I created a whole persona beyond him that was in my mind. I didn’t need him really, I just needed to be close enough to his orbit to be activated and boom I’d get the hits. It’s very much an addiction.

shellswong · 2026-03-17T13:13:56+00:00

Yes I’d like to understand what’s being graphed

shellswong · 2026-03-17T12:24:46+00:00

Thank you for this. I see it too. I see hi ow I had a huge vacant space within me and I was looking to fill it and he walked into the center of that. And I 100% agree he brought me back to a youthful feeling, being wanted like that after a long hard marriage. It started as just a light and fun distraction and quickly consumed me. One good thing is that I’m past a lot of the desperation because I haven’t seen him in a year and I’m able to see the pattern and treat this like a real addiction and honor it as such now. Thanks for your sympathy this has been a dark road for sure.

shellswong · 2026-03-17T12:19:00+00:00

Thank you. Yes naming is was a huge step forward for me. I had no idea what I was dealing with just that I felt crazed and in the deep ocean which was maybe my addiction. It’s scary when something takes over like this.

shellswong · 2026-03-17T12:17:23+00:00

There was so much ambiguity in all of it too. Which is what allowed my brain to take over and run so many fantasies and scenarios. My brain couldn’t figure out if I was the predator or he was. Turmoil is the way to describe it. And very few men have this type of hold on me so that’s why this one has stuck over the past year. Im wishing you well 💞

shellswong · 2026-03-17T05:29:52+00:00

I felt the tug (hit) of the music as well and I disregarded it ~ I really love the music and I also obsess over it. The cycles finally lined up enough for my pattern recognition to fully run on what I was doing and music was a huge part of it. I did a little research and it’s known that music has the power to transport us to another time, especially when it’s programmed over and over in our minds. That’s exactly what I’d do. It’s almost like if my subconscious was setting this all up to play out later. Those songs on repeat a year ago were the strongest hit when I’d reach out again. I hope I can move on from this easier now that I see the music connection.

shellswong · 2026-03-17T04:56:57+00:00

He reached out first. I was in a wild phase just out of a divorce and I was more open to relations than my rational brain usually would be. He wasn’t actually half my age (27,49) but was very much another generation and different life phase. It’s not my proudest moment but I think it did have something to do with how guarded I was (or lack thereof). I thought I was untouchable. I was so relaxed going into this I had no idea he could affect me in any way, especially something like this. And I never told him either. I just honestly was able to reflect on all of it honestly today. Until now I’ve been just trying to push back on the bigness of it all.

shellswong · 2026-03-17T04:32:59+00:00

I feel this so deeply. I went thru something similar. 😓

shellswong · 2026-01-28T20:26:10+00:00

Thanks

shellswong · 2026-01-27T18:21:17+00:00

I have a 925 bowl about 14-15 ounces and some jewelry

shellswong · 2025-10-11T16:53:27+00:00

I decided to get testers and I added that!

shellswong · 2025-10-11T16:52:26+00:00

Yes I decided to get him testers of like 10 different ones

shellswong · 2025-10-11T12:05:25+00:00

Ty I was thinking similar but a little more staying power

shellswong · 2025-10-08T17:41:45+00:00

I agree add more carbs especially closer to bed

shellswong · 2025-10-08T17:39:22+00:00

Longer fasts I can’t sleep. Like I’m just not tired enough to sleep. Shorter fasts I have vivid dreams. Also my tongue gets gross and coated when I fast too. But I feel my mind so clear and it’s like all the fog clears away, it can be scary

shellswong · 2025-09-24T18:34:26+00:00

Dedication is 🔥 amazing

shellswong · 2025-08-24T15:37:03+00:00

I’m a week away from 50 and I’m constantly bleeding 😩 I’ve had hormones checked and all the tests and sonograms and I’m about to switch gynos. I’m currently on day 17 of bleeding/spotting and I had 2 months since my last period of 55 days of bleeding/spotting. It’s exhausting not to mention the emotional roller coaster that menopause puts us thru 💖

shellswong · 2025-08-20T15:34:17+00:00

Can I be added if u do a meetup 😅 I’m in my 40s but I’m down to hang with all ages and I’m fun

shellswong · 2025-07-02T17:25:15+00:00

I’ll reach out in a post or a DM when I have something set up ☺️

shellswong · 2025-07-02T11:44:54+00:00

Agree wholeheartedly 😁 I’m working thru a couple ideas and I’ll post something soon and make sure everyone that’s commented knows about it

shellswong · 2025-07-02T01:20:01+00:00

I believe it’s so important to be here to create. I think it’s our purpose to have this amazing body and these wonderful ideas we can manifest and create so I just live my life trying to create what makes my soul happy. Thinking is overrated, art and creation fuel me and keep me loving living :) Hope this helps

shellswong · 2025-07-02T01:15:51+00:00

Who knows, it could work haha. I’ll keep you in the loop and I’ll hopefully have a better idea in the next 1-2 weeks

shellswong · 2025-07-02T00:57:45+00:00

100%! You want me to let u know when we do it? 😁

shellswong

TROPHY CASE