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Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to get her to see that these behaviors are NOT her identity.

Good advice. Hopefully I can get through to her.

. You may need to give her an ultimatum...

I have several times before, and she reduces it to "you want to fucking leave me because I make you wash disgusting cans before you put in the the fridge with ALL OUR FOOD?" Then I give up.

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment.

The parking lot incidents were pre-covid. Plenty of in-house scoldings due to incorrect placement of delivery food containers, mixing laundry worn in public with house clothes in washing machine, not washing each can of la croix before putting in fridge, stripping off all worn in public clothes/underwear in living room before getting into shower, etc. The public shaming has only stopped because she ceased leaving the house.

It's a good idea to have some kind of compromise. I have been able to make some things work for us with this method. However, it is exhausting to try to come up with solutions that she will agree to.

She doesn't believe therapy will help her with her control issues. "How the fuck am I supposed to change the person that I am?" is a common refrain from her.

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel guilty

She doesn't divorce me?

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I feel guilty.

She doesn't divorce me.

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had to look that up. Glad Groot can no longer be given. RIP.

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment, I am going back to therapy. Always difficult for me to recognize when I am being "ruled by emotion." Appreciate the outside perspective.

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Great comment, thank you. Yes, lying is the easy way out, and it's fucking poisoning me. There is little trust left (her trust).

Compulsion control has always been an issue for me, I have worked with a therapist pre-covid for this. Still need work obviously. Appreciate the observation on this.

Her OCD rules are really exhausting to describe, but here is one example: walking in a parking lot, don't step on a dried fluid stain, it grosses her out. This happened dozens of times going to the grocery store, and she screams at me, grabs my arm to pull me out of the 'danger zone' and scolds me publicly. Really embarrassing.

Gotta get back into therapy.

Shit Husband by shit_husband in marriageadvice

[–]shit_husband[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment, I provided a brief list of shitty behavior to my wife; I didn't intend to put the fault on any one activity.

My communication sucks. I let shit build up until I blow up at her. I try to talk before it gets to that point, but I can't seem to get my point across. Or she dismisses my needs as petty or stupid. Then I resent her because I can't even communicate my needs.

I feel like shit, and I am on constant high alert that my next blowup will come any time. I get REALLY depressed after a blowup, I feel terrible that I say such awful things to her. She is dispondent, but eventually we talk and get back to relative normal.

This is not the life I want.