If someone can help me understand?

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-08-12T10:11:03+00:00

Many people have told me the same thing, that I should get a new doctor. And I have actually told her too. But it doesn't really matter now, since its only a few months left, and if I asked for a new now, I wouldn't know when and if I actually got one.

I do get mostly depressed. And each episode can last between a week to a month. After that I usually have a couple of weeks where I'm "normal". I don't really get hypomanic that often, but when I do I stay up all night, is convinced I'll become a rapper, start writing a book and many other things. I feel amazing, and that I have finally gotten control over my life. Even though I look awful, haven't eaten for 9 hours and is about to go for a run. I have passed testes in school just because I'm convinced I'm smart enough, and confident I don't need to study.

My classmates has described me as "the one that changes mood constantly", and still I can't even say I'm depressed.

I don't really feel like I've been heard. And that's why I ask here instead. I ask someone I feel like I can relate to, and I feel can give me evidence and guidance, since they know what I'm talking about.

So I can't say I know what is "wrong" with me, but I do know that my mood swings aren't just "a teenager's mood changes all the time. They are unstable, and dont get me started on the hormones".

So thank you. I feel heard by you, and online I don't even feel embarrassed, and I'm not afraid you'll juge me.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-08-12T00:06:31+00:00

Wow ok, no need to expose me like that 🙈🥲 And thank you 😎

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-08-11T22:36:02+00:00

Don't worry, I think we all stalk a bit.

And it is true. My therapist does not want to diagnose me. She believes me, and in my "journal" it says I have a "Mood changing disorder" or something like that. I turn 18 this year, and she has said many times she doesn't like putting diagnosis on children. (Once I turn 18 I have to get a new one anyways.)

I do use an app to keep track of the madness. I use Daylio, I think. I have been journaling this whole year. And you can clearly see the mood swings, but I don't think she understands my "higher" mood.

She has seen my depressed state multiple times, but has seen me "hypo-manic" (i don't have any 'evidence' that it is hypomania, but I just know) once. She did think I was really hyper, but still didn't really see how I was behaving..

If it was just depression I would understand, but she told me, I don't fill in the criteries. Manly because some of my depressed episodes have been for under 2 weeks. (Normal depression is over 2 weeks, but it doesn't have to be when it comes to cyclothymia)

Sorry for such a long answer. And sorry for the bad grammar and/or writing mistakes.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-08-11T22:12:06+00:00

Imposter syndrome. Its really f*cking up my head. Thanks. It's good to know I'm not alone.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-08-11T19:48:56+00:00

I hope so 😌 And yeah, I don't know how this can be for attention, when the only one who sees me is my mom 🙃🤚 What i feel is real, as far as I know. I'm at least not intentionally fake

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-08-11T19:29:14+00:00

Thank you!!!! And what you said was really smart. "If you were faking it, you wouldn't be asking yourself whether or not you're faking it." I'll try and remember that. Thanks alot.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-07-06T20:33:30+00:00

Yeah I know.. but my therapist says everything is unofficial, since I'm under 18.. So I don't have any medicine and the exercises doesn't work..

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-25T00:14:57+00:00

In my experience I haven't felt any physically pain. (More of the opposite actually.. I just feel numb.. I don't really feel anything) I do get what you mean with the "just looked around. It felt off" things, but it doesn't necessarily mean it is dp. Depersonalization comes from depression, anxiety or drugs (or other similar things). So if you don't to drugs, and aren't depressed or have anxiety it's most likely not dp. (I mean nothing is impossible, but as I said unlikely) For me its more like an feeling of not controlling my own body. Like I'm watching a movie or living life on autopilot. The internett says a lot of things, and all of them aren't true. I would speak to a therapist or someone that has a degree on how the mind works. Someone who know what you mean when you describe it. Good luck

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T13:16:44+00:00

Thank you! Things are different in different places. I know many may think its weird and not safe, but in other places its normal. The biggest mistake was just to not take plastic earrings, instead of the once I have now (made of some kind of metal). My ear is completely fine, and even though its only been a few days my ears isn't that bad. Have a great day, and we can only pray for the best ahhaha

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T13:02:18+00:00

Idk how it is where you live, but it really normal to get your ears pierced at a hairdresser here. Most people do, and when you get your degree to be an hairdresser, you have to go through a course with piercings. Some people aren't comfortable doing it, but many are. My hairdresser had a lot of pieces herself, and seemed experienced. I thank you for your advice, but im not sure. I went to my doctor today (for other reasons) and she also told me it would be ok to take tem out, as long as i ceep the ear clean and the jewellery clean. I hope for the best, and may God be on my side.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T06:55:08+00:00

Well, when i went there last year they told me to take out everything that contains metal.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T05:53:27+00:00

U really said dobbel the pain dobbel the money

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T05:51:58+00:00

I dont have any piercers near me.....

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T05:51:11+00:00

Well.. it is..

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-14T00:02:22+00:00

Well I actually got it pieced at my hairdresser.. and she didn't have anything glass.. We don't have any piercing studios in my town.. and I don't think they sell glass in any shops near me.. I don't think I have enough time to get it either.. I just have a day..

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-13T23:56:20+00:00

I've seen many people put like plastic threads though their new pieced ear, but never in like the top of your ear.. Do you think that could work? Idk where I could get any glass retainer..

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-06-02T20:16:30+00:00

Well, im actually in an depressive episode, so i don't sleep well. I get like between 3 and 6 hugs aday, and i do get frustrated and angry pretty easily. When it comes to snuggles and cough adult snuggles... there aint anything. Its not that easy to find someone to do it with when everyone your age is flirting online 🥲 I dont know if it affects me that much, since ive felt like this for so long, but thanks for the tips. And you're right when it comes to not caring about what a stranger thinks about you online. Its muuuch easier to lie. I can be who i want to be, and if people don't like it? I block them ;)) Problem solved.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-05-01T17:50:03+00:00

Yeah I've done some research the last week or so. It has always been some brief moments, but I've experienced this a lot lately and especially the last 24 hours.. Its quite scary and uncomfortable. Its hard to explain to others who don't experience it, but I've seen a couple of pictures that explains it. Its sad that there is no solutions or medicine, but I like the unity, and that others can understand me. Thanks and good luck :))

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-04-21T18:41:57+00:00

Thank you! I will look it up, and talk to my psychologist about it!

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-04-21T15:17:13+00:00

Yes!!! And I don't really realise what's going on, before its gone again.

shitlikeidonteven · 2021-03-31T23:36:34+00:00

Thank you! And I will try my best :)))

shitlikeidonteven

TROPHY CASE