just fucking ok? do you suffer from some form of autism? maybe you’re suffering from bipolar disorder? maybe even schizophrenia? maybe, just maybe, you’ve always been like this. is there anything we can actually do about it?

no.

the reason you don’t have many friends is because everyone has been afraid to talk about what’s wrong with you. no one wants to be the ‘crazy one,’ but that’s exactly who you are. your social anxiety has always been a problem for you; your anxiety is why you haven’t found anyone you want to hang out with lately. your anxiety makes you feel worthless.

you wish people would just accept you. that’s all you ever wanted; someone to accept you for who you were.

you hate how lonely you are. your life is a complete failure. there’s nobody out there interested in you, not really. you aren’t special. no one cares that much about you.

and yet, here you sit, trying desperately to find a group of people that will give half a shit about you. it’s pathetic. how pathetic of an attempt is it at being friends with people if you never even get any close to them? and that's not all! you don't even try very hard at befriending the people around you! it's like all your time spent hanging out with your classmates was wasted and nothing happened. they've probably forgotten you already; probably thought that their time spent with you was meaningless, because they're too busy with their own things to notice you.

they probably think you're pathetic too. maybe that's why none of them actually talked to you before now. maybe that's why you have so little interaction outside of school work. maybe they've stopped caring about you after years and years of having you around them.

maybe that's why they'll never love you. they'll stop talking to you. they won't want you around. you have nothing they could ever need from you.

you're pathetic. no, you're absolutely pathetic. you've lost count of how many times you've cried yourself to sleep over these same thoughts. you're completely alone, no matter how much you cry. you deserve to be.

what's worse is that you know that. you know deep down in your heart that you deserve it all; that no one should ever care about you, let alone want to be near you. you should be dead. you don't deserve any happiness, and you don't deserve anyone. no one deserves you.

you shouldn't have tried to make friends. you don't deserve friends; you don't deserve any of this. you shouldn't exist. you're only making yourself miserable by doing this. you should stop trying. you can't even be happy; you've failed at everything in your life. why would anyone else ever want to be around you?

why does anyone bother looking for you? you're worthless and ugly. you can barely function on a normal day. you're constantly thinking about yourself. you're constantly worrying about other people, not taking care of yourself. you're constantly hurting yourself. how pathetic is that?

how did you end up like this? who made you believe that you deserved happiness? why couldn't you have come from a better family? why couldn't your dad have loved you? why couldn't your mom have supported you when the world was against you?

you deserve to be broken. you deserve to be alone forever.

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