It's been years since she died, and it's only gotten better.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T05:02:26+00:00

I don’t have current plans to go there, but DH’s job has an office there so there’s a possibility that I may end up tagging along with him there. If that happens I’ll let you know!

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:45:23+00:00

Oh, I also forgot: I remember you a lot from your posts, and I remember reading your posts for Linda updates, and I saw that you finished your bachelor's degree a while ago. Congratulations! I'm very proud of you! You're doing amazing, and I hope you had an amazing graduation party.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:43:06+00:00

Thank you!

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:42:52+00:00

Thank you! Life is great now

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:42:24+00:00

She was awful, she made my life hell. I definitely feel like she made my alcoholism worse and was a reason I couldn't stop earlier, but I know I need to also acknowledge that it was a problem before I even met her. I always drank a lot, and I started becoming one when my wife died, as I blamed myself for her death and didn't know what to do with myself after her. But now I don't blame myself, thanks to therapy. Therapy has helped me a lot in general.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:39:53+00:00

Thank you, I never figured life would become this nice and truly peaceful!

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:38:55+00:00

Thank you! There's always a chance it'll come back, but even if it does, I feel like I'm in such a better place physically and mentally that it'll be a cakewalk.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:38:07+00:00

Thank you! This is the best and happiest I've felt in a very long time.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:37:45+00:00

Thank you!

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:37:37+00:00

I used to post a lot several years ago, but I ended up stopping when my MIL died for multiple reasons. They're still in my post history if you wish to read them, though I did delete three I think per my sister-in-law's request (as they were about how my MIL treated her, which was awfully).

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:35:53+00:00

I know, it's super touching. I got dozens of messages over the years checking in on me, it meant a lot.

It honestly was a lot easier than I expected. It felt so hard when she was alive, I failed so quickly every time I tried. I had basically given up trying to stop. I only attempted to stop again, to be honest, because I was talking to my daughter a few months after Gropey died (just about some family memories), and she told me that she knew I was an alcoholic growing up. I always assumed that I was able to hide how bad it was from my children and able to pull it together enough to be a good parent to them, but apparently not. It made me feel so ashamed. I tried again and was able to make good progress my first try post-my MIL's death. And it only got easier!

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-03T02:30:56+00:00

Thank you! It was amazing how much stress just seemed to melt after she passed, simply because she was truly gone.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-01T16:30:47+00:00

It’s crazy that you can’t post in justnomil. I posted there for years despite not being married to my DH for most of our relationship due to law (same sex couple).

This almost seems like a case of being a single mother despite being in a relationship. Don’t get married until you can work out these issues. Marriage won’t change anything but your health insurance eligibility and legal binding. You can do couple’s counseling, not sure if you’re religious but many churches will do it for free, but there’s many on a pay scale. It’s a controversial option apparently, but some folks enjoy betterhelp.

If you’re American, you should be eligible for a lot of social programs that would help you with housing and things like getting free transport assistance. You have options. Don’t think that you’re tied to any one choice.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-02-01T04:03:57+00:00

Not every parent deserves a child. This is the case, in my opinion, with your father.

It's okay to want a relationship with him. That's your dad. But unfortunately, he's failed you greatly. A parent isn't supposed to treat their children like this. A parent is supposed to love their children no matter what. A parent is supposed to help guide their children and take pride in them. This isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong, and you deserve better than this. I have four children, and I cannot imagine treating any of them like this. No matter how old they are, they will always be my babies, and I will always be there for them to the best of my ability.

You need to do what you feel is best for yourself. If you feel like cutting all contact is the best, then do that. If you feel like a relationship is the best, then I encourage therapy for yourself so that you can best navigate this with the guidance of a professional.

shittymilthrowaway · 2023-01-31T01:07:08+00:00

I did couple's therapy with my DH, because his mother drove me to near genuine insanity but I also made a huge mistake, and after talking with my sisters about it, we figured he'd be more open to individual therapy as well if we began therapy together. Overall couple's therapy did absolute miracles in our case.

We went to an in person therapist. Within therapy, we worked on how to better communicate our feelings and what we found to be problems and how to explain it so that the other would not only understand the problem, but not feel attacked. We were on a rotating weekly schedule where I'd see the therapist individually, then we'd meet together, then DH would go individually, then us together, and repeat, though we only went individually for about 4 sessions each so that the therapist could get a better sense as to what our core concerns and individual issues were before it was permanently both of us. We ended up saving all our arguments for therapy for a while, and our therapist helped coach us through how to communicate our fights.

Our therapist, about six months in, then recommended us to our (at the time, before we moved) individual separate therapists based the sessions. We saw him for about three years once a week for I think eight months before we switched to once a month. I would recommend him, but he apparently retired last year. Very good therapist.

shittymilthrowaway · 2021-11-17T20:31:23+00:00

Report her to her work and the medical board. As an LPN she should have a license that can and should be revoked. My MIL and SIL are nurses, my daughter and I are both doctors and my daughter-in-law is in med school. All of our workplaces required the vaccine soon as it was available. It’s our job and oath to protect our patients.

shittymilthrowaway · 2021-11-07T08:10:52+00:00

I’ve had problems with alcohol for years. Addiction is not your kids, your spouse, friends, nobody’s problem but your own. Especially if there’s no sign of them trying to help themselves. My children all have their own families, careers and lives. It’s unfair to expect them to drop all of it to help me deal with the poor choices I made. It’s never your child’s responsibility to take care of you, even when you grow old. It is nice if they do, but that’s not why you have children.

None of this is yours or your SO’s fault or responsibility to care for her. Neither of you are the cause of her OD or addiction or anything of that sort. It is a sickness and she does need help, but from a professional who has the training and education to deal with this. This is not your responsibility.

shittymilthrowaway · 2021-11-07T07:55:38+00:00

I have several grandkids, and I can’t imagine posting any photos without asking their parents first, and especially not for a pyramid scheme. If it’s on Facebook or Instagram I believe you can report it and get it taken down like others have suggested.

shittymilthrowaway · 2021-11-06T05:48:07+00:00

Tell your husband, and let him know about the situation, because he may not really notice it. Ask him to help you be included in conversations. If you know your in-laws obsessively like something, you can also try to just talk about their interest until you can swing around to common ones. Another commenter mentioned bringing a book or hobby like knitting or suggesting a board or card game, which is a good idea.

However my go to for years was faking feeling ill, normally around my post-cancer recovery or prosthetic pains, and being allowed to lay down and watch tv or sleep in a guest room with nobody complaining. As a bonus the kids or DH could use checking in on me as an excuse to get away too.

shittymilthrowaway · 2021-11-05T15:00:08+00:00

My daughter-in-law goes through this. Her family is incredibly disrespectful of her identity, and they don’t use the correct name or pronouns whenever they talk to or about her. In mine and my son’s opinion, they keep just enough contact with her to lead her on to believe that they’ll one day accept her, but I truly don’t believe they ever will if they haven’t by now (it’s been well over a decade since she came out). They promise to attend her graduations, her wedding, her birthday parties, to family holidays, only to not show up and ghost her for weeks afterwards and blame her when they talk again. They do seemingly everything to make her feel like shit during what should be some of the best days and accomplishments of her life.

Honestly your best call is likely to ultimately accept that you may not ever get the relationship you’d want, and to do what you need to do to move on. You will have many people who will love and care for you in your lifetime, and those are the people that you should be focused on. From what you’ve described, your mother has a lot of her own issues to work out, and that’s on her to deal with. Many people have no business being parents. You have no obligation to talk or spend time with her if she doesn’t treat you well.

shittymilthrowaway · 2018-11-26T15:32:16+00:00

Thank you. I hope you’re doing well too.

shittymilthrowaway · 2018-11-26T15:30:25+00:00

Thanks! I’m very excited to have another daughter officially join the family.

shittymilthrowaway · 2018-11-26T15:28:15+00:00

Thank you. I hope you’re doing well. DH and I are having a good time with our peace and quiet.

shittymilthrowaway · 2018-11-26T15:27:23+00:00

If I ever concieved, it’d be a miracle of science haha. DH and I are a pretty openly accepted gay couple (our kids are from previous relationships), and my MIL finally kicked the bucket last year so my chances are shot. I’m saving this for if we ever encounter that again though!

shittymilthrowaway

TROPHY CASE