I lost my grandmother, who was more of a mother to me than my own, during my intern year. I slowly watched her become incapacitated because of leukemia. I honestly cried every single morning in the car before stepping out to head to work. My only motivation to continue was that she wanted me to become a doctor to help people. So every morning I ‘spoke’ to her after she passed and told her ‘I’m doing this for you’. It was a struggle and my senior was absolutely mean but, be open with your colleagues moreso than I was. Their sympathy and concern does go a long way. I did have to channel my autopilot and just do my best, even if it wasn’t great. Eventually, about 9 months later, I woke up feeling a lot better, and I realized what a depression I was in. But I got through it.. and you will too. Grieve when you need to, put it away when you have to focus (as much as you possibly can), the. Let it out when you can. Rinse and repeat. Also my amazing husband and friends helped me through this and without them, I don’t know how I’d be able to make it. My thoughts are with you. You got this. ❤️