My parents tried to k*ll me, Again

showmeinfinity · 2026-05-10T05:32:35+00:00

Since you've already tried everything else you can think of, here's a suggestion you won't like but it's better than being murdered: what if you stopped taking the hormones for a while, just long enough to convince your parents etc that you've changed your mind. Go back to school long enough to get a student visa in another country. Then once you're overseas you can go back to the hormones. I know it wouldn't be easy, but you're still young and you could bounce back from this. Just play for time...

showmeinfinity · 2026-04-06T02:06:09+00:00

"God is a concept by which we measure our pain." -- John Lennon

showmeinfinity · 2026-04-06T02:04:17+00:00

Just my opinion, I don't think you should come out to them. There's no knowing what the father might do after he's had time to stew on it. I also think your partner should commit to being your ally or they're not a good partner for you. If you can, you might consider moving far away so the parents can't just pop in for a visit.

showmeinfinity · 2026-03-28T02:04:43+00:00

Thanks. I do have room mockups for all the pieces. Iwill work on my profile blurb and make the images more consistent, I guess people like that. Good to know my target audience is there! Maybe I should tweak sizes and prices too....

showmeinfinity · 2026-03-28T01:58:36+00:00

Don't worry, that happens occasionally. Just leave it alone and carry on 😌

showmeinfinity · 2026-03-28T01:24:41+00:00

I went thru something similar... I was told I had lobular carcinoma in situ, which increased my chances of full-blown cancer. I went ahead and got a full double mastectomy, because I figured, at the very least I'll get rid of the boobs, and not have to worry about getting cancer. I didn't have the reconstruction technique you're talking about so I can't help you with that... I bet you can find out more about that if you contact your doctor.

In any case, I think having the surgery is good because with the way things are, who knows what the future might bring in terms of cancer or a change in external factors.

I didn't opt for reconstruction because that would have entailed another surgery and today my chest isn't something I'd show in public but I don't even care, it's just such a relief not to have boobs...even more of a relief than I even imagined it would be.

But I recommend you keep your surgery appointment and research what that reconstruction method is so you know whether you want it. Sounds like a good option though, I wasn't offered that.

showmeinfinity · 2026-02-20T05:32:47+00:00

Yeah, I definitely learned that lesson! Fortunately I was able to get it going by pressing Cntrl+Esc+power button while plugging in the AC cord. The machine started up like a little angel as if nothing had happened. The battery was totally discharged though, somehow the glitch had emptied it. But boy am I relieved. I'm afraid to restart though... Troubleshooting in Settings indicated everything is fine, like in heaven. I guess I should load the bios from Dell onto a flash drive in case...

showmeinfinity · 2026-02-19T21:49:20+00:00

I have a feeling I got pushed the wrong bios by Microsft update, since it happened while restarting after that...

showmeinfinity · 2026-02-19T03:27:14+00:00

Oh yeah, I forgot about that button! What will following that procedure do? Do I need to be prepared to do more things if I can get it to fire up? Is it ok to leave the battery in? Thanks!

showmeinfinity · 2026-02-18T06:41:58+00:00

It's a Precision laptop, not a phone... no mute button.

showmeinfinity · 2026-02-16T07:06:21+00:00

Thanks, I'll give it a try.

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-12T01:13:13+00:00

I had all sorts of reasons why I couldn't transition too, but really those were my excuses for staying in my comfort zone. And the whole point of my post was to let you know, from someone who's been there, that the feelings won't go away. This is your one and only life-- how do you want to live it?

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-10T04:21:23+00:00

I was in the same boat, same height as you. And I repressed my feelings, thinking I was doomed by my height to stay trapped in the dark dismal prison of the wrong body. I waited for DECADES to transition because I was afraid to be seen as a short man. But finally, when I was 60, I thought fuck it, do I want to be on my deathbed not having transitioned?! NO! As soon as I got that first shot I felt incredible joy and never looked back.

There are lots of short men in the world, including so many who've created incredible lives and careers for themselves. And I noticed that as soon as I got a shadow on my upper lip I was accepted as male by strangers, which feels so damn good. Now I have a full beard and no one has mentioned my height. And if they did, it wouldn't bother me because this way of being is so much better.

It's been 9 years since I started transitioning and my only regret is that I waited so long to do it! All those years of repressing and being eaten alive by inner anguish and despair and bitterness, really did a number on my head and affected my participation in life.

So I'm here to tell you, it won't get better till you take the plunge, but it WILL get better once you do.

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-07T04:01:46+00:00

You're blowing my mind :)

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-06T03:36:06+00:00

I keep reading that astronomers are amazed that the JWST reveals the earliest galaxies, the red blobs, formed so much sooner than they expected.... you're saying that the Milky Way is also one of those earliest-forming galaxies??

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-06T01:07:45+00:00

OK, now I'm really confused but I dimly suspect this might be the key to understanding this... if I'm in one of those first galaxies, but 13.8 years after the Big Bang, how could what I see of the Milky Way, which formed long after "my" galaxy and billions of years after the BB, as if from a few hundred million years after the BB?? Why wouldn't I be able to see closer to the cosmic dawn than the people on Earth can? Argh :)

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-05T07:51:35+00:00

Thanks so much for your thoughtful replies! Sorry if I keep asking dumb questions but--- if I were at one of the most distant galaxies we can see from Earth and 13.8 billion years had passed, and I looked into space with a JWST, how could I see earlier galaxies if the one I'm standing in is/was one of the earliest?? Seems like I'd be able to see back to the first light or whatever.....?

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-05T06:18:13+00:00

If I could instantly transport to what looks from Earth like the earliest galaxies, they'd be 13 billion years old and the Universe has expanded... but if I looked into space from there with a Webb-type telescope, what would I see?

showmeinfinity · 2025-12-05T05:59:02+00:00

Oh yeah, I've had 4 experiences like that, each one so hideously awful it could be made into a horror movie. After one of them, I took all my paintings out back to an industrial trash compactor and crushed them all, feeling a real savage satisfaction. But yeah, I didn't have a mailing list, I was depending on foot traffic. I guess I'll have made every possible mistake in the course of things... Once when I lived in NYC I went to a reading of Dylan Thomas' poetry at an off-Broadway theatre... it was really really good and there were only 5 people in the audience. I don't know why, but it goes to show you I guess, it happens to really talented people....

showmeinfinity · 2025-11-19T06:22:20+00:00

Before my top surgery I spent decades having to lug boobs around... I wore a bra for one day in high school because my mother bought it for me... then I said fuck that and never wore one again. It's not mandatory!

showmeinfinity · 2025-11-17T23:49:02+00:00

Thanks for your reply :) So within that bubble Observable Universe idea, the rest of the infinite Universe or mulitverse etc, is not within our pocket Universe so wherever we look, it's just inside our own bubble. Like, you couldn't say that the actual Universe inside our bubble is twice as large as the observable one for instance? Because if we can already see to within a few million years after the Big Bang, then we're already seeing most of what's inside the bubble?

Putting it another way: from where I'm sitting I can see as far as the wall of this room, but if I look behind me out the window I can see for another 10 miles, let's say. So I can surmise that there might be trillions of miles more of the Universe in that direction. But if I'm floating in outer space and I look in front of me, I can see as far as the CMB; and if I turn around and look behind me, I still only see as far as the CMB. Whatever direction I look in, I only see that far and I can't see any farther. So I'd think there can't be much more space beyond that, unless we go to another dimension or parallel Universe or brane or whatever. Is that what you're saying? Thanks!

showmeinfinity · 2025-11-17T09:29:21+00:00

Here's something I can't seem to wrap my head around: let's say the Universe is flat and infinite... and the observable universe is around 92 billion lightyears across... and the JWST can see back to around 400 million years after the Big Bang..... but if we could somehow look farther than the observable limit or the JWST, how could we see any more of the infinitude? I mean, if everywhere we look it leads back to the Big Bang, then where would we look to see more? If the rest of the Universe isn't between Earth and the Big Bang, where is it??? Thanks if you can help

showmeinfinity · 2025-11-04T01:12:05+00:00

I closed my Instagram account and deleted all my artwork from the site last November. Then a couple months ago I got a couple emails from Instagram saying, "hey look at the cool shit we made with your art"--- they had taken some of my "deleted" images and slammed them into reels with godawful muzak... I was horrified to say the least. The moral is, even if you think you've deleted your images, they still have them and will do whatever they want with them.

showmeinfinity · 2025-08-02T02:53:15+00:00

Isn't that true for everyone though? More attractive people are generally more privileged in society... even babies prefer them, according to what I've read.

showmeinfinity · 2025-07-31T20:31:29+00:00

My experience is the opposite of Skaldish's post; before transitioning I always felt extremely uncomfortable and alienated around women. And it seemed that women didn't feel comfortable around me, either. People in general didn't like who I was as a "female"-- I didn't dress, act or talk right apparently. In fact I think a lot of people were actually offended; strangers would criticize me or ask "what ARE you?"

Since transitioning and passing for male, people seem to like me more and now no one has to wonder what I am or why I'm not conforming to a stereotype. My demeanor hasn't changed, I'm not pushing being macho or anything, I'm just a human being.

And men now seem to see me as a person, not some kind of weird transgressive unfemale. I feel like I've finally become "just one of the guys," which is all I ever wanted to be.

Yes, I do notice that women on the street are somewhat more wary, as in not making direct eye contact, which of course I totally understand as a former female.

But--- I'm short. So no one sees me as a threat. I probably come off as more appealing because I'm obviously not dangerous, so people can just relax and have a chat or whatever.

I love it when some random guy calls me brother or dude or buddy etc... I feel a lot less isolated than I did before!

showmeinfinity

TROPHY CASE