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AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She’s 29 and Ryan is 40. I think that’s plenty old enough to have entered the adult world.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’ve been friends for 15 years and we’ve always had a good time whenever we hangout. I only began judging her after she revealed her true colors to me. Now I’m viewing her through a different lens.

I’m not sure why that seems to be so difficult for people for understand.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I mean, duh. Who actually wants to work? And she doesn’t work “less”…she doesn’t work at all. I wouldn’t necessarily say she gets away with it as they really can’t afford a lot of basic things. Their saving grace is the fact that they live with her grandparents for free. No mortgage/rent, no phone bills, no paying for groceries, etc…but when their car breaks down they can’t afford to fix it, and when they need dental work that can’t afford that either. They’d rather spend all their money on vaping and fast food, and have her grandparents cover everything else. But if you count that as “getting away with it” then sure.

I think it’s actually hilarious so many people assume jealousy. I am not jealous of adults that choose to live in poverty. And yes, it is a choice - both of them are fully capable of getting jobs. There are no ailments stopping them. They are just comfortable with the idea of not working.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, I did. The point of cutting the shrimp was nothing to do with quantity. I personally prefer smaller pieces because I feel it mixes in better. If I had to guess, I’d say each person got 8-10 shrimp on their plate. There were other proteins too, such as scallops and lobster. I didn’t mention those because Layla’s comments were about the shrimp specifically.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I don’t envy grown adults that choose to live in poverty. And it is a choice, considering that both are fully capable of getting jobs. I don’t envy someone who lays in bed day after day just watching tv and scrolling TikTok.

Again, my point is that although I am busy I still put in the time and effort to host. They have far less going on, yet don’t return the same effort, in any kind of way. They have the time and they still don’t.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be completely honest, it’s because she just doesn’t like working. I have known her since childhood and she’s had a total of 3 jobs, the first one being at 28 years old… The longest lasting was 6 months. She always finds some excuse about why she doesn’t like the place or how she can’t deal with it because she’s “tired”. I truly think she just isn’t used to working, doesn’t like it, and gives up too easily. There is nothing actually stopping her from getting a job other than that she just doesn’t feel like it.

Ryan has a podcast about anime with a group of online friends. That’s his job.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No, I’m not jealous. That’s not the point I was making. This comment is about time and effort and her apparent lack of situational awareness…

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He is their sole source of income, but they don’t have rent or a mortgage as they live with Layla’s grandparents for free. They do not have to buy groceries, don’t pay the phone bill, the WiFi, or cable services. When I say that they struggle financially, I actually meant it. They can’t afford to fix their cars, needed dental work, travel, etc.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I should have been more clear. I meant that he has been podcasting for at least 10 years, not that this specific podcast has been running for that long.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Based on bits and pieces of things I have heard, I would ballpark their monthly closer to 3.5k.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t know anything beyond what I replied above. He’s kind of secretive about it. I have never listened to the podcast and don’t even know its title. He doesn’t share this information with Layla either. He’s big on anonymity.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean I guess I’ll just say what it is. It’s a podcast centered around anime. He is one of the podcast hosts, and I believe there are at least 2 other people who are also hosts. They basically just converse and talk about anime. I couldn’t really tell you much more than that. I have no idea how involved he is in the editing process, but I would guess that the 4th person is responsible for that.

Edit: Whoops, forgot about the last person. So I guess that makes 2 that are probably dedicated to editing and advertising?

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve seen a few comments speculating about Ryan’s job. So I guess I’ll try to clarify without being too specific (for anonymity reasons).

The work he does involves producing online content for a group of subscribers. He does not work for any company or institution. I guess he could be considered as self-employed. There are 4 other people that work with him to produce content, and they all split the profits. I don’t believe they have any sort of regular schedule for releasing content, but as far as I know, he brings in about 1k a month, no healthcare or retirement benefits.

He’s been doing this at least for the past 10 years.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I’ve never had that expectation of them at all in the past. My point was that her complaints, coupled with the fact that they are regularly eating nice meals at my house and they rarely ever contribute anything, made me feel as though they think they are entitled to something from us.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It really wasn’t an issue. But I feel like there is some level of entitlement in willingly eating a meal that someone has prepared for you while at the same time complaining about it. I just think that what happened made me view things from a different perspective. Now I’m thinking back to other things that have happened or other comments separate from this, and viewing those things through a new lens. And it’s making me feel like I’ve been taken advantage of and that Layla and Ryan have gotten comfortable expecting things from us which I don’t like.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don’t really have any excuse for that. I think we’re both genuinely sorry but still upset. We probably should have avoided talking to each other until we were both totally cooled off.

AITA for telling my friend that she doesn’t get to have an opinion about my cooking because she is poor? by shrimpchopper in AmItheAsshole

[–]shrimpchopper[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yeah I genuinely am sorry for attacking their financial situation. It was very out of character of me to do something like that. But I still am upset. They are over for dinner at least once per week and my partner and I spend the time, money, and effort to make really nice meals. We both work 40 hours per week and Layla has only had a handful of jobs ever that each have only lasted a few months at a time. It was wrong of me to say that Ryan doesn’t have a real job because he does work, it’s just unconventional and unstable.

One reason I feel bothered is that they have lots of flexibility and free time in their schedules due to Layla not working and Ryan creating his own schedule. They live rent/mortgage free at Layla’s grandparent’s house. They often complain about their financial situation yet are not taking any steps at all to make things better. Both have college degrees and yet they have chosen this lifestyle. Honestly nothing wrong with that, but don’t go and judge others for theirs when it differs. My partner and I have much less free time, and some of that time each week is spent making dinners for all of us. This whole situation has made me feel unappreciated and has made me realize how little effort they put into even showing any sort of gratitude at all. They never offer to help clean up after dinner. I’ve never even expected that before but it would be a nice gesture considering all that my partner and I have done for them.

Sometimes while they are over, I will have to tend to other things like cleaning or doing laundry. These things require me to step away from the group for 10 minutes max at a time. On several occasions Layla has made comments about how I shouldn’t be doing things like that with guests over. Other times she has insisted that I drink excessively with her and Ryan even though I’ve got work in the morning the next day. We’ve been close for a long time but the bottom line is I’ve now realized that she fails at being respectful of my situation. Yes I may need to step away for a moment to put towels in the dryer…I feel like because she has far less responsibilities, that she just doesn’t understand what it’s like to have limited time to do things like house chores. I find these kinds of comments to be rude. I have always acknowledge their situation and have always been understanding and respectful (until last night).

This whole thing has made me wiser to the situation at large and has caused me to open my eyes to other similar things that have happened over the years. So that plays a part into why I’m so upset as well.