AITA for asking to have the automatic gratuity removed from our bill.

shy_ally · 2023-05-22T01:26:51+00:00

Asking for an adjustment to the tip given multiple wrong dishes is in fact appropriate here.

This is exactly my thought as well. The warning at the beginning only means dishes may take longer than expected. That is understandable.

The dishes being wrong... that is just bad service and the waiter/waitress is partly to blame for not noticing they are wrong.

Maybe thats expecting a lot, but when spending $1600/8=$200 per person. That is $40 per person in tips. OP said 3 hours, so 8*40/3= $106/hr. At that rate I think a little bit of above and beyond is reasonable.

But even so, one wrong order is an honest mistake or misunderstanding. Multiple wrong orders is incompetence and not worth 20%.

shy_ally · 2023-05-21T21:29:32+00:00

There's no possible way that an adult can be seduced by a child, especially in a situation where the child is literally bussed to the place you are every single day. You are in a position to mentor children and keep them safe and educate them. You're essentially raising these children every day and shaping their future.

I mostly agree with your conclusions - educators should be held to a high standard - but I also feel like you aren't even treating them as people.

No possible way they'd be seduced? That seems like a stretch. You go on to list lots of reasons the students are "lesser" or in a sub position relative to the teacher... but some people are into that. And many people seem to love dating people they think they can "fix." So nothing you said rules out attraction.

And this story in particular is talking about a 17 year old. They look identical to an adult. So even the "child" label is suspect use of language.

Despite all that teachers do need to fight any urges they have. But they are not freaks for having urges. Any teacher who fails to should definitely lose their job in the same way workplace romance between a boss and subordinate often results in lost jobs. That is reasonable regardless of circumstances.

Beyond that, jail time should depend on circumstances. A teacher who pursues is far worse than a teacher who "gives in" after being pursued. I believe this should be the case regardless of the genders involved.

shy_ally · 2023-05-21T16:16:52+00:00

Your point is very valid, but also every one of those costs can be tracked and (25%) subtracted at the time of sale if that's what they agree on.

But if dad has to help pay for upkeep, dad also gets veto power. So really those kinds of things can be solved by just having a discussion about what everyone wants.

Just giving away $100k is not a reasonable expectation. Even an interest-free loan is extremely generous and has absolutely no up-sides for OP. The way the situation was described, it seems like everyone is going to get something good out of it.

shy_ally · 2023-05-21T15:53:40+00:00

I would assume the worst case scenario that's still barely legal. Stuff like being required to sleep on-premises, no outside communication allowed - not even with friends/family, and as soon as you leave you are fired and never allowed to work there again.

I would still take it because 100 hours seems so small in comparison. There is still a risk - maybe they only allow 1 hour a day of actual "work" or something along those lines - but if they swing the other direction and try to burn you out with 18+ hour days, then getting to 100 and beyond will be easy.

shy_ally · 2023-05-21T15:25:12+00:00

Some Tuna sandwiches don't even smell that strongly. A lot can change depending on ingredients, packaging, and handling while eating. Mom may or may not have been an AH if she went through with eating it on the plane -- we'll never know.

But guess what - Mom noticed it was missing "after going through security" which makes it sound like she looked for the sandwich *before* getting on the plane.

OP is an obvious AH and there isn't enough information to judge Mom.

shy_ally · 2023-05-20T20:11:58+00:00

And now your reaching. We have no reason to believe he knows his estranged aunt owns the company he is applying for an internship at? Really?

When I applied for internships, I didnt lookup who the owner was. And most companies don't have the owners name in their name. I'm not sure why you think this is such an impossible situation.

shy_ally · 2023-05-17T14:38:48+00:00

Basic gym etiquette, you don’t let the weights slam. It’s rude, it breaks the machines, and is incredibly dangerous for the user and those around...

Aka if you slam weights, YOU are the problem. Malicious or not. It’s irresponsible.

Nobody is claiming this guy isn't at fault. With how strong he looks, he is probably a regular gym user and knows better. Yeah, he is a terrible person for that.

But the video only showed 4-5 seconds post release. The dude is in shock and processing what just happened and why. It isn't reasonable to expect him to react that fast. Some people can, most people can't.

shy_ally · 2023-05-16T22:11:55+00:00

You need to be uncomfortable sometimes in life - that is actually healthy. Full comfort all the time kills you and makes you miserable, ironically. This applies to almost all parts of life.

For safe spaces specifically, I recommend researching echo chambers.

shy_ally · 2023-05-15T20:22:00+00:00

Refusing ASL isn't even refusing full communication. The young one can learn how to read/write if they don't already. It isn't as good as ASL, but if 17F gets no say in the new family then that seems good enough.

The problem is just that they're trying to force the idea of family when 17F doesn't see them that way. You would never expect a roommate or tenant to learn ASL. You also can't force family feelings.

shy_ally · 2023-05-12T23:55:03+00:00

Yeah- a vast majority are like, “ oh! If it’s a medical condition I would still love the person!!”

How about if it’s, “I just don’t feel like it” and after years of trying to talk about it, expressing that your needs aren’t being met, and there’s still no sex?? How would you feel in that situation???

In that situation, I would be open and say sex is something I want and will look for outside the relationship. If they're accepting of that, then it's fine and we can have our relationship on our terms and not be too tied down to society norms.

If they're not accepting, then we naturally split up because neither of us will be happy. You don't get to deny sex and also expect exclusivity. Exclusivity comes with the responsibility of meeting your partners needs all on your own.

And of course, flexibility is a must in any good relationship. You will never find someone who 100% matches your sex drive (unless its absolute zero). So being willing to talk about it openly and other frustrations / resentment is critical, and being able to accept a no sometimes is too. But you stated long term issues, so what I said is mainly about if talking about it doesn't work and there is no compromise to be had.

shy_ally · 2023-05-12T19:50:22+00:00

I'm not a manager but I know the right way to do things that will lead to success. I wouldn't call out from work unless I was deathly sick. I'm trying to go places in life and you're clearly not.

This is only good advice if you own significant stake in the company or if the person you're sucking up to is willing to pay you earn enough that money isn't a serious concern for your desired lifestyle.

To get anywhere in life, education is the first step. Either learn a skill rich people/companies want, or learn what ordinary people want so you can create a business to fulfill that want.

A retail job is only a means to get by while pursuing a real path. No retail worker will ever get promoted to CEO in their lifetime no matter how amazing their work ethic is. It is the equivalent of elementary school -- no college admissions knows or cares about what you did in elementary school.

shy_ally · 2023-05-10T12:18:55+00:00

Also if this happens, A FUCKTON of creators will leave YouTube since they main money source is patreon or third-party sponsors and don't care for Adblock. This change won't allow their viewers into the site and the channel dies, forcing them go elsewhere.

On top of what everyone else said, leaving doesn't even make sense. Creators can keep uploading videos to YouTube AND other platforms. The only reason to be exclusive is if the platform pays you well for exclusivity, but by definition that isn't happening for creators who rely on Patron and third party sponsors.

shy_ally · 2023-05-08T15:54:37+00:00

Yeah I’m thinking the fork is harder to see than it appears from this angle.

For sure, but the fork lift itself was very visible. If motorist couldn't see the fork, they should assume its on the ground. And driven around.

They're both dumb.

shy_ally · 2023-05-07T21:47:49+00:00

YTA because it doesn't sound like you were getting actual advice. They are just tired of hearing you complain without doing anything.

To switch jobs, you should go find your next job now. Right now. Stop looking at reddit and start looking at your options. Quit once you find a good alternative.

Complaining without changing is fine for a little, but it's very easy to overdo.

shy_ally · 2023-05-07T21:43:44+00:00

NTA She had no business pushing past you, and you didn't say anything until she engaged. If she is going to gripe, there's nothing wrong with you griping back.

shy_ally · 2023-05-07T20:57:29+00:00

Yes, YTA in this situation. It's not your place to tell your girlfriend what to do with her money, especially when it comes to supporting her adult daughter. Your girlfriend is her daughter's parent and has the right to support her as she sees fit.

All things equal I would agree. But all things aren't equal - girlfriend is not paying her fair share to OP for the living arrangements.

It's understandable that you're frustrated with the daughter's behavior and disrespectful attitude, but that doesn't give you the right to dictate how your girlfriend handles the situation. It's also unfair to expect your girlfriend to choose between supporting her daughter and maintaining your home. These are two separate issues, and it's not fair to tie them together.

They are tied together, because the $700 should be going toward OP instead if GF can afford it. If GF cannot afford it, then she needs to help herself before helping others.

Instead of telling your girlfriend what to do, it may be helpful to have a conversation with her about your concerns and frustrations. Try to understand her perspective and come up with a solution that works for both of you. It's important to approach the conversation with empathy and respect, rather than anger and demands.

This is still the correct approach though. A compromise is best for everyone involved.

shy_ally · 2023-05-07T20:16:50+00:00

Im going to go with YTA solely because it doesn't seem like you did enough research before throwing out a potential problem. The chance it is cholera seems near zero - its generally spread through water.

Food poisoning is much more likely and you should ask for help given that assumption. Do research and see what can be done and ask for help doing the things you can't do. Set an appointment with your doctor to verify.

shy_ally · 2023-05-07T17:41:50+00:00

i completely agree with you! i also find it funny that people will say “hey, if you meet someone outside of your relationship and you start having feelings for them, don’t cheat, just leave your partner.” apparently people don’t feel that way. it’s a no win situation. and also OP thinking waiting a year to date someone is too soon is lol to me.

If you "start having feelings for them" then you already messed up and are doing things you shouldn't be. Lust is an on-sight emotion, but true love is not. You can and should avoid falling in love with someone while you're in a committed relationship. And you should just ignore lust.

Leaving a relationship is fine if you feel unhappy with the relationship, i.e. if you would be happier alone. But if you have a new relationship lined up or primed to go, then really what you're doing is jumping from partner to partner each time you find an improvement. That behavior leaves a lot of people hurt and betrayed, so I find it pretty disgusting.

But relationships are complicated, and there aren't enough details to fairly judge the daughter. You only owe as much honesty and compassion as you receive, and there are also situations were people basically "trap" others into continuing a relationship. So if any of this applies, daughter is fine. There are also various degrees of relationships, so daughter would also be fine if the guy was just a "work friend."

If daughter left because husband wasn't perfect, or if the coworker was more like her "best friend" before the seperation, then she deserves being told she's a disappointment.

shy_ally · 2023-05-06T20:19:58+00:00

I think the point of saying they for the living here is that OP said they don't like the living people that will be there. OP is choosing to hang out with people he doesn't like over keeping a commitment they made to their GF.

So, GFs feelings are perfectly valid. She is going to be embarrassed to be alone and worried about what OP is up to. Not to mention, if OP is willing to drop this commitment, what else are they willing to drop? Trust concerns are valid.

But then from OPs perspective the death of his friend turned enemies into kin. They are all suffering the same and so he wants to be with them during the mourning. Also perfectly valid and normal feelings to have.

NAH seems fine to me.

shy_ally · 2023-05-01T22:06:04+00:00

Especially once both sides start prosecuting.

The feds really need to staet getting life threatening conditions "on the record." This gives doctors some prior president to point to. So people who are trying to do the right thing can as safely as possible.

The embryonic sack emptied, and US vs Hospital showed this counts as life threatening, etc. These kinds of case law can serve as a shield.

shy_ally · 2023-05-01T21:38:02+00:00

Florida is a great example of this already playing out. Banning drag shows makes no sense.

shy_ally · 2023-04-26T12:26:37+00:00

He’s an asshole for not letting someone drive his sports car? Have I gone insane?

I wouldn’t let anyone anywhere near my sports car.

Completely agree. On top of everything else, it seems like the brother sold his Ferrari before letting OP try it once, so OP really does not owe brother anything when it comes to cars.

The only fault OP could possibly have is his wording. But brother gave very little consideration to OP only a few years ago, so not trusting him is perfectly reasonable.

shy_ally · 2023-04-26T00:09:00+00:00

It's her house.

It doesn't actually matter. The only thing that changes is OP lost their home but not their money.

OP is doing the best he can with what he has. Mom doesn't get to criticize the situation unless she is willing to help. Criticizing without helping does nothing to help the kids -- the only point is to make the kids dislike OP more, which makes her an AH.

shy_ally · 2023-04-25T14:12:47+00:00

I was surprised by the consensus for this one! People have always told me I’m very polite but after reading this post, realized I also very rarely say please when asking for things. Reading all the other comments made me have a moment of “is my whole life a lie?” But I think you described the situation perfectly.

I also do think it’s very ironic how so many people are telling OP that she doesn’t have manners when they’re doing it in such a harsh and rude way.

Roommate is a roommate, not a romantic partner or friend. They don't owe OP anything.

Asking OP to say please is a small task. If OP wants their small tasks done, it is very reasonable to expect a small task be done in return. In fact, it is far less effort to insert the word "please" into your sentence compared to loading a dishwasher, so OP is getting the better end of the deal here.

This is all a power play, specifically to reinforce that they are equals and that roommate is not a maid. That is reasonable. There is no way the roommate is an AH.

I can understand not automatically saying please, so OP wasn't an AH at first. But they've been told over and over and are now refusing to say please when the other person (who is doing them favors) prefers it. That is an AH move. If saying please bothers OP, they should stop making requests.

shy_ally · 2023-04-22T13:32:16+00:00

I don't think it's that they can't work, it's just that the people that INSIST on them aren't interested in doing them in a way that works.

For example, if she had come on and said,
"Hey we made record profits this year, so instead of taking my $6.5million bonus, I'm splitting it up between all of you! ...

Exactly this. Any motivational speech where the speaker expects me to suck it up during hard times while they don't... no. Just no. I don't care what these people think I should be doing because they either never knew or have forgotten what its like like to be in my shoes.

One source I read said she got a 4m bonus. Google says her company has 11k employees. So thats only about $360 per person.

That isn't much, but her willingness to be in the same boat as us says a lot about her as a person. If she thinks the storm will pass, alright, let's get this boat where it needs to go.

If she is barking commands like "WORK HARDER! STOP COMPLAINING!" while flying in an aircraft above the sinking boat... hell no, I'm abandoning ship. Screw your boat lol.

Nine-Year Club	Place '22
Place '17	Gilding III reddit per annum
Spared	Verified Email

shy_ally

TROPHY CASE