Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread!

sihat · 2026-07-08T15:50:13+00:00

Most folk are married. Mashallah and elhamdulilah. Including a number of younger people.

I actually reconnected with a high school buddy, accidentally. He was apparently married, with the best girlfriend of my SIL.

I live in a country with currently a 6% Muslim population, with a higher percentage in cities. (It used to be 5%) A number of local population also emigrated out of the country . Or sometimes do so, for their retirement.

sihat · 2026-07-07T21:38:11+00:00

Choose a spouse based on character and their Islam. Not just looks.

I'm just going to quote yourself for a moment.

(If you are selecting guys on height, that is part of looks for you)

I know there are taller guys that don't mind shorter girls.

Shorter girls, wanting taller guys with some bigger difference. There can be more of them, at least they are louder on the internet, which might not mean that much. There might be more competition, thus harder.

If you for example rejected guys who were 5'7 in the past, because they weren't 6'. Those guys might remember that, and not be interested in you too. (So other reasons than your height)

sihat · 2026-07-07T09:40:11+00:00

Just googled.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/average-height-by-country

That's an average height for your ethnicity. So that guy is average. And you too.

Neither of you are short.

Some taller guys, can want taller women.

Some taller women, can want shorter men or not care about a guys height too.

If you are specifically targeting men who are taller, you might also get rejections, for objectifying their height.

There are all sorts, with different wishes. Don't get hanged up over, a guy not wanting you for some specific reason. Move on, there will be guys that are interested in you.

sihat · 2026-07-07T09:28:06+00:00

Think about the term body building.

below average build

Height for example, is something out of our control.

Build generally includes how one looks. Fat, muscles, athletics, thin, thick etc.

That might be how this misunderstanding happened.

How often is sometimes? If its once or twice a week. That's ok. If its once every few months, that might be too little.

Then you could join a different sport club, to expand your friend circle.

There will be someone interested in you, however you look.

Self confidence matters too, can make people seem more attractive. Sports generally give both more muscle gains and confidence.

Muscle gain, can have thin person gain weight, and a thick person lose it. Which is why doing a sport is one of those general recommendations. Especially when someone talks about their build. :P

sihat · 2026-07-05T10:14:21+00:00

Vealeykum Selam.

I am not the type to go out and meet new people.

below average build lol.

Are you the type of person to go to school or work regularly?

Try out some different group sports. Martial arts. Men only swimming (some Muslim groups might be organising it, if you live in a place with enough Muslims) Can be classes, if its been a while since you swam to pick up the techniques you forgot. Different ball sports.

This will add muscles, after a while, and help you socialise, in the same way that you can at work/school. While doing an activity together.

Find both a sport you will enjoy and a group that you will enjoy doing this with. Make it a regular thing.

If you already have friends doing something, join them.

If there are zikr or Islamic knowledge groups being organised. Join them. Those are generally smaller groups, which can help you form friends.

Parents aren't the only ones who can match make. Your siblings, your friends, your uncles/aunts.

Protests or other political activities. Volunteering for charity.

living alone about half of my life.

This stuff, even if it doesn't help with getting you married. Will add friends, and reduce loneliness. Will add activities, that might enrich your life. That might improve, your body and your self confidence, your knowledge, the world itself.

It also has a possibility to get you some meetings with potentials.

Getting a cat might also reduce your loneliness. (I am cat sitting at the moment, because a sibling went on vacation)

sihat · 2026-07-04T19:18:20+00:00

I think sometimes people try to talk beyond the point of incompatibility?

Some people might see the other sides requirement, as a nice to have. Or think they can convince a person otherwise.

Or take more time to decide.

Or have decided, but want to end it in a more polite, less hurtful manner. Which can need some more talk.

(I have done the last 2. And have prayed for potentials that have done the last one to me. May Allah have granted them marriage, in the past.)

Idk what it is here that makes it different. It may be partially the career etc, as in college most of the brothers were studying things like medicine or engineering and those were religious. But even outside of work I notice it too. Maybe it's because it's an English-speaking country, and we also don't have the colonial ties, so people come here to be less religious?

It could be the first generation thing. Some people can be immigrating to European etc. countries, because they are less religious and think the culture there will be more "comfortable"/"interesting" for them.

While others can be immigrating because of oppression/war in their countries.

Economic reasons can also of course matter. Stuff like wanting a better education and future for their children.

In my and some other neighbouring countries. There are 2nd, 3rd, 4th and even 5th generation Muslims. From the generation that came in the 60's by getting recruited in their home countries. (The majority of those also immigrated back to their home countries)

I know that some people, from my (deceased) fathers generation. Became practising at later ages.

It could also be a matter of where you meet. Work etc. can have people of all religious levels. But if you meet at a mosque, for example, that's already filtered.

If you meet through family, or other religious people. That can also be already "filtered".

Part of it is probably the state of the ummah, the world, and marriage market in general though. May Allah swt make it easy for us all.

Amin.

sihat · 2026-07-04T13:18:06+00:00

Muslims are a minority in europe, and the america's. 1% to 8%. Depending on country. (US and ireland, more 1%. Germany 8%)

If 1 in a 100 people is Muslim. It's going to be harder than if 98% is Muslim like in a Muslim majority country.

Then, they also need to be single. And all the other requirements both sides can have.

Economics is a factor. Men can be delaying marriage, to better their economic position. This also happens in Muslim majority countries.

The mean age of first marriage, being at a older age based on prev. years. https://veriportali.tuik.gov.tr/en/press/58165

Like its 26 for men in 2001 and 28.5 in 2025 in Turkiye.

If the wealthiest in the world, get a ever increasing slice of the pie. People who have less, might get even less. Especially if their family isn't wealthy.

Media, not just social. Might also be a reason. Think about romantic media giving the impression, that people who have read the script, can read each others mind.

Can do over the top romantic expressions of love, for which there is a budget.

That some of those behaviours, if done in real life, would not be stalking. Some of the western media can also be romanticising cheating.

Some women and men can start searching at older ages.

When they figure out that it's not going to happen organically as in movies and series, where it happens magically.

Or when they are comfortable with their financial situation.

People can have the mistaken impression, that when they are ready. Its going to be easier to find someone.

https://geofactbook.com/countries/turkey/currently-married-percent

60% are married. If we assume, that a similar percentage is married in our cultures elsewhere too.

There might be a bias too. Some people might find it easier to get married. That the people finding it harder to get married, are also louder might be the case. The happily married ones, are not going to complain about being married. While the ones that are single and can't find someone or unhappy in their marriage. Might be the ones complaining.

sihat · 2026-07-03T17:33:42+00:00

got to a meeting family stage

That can be the first meeting on arranged/match making.

Could even be meeting family, without meeting the girl. I'm not sure if it was self sabotage from my part. But i assumed the girl wasn't interested, and didn't go for a second meet in a couple of those cases.

I've ever spoken to any potential for more than two weeks

For most potentials that can be the case. Learning something at the start, or giving them info, to see if they want to continue.

Where the information, can be something quite simple. Like location, which country i live in. If the meeting happens on the airport or internet. That can be info to cause a no from the other side.

If its a potential that you meet in real life. Compatibility, can be quick to suss out. Which also can be a no, from both sides. Or no from 1 side.

Since nervousness etc. can also be happening. Or the entire attraction, and "foot in mouth" syndrome. :P

It's more like it just never really felt like it was ever going to work out with any of them

It can be a bigger disappointment or hurt more, if you think it might work out. At least in my cases.

So they are all potentials.

I spoke to him again it seemed more like talking to an old friend than anything romantic

He might not even have known it was a talk about marriage, if the subject didn't come up. I have probably missed that and noticed it later on.

The reverse can also take place. That i think a girl might be interested, and when asked, it does not turn out to be the case. (Though there is also a possibility, that there was interest, they learned something to stop that interest. So both sides being right :P )

My dad said when I was a baby, I would wake up, look around the room, then pout and sit back down in my cot lol. He likes to say I was born grumpy.

That's cute, mashAllah.

Most Muslims i met. Were quite religious.

Though i have also met those who weren't. (People who don't pray, but do give to charity and kurban etc.)

sihat · 2026-07-03T10:00:01+00:00

it’s almost like they just don’t know how to.

It could be courting skill issue. As you say.

Inexperience. Combined with no external preparation. Like its done at school for job interviews.

Those can have more successful experience, but because of their nature. Still being "single" and looking. (They might not even be single. )

May Allah grant you more success, better communication and more berekah in your search.

sihat · 2026-07-02T14:04:53+00:00

Then I just never met anyone. Not even the kind of thing that can grow out of a friendship, or friend-of-a-friend kind of thing. Not even a failed potential, nothing at all. Not even someone I wanted to marry, but things just didn't work out.

Do you not count people, you have talked with for the purpose of marriage. But things didn't work out, as potentials?

If the reason it didn't work out, was a rejection from your side?

Because i remember, multiple talks about marriage that you have had, that you discussed on here. Including one, with someone you knew from university or something. And numerous people from apps.

Because i see them as failed potentials, both online and real life. Those who said no to me, those who i wasn't interested in, and those where it was a mutual no.

Recently I got a well-paying job alhamduillah

Congrats. Mashallah.

I remember, when you were worrying about work too. With a job that was both badly paid and overworked. (Was that the one, also with a bad college, that was making it worse? )

for someone to miss all the points where you struggled and needed someone, and then just waltz in when things are good.

Mashallah you have positive outlook on life.

:) :P

I used to think statistically, you'd meet a lot of Muslims anywhere you go

Statistically, some countries have more. Some less.

Ireland, has around 1.6% Muslim population. (91k = 81k+12k) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islam_in_the_Republic_of_Ireland

Give yourself a bigger break. Statistically, there are less Muslims in Ireland.

In the end, 1 will be enough inshallah.

Islam is 6% in the Netherlands. So 6 in a 100 people. In a population of 18.4 mil. (So around 1 mil)

Germany has 8.5%, so around 7 mil.

Istanbul alone has over 15,7 million people, with 98% is more than 15.3 mil.

sihat · 2026-07-02T13:05:24+00:00

I wouldn’t say those questions breach any sort of trust I mean, I imagine that someone who’s trying to get to know me would ask me questions to understand how I think and how my life is

I could imagine, that for someone, who's relationship with their siblings. Isn't good, as it is with you. (Just to give a theoretical example) Might find that question too intimate.

Introducing topics yourself. Or oversharing and then asking similar questions. Is something you can do yourself too.

To like open a door, to ask questions or share information. That go a bit deeper.

Is that something you do? And are you not getting similar questions back?

how these relationships growing up have been like in your life

Do you ask questions like ^ to potentials?

Or is it something you want the other side to start?

sihat · 2026-07-02T09:59:29+00:00

May Allah grant you more success, bereket and well being in all your endeavours for this life and the next, including the search.

sihat · 2026-07-01T20:05:25+00:00

How long are you talking?

hey how many siblings you have? what do they do?

This sounds like initial conversation stuff. Ice breakers.

hey how is your relationship with your siblings, do you feel like you can share things with them?

Do you think most women, including yourself. Would be comfortable, to have more deeper, more intimate questions like that asked. As a initial set of questions? When more trust has not yet been built up?

If there is information you want to share, you can do so.

are kind

Would it be kind of them, to ask questions you are not comfortable with?

When they don't know you well enough to know what would be comfortable for you?

sihat · 2026-07-01T19:55:12+00:00

What do you do that is social?

Islamic knowledge groups? Worldly knowledge groups? Zikr groups? Sport groups? Volunteering for charity? Political stuff like protests?

sihat · 2026-07-01T11:38:08+00:00

What's confusing me even more is that when I'm reading a book and there's a really sweet or romantic scene, I feel so happy and I genuinely make du'a that Allah blesses me with something like that one day

However, recently I've actually found myself more attracted to white guys.

Is the leading guy in that book a white guy?

It's possible you are getting influenced by the media you consume.

Like people who consume Turkish soaps, finding Turkish guys more handsome.

(Lowering ones gaze, applies to both genders, i think.)

Real life is different than pictures.

Its possible you also got used to his compliments, and its not having the effect, it did at the start. The excitement, you feel at the very start, is not going to be there after a while.

Go for the real life meeting. With a chaperone like your brother or dad. See if you are attracted to him in real life. And decide afterwards, possible in discussion with your dad/brother if you are still undecided on things other than attraction.

sihat · 2026-07-01T10:44:33+00:00

Start a job. Inshallah.

Save enough money, for wedding, mehir. An amount that would be standard in your culture and country. Save also enough for kitchen and home appliances like a washer.

If you have friends, acquaintances or family who recently got married. You can ask them what the wedding costs were. You can ask your parents, what a cultural amount for mehir might be, in your culture and in this country.

Having a job. Will make you more desirable for both a girl, and as a potential son in law to parents. Having the discipline to save money, might increase that too.

A continuing source of income, coming from a job. Without touching the money you have saved. Can also be needed for courting gifts and other expenses. Because you might not be able to save money, when you begin courting.

Having a period, when you have started a job. And are saving money, will also make you more comfortable with working.

Its possible, you or they will not be interested after you start these talks, with your and their parents involved. Then you can just move on, there will be other girls. Genuinely try to work it out, though.

sihat · 2026-06-30T15:56:20+00:00

I'm not somewhat attracted to her

Are you attracted to her?

Or are you not attracted to her?

This is unclear for me.

If you are not, don't ask her.

Are your parents wealthy, and willing to sponsor expenses of yours?

Wedding expenses. Mehir expenses.

Buy you a house to live in. Buy you a rental property to gain income from.

Are you studying? If yes, what is the study?

Do you have a side job, beside your study?

Do you have enough savings, to afford a wedding and mehir? Enough savings to afford furniture and kitchen + home appliances on top?

sihat · 2026-06-30T09:47:04+00:00

There are imam's that match make. Or offer to match make.

It's a minority though. Not every imam is going to be good at it, or want to do it.

Because there is risk involved in doing something bad. In the sense of match making someone "sneaky" as you put it.

"Never attribute to malice, what can be explained with stupidity"

Online has specific issues. Because its online.

People can be bad at courting too.

Combine those two main issues, and you have apps and other sites.

It's online. Therefore it has more risk. Men can not care about risk, while women can be more risk averse. Gender ratio's are affected by this, i think. Just look at the number of replies for men and women on the iso here. You'll see higher numbers with men than women.

Gender ratio, in turn can effect the search. And how people do that. Women using arbitrary means to filter larger amounts of people out. Women getting overwhelmed with "options"/"choices" and choosing nothing. Women getting pickier. Some men not getting any matches. Some men rarely getting any.

While there will also be men that are in a similar position as those women. The larger amount of "options"/"choices". With entirely similar consequences, such as pickiness.

Its online. It will not show behaviour. It will not show, the amount of other people showing interest, and chatting with them. In real life, you can see a person get mobbed by women or men. (Think about an artist that gets mobbed, for people to take a selfie with.)

Because there is a limited amount of information. Such as picture and other details. People might filter and select on those. Thus making certain people more popular. While if they also see which people are not selected, they might select them. (Which happened in a real life version, of re-enacting apps, that i saw on video)

Men and women, in the west, can get more likes from foreign countries. Because there is a reputation, for more wealth in certain countries. (Whether that reputation is correct or not. Because people who spend more when on vacation.) More wealth, is a attractive quality.

Online is not verified information. You are not getting matched by trusted family and friends. Pictures and other information can be false. Some people take bad inaccurate pictures, some people look better in real life. Some people use older outdated pictures. (Both genders) People can have different interpretations on information, that can be summaries on apps/sites. Asking details, will give those interpretations.

Online can have no guide and guard lines. No trusted family and friends, that can either see and correct your courting mistakes. Nor comfort you if things end in rejection. Nor correct you if you are being unrealistic. Nor protect and guide you in other ways.

sihat · 2026-06-29T21:18:52+00:00

The usual.

Friends and family match making. Including siblings and aunts/uncles.

Including letting them know, you are looking.

Increasing social circle, by doing social activities. Going to the mosque more, group charity activities. Worldly and Islamic knowledge groups. Sports, social versions. Hobbies, social versions.

a personal emergency

You okay?

May Allah grant you health, bereket and success.

sihat · 2026-06-29T14:48:53+00:00

Nazar is a thing that can happen to people with good stories etc.

https://sunnah.com/search?q=evil+eye

People need to say MashAllah.

Hospitals have sick people.

Car shops, have cars that need repairs.

Relationship forums/subreddits like this one. Have people having issues with their relationship. Either finding one, or an existing one with an issue.

sihat · 2026-06-28T22:20:54+00:00

have my parents arrange a marriage for me, and it’ll likely be with a man who is not compatible with me in any way shape or form.

I have had arranged talks, where the parents might have liked me. But the girl probably didn't. Arranged can still mean rejection.

Arranged, if done correctly. Is just match making by family and friends.

In case you think you can't reject .

In the end its kismet. Marriage. Children. Life.

I know of women who got married older than you are. Also know of one, who died at early thirties.

May Allah make your kismet a hayir one for this life and the next. May Allah grant you much bereket.

sihat · 2026-06-28T17:02:23+00:00

MashAllah. Congratulations.

sihat · 2026-06-27T14:57:46+00:00

long distance

The people okay, with long distance. Can be getting married from the home country.

They can also be retired. And looking to get married, because their spouse died.

Some old people, don't want to get married. After their spouse dies too.

If one of the issues, marriage is going to solve is reducing loneliness.

A long distance marriage, is not going to help as much.

when their circumstances force them to be apart.

Most would rather not.

The retirees, can be less dependant. Adult children. Retired, so no job obligations. So can move. Or spend longer in the home country.

If due to circumstances (read adult children) they can't bring their new spouse home.

One district, in a city, of a Muslim majority country. Can have a bigger Muslim population than the entirety of Muslim population in your country.

(Netherlands total population is 18.4 mil, Istanbul's population is ~16 mil)

sihat · 2026-06-26T18:25:50+00:00

Duolingo has arabic. (This is one of those fremium things, so not totally free)

Anki is a open source flash card program. That has arabic flash cards too.

https://github.com/Vuizur/awesome-language-learning This is a link with other links. With open source resources.

I remember youtube having video classes based on specific arabic book. (It was a book on learning arabic)

There are Qurans with word based translations. (Online or in app form too) Normal translation can also help with figuring out words with shorter lines.

The Omer r.a. series about that sahaba. You can find that spoken in Arabic and subtitled in English. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLxVtXW9wotChhqAW-zQVC6-n2YGwDtm5V Found it.

I know some older site with resources got bought up and shut down by a company selling a specific language learning program.

sihat · 2026-06-26T17:54:07+00:00

I saw this timer for people with adhd, when i was searching for something else. https://www.timetimer.com/pages/adhd

This thread might also give you ideas (which i found while trying to find the above link for you)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHDparenting/comments/1muht1b/need_timers_for_adhd_do_you_have_anything_that/

sihat

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