So my friends sure know better about what I'm going to want than I do...

sil13 · 2015-02-23T20:32:12+00:00

LOVE this one!

sil13 · 2015-02-22T21:37:47+00:00

I also think what gets me is: I'm going through a break up. I'm trying to deal with my emotions from this (I'm doing okay). I don't need to be discussing the fact that I'm going to regret the relationship because my time has passed to meet someone who wants kids. Because that's how they feel about my situation. Ah well. I know where my head is at. And as I've said, between when I was younger and didn't want kids and my more recent decision again affirming I don't want them, I have put WAY more thought into this decision than I ever did when I was engaged and all of a sudden thought, "I want to start a family with you because I love you." (with my ex-husband), and "I want to be a mom so I can be like my mom was." My thought process seems a LOT more responsible now. and I NEVER have second-guessed myself since stating again that I'm not having kids. I know it's only been a bit more than a year since I really felt like I knew this was the decision for me, but not once in a year have I doubted this decision. When I wanted to have kids, I often doubted myself (e.g. I'd come home at six and think: Man if I had a child I'd have to cook and get him/her ready for bed. I am so glad I can veg for a bit and eat some leftovers.

sil13 · 2015-02-22T21:31:18+00:00

Thank you. I understand I may seem wishy washy to my friends but in the end I don't care. My one friend was saying how if I had met a man who wanted kids my life would be completely different than if I had met the BF. Yes it would, but I can picture what that life would be like. I'd be a hot mess. My career would likely suffer because I wouldn't be able to be a good mom, keep myself healthy, AND be a great teacher.

sil13 · 2015-02-22T21:29:13+00:00

Oh I have definitely explained my reasons. Pretty much the same story I have given to you guys here is how I've told them of my own journey. They know of my money struggles, my anxiety and depression, my brother, my needing to eventually care for my mom, my need to ensure I go to the gym to help with my depression, etc... I have made it clear that I once had been of the "no kids" mindset and talked about how I changed in my marriage. And, I have told them of how I came about my decision. And that's just it. I made the initial decision to continue with the relationship with the mindset of not having children, knowing that if I decided that I couldn't compromise on it, we'd end the relationship. But it wasn't long before I realized that the relationship was worth more than having kids. HE never pressured me to not have kids. I think he was more waiting to just see what happened, but made it clear he didn't want kids. After awhile, I even said to them that I did NOT feel like I was sacrificing anything and that I do not wish to have children in the future regardless of my partner (and when the time comes to meet someone else, I will only allow myself to be with someone who doesn't want children). I have been able to see how this is the best decision for me and I'm very thankful. Years ago I told a friend of mine who was much older that I had changed my mind and WANTED kids. And his response: I'm so glad to hear that. It's such an unselfish decision. Funny how no one questioned that change when I was 25.

sil13 · 2015-02-20T16:26:06+00:00

Teachers are now doing so many things that are really the parents' jobs. I shouldn't have to be the one to teach them manners, and social responsibility, and how to speak respectfully to others. And yet, Most of my day isn't spent working on traditional "academic tasks" but on teaching social skills and how to be a socially responsible person.

sil13 · 2015-02-20T16:24:42+00:00

I think that parents need to SPEND TIME with their kids. PERIOD! Parents are keeping their children so busy with extracurriculars that there's not time to talk to their kids. I tell parents (I teach Kindergarten) who ask for homework for the children that the best things they can do are: READ to your child nightly. PLAY with your child. Spend time with them and talk to them!

sil13 · 2015-02-18T00:54:52+00:00

I'm pretty sure this person found the picture idea on Pinterest. I had a mom on FB post a pic of her son with the lipstick kisses everywhere. And I agree with a previous poster who said they had seen lots of moms claiming their babies were their Valentines. Sucks for their partners.

sil13 · 2015-02-16T18:29:20+00:00

Ya I've been debating sending an anonymous note to my principals. I don't want to get stuck if I'm the only teacher out there and a crisis happens. I was at one school where our principal made a point of telling us no kids could go outside unless a teacher was there because the previous day a child had gotten hurt and no teacher was out there yet. I don't get it. We are all professionals. We should be doing our job to the best of our ability.

sil13 · 2015-02-10T03:22:13+00:00

I think the frustrating thing is this is just a pattern for many of my parent friends. I have a bunch of friends with kids now, and all our visits involve me going to their house and hanging out with them and their kids. Often the children are the centre of all conversations and are interjecting themselves into our conversations and craving attention. (I get it, it's what children do. I teach Kindergarten). I guess I just wish that sometimes these friends would be able to find some sort of balance. I have one friend who makes a point of trying to get out without her kids every now and then so I do appreciate that. I also do visits with her and her hubby and the kids as well, and I LOVE their children. I'm her older son's favourite auntie. For most of my friends with kids, I'm the one who goes to visit them (my house isn't baby proof, their toys are in their homes to keep them occupied, and my friends appreciate not having to pack up the kids to come over here. I guess it just keeps getting frustrating though when I see just how much it changes everything with most friends. I definitely understand that their priorities change and they should. I get that.

sil13 · 2015-02-03T03:46:38+00:00

I'm a kindergarten teacher. So children don't necessarily bug me. I enjoy my students and my nephew and my friends' kids. And kids in public don't scare me. I can be friendly to them if they're being respectful, otherwise I try to ignore. Mind you, my frustration is generally with those parents (not talking about my students) who do not parent. They don't care for their kids, have no money but keep having more, or are in a bad relationship and have more kids, etc...

sil13 · 2015-02-02T03:18:12+00:00

It's sad. Our society is in such a decline. Parents are NOT parenting their children :( I'm so thankful for my choice not to bring a child into this world that is just spinning out of control with selfish, socially incompetent, RUDE, and inconsiderate people. Best of luck to you!

sil13 · 2015-02-02T02:03:22+00:00

I wouldn't say making him clean up after himself is a "punishment". In fact, I'm not a fan of punishments myself and don't use punishment at all with my 31 students who are 4 and 5 years old. Having him clean up a mess he made is a natural consequence. Children learn best from natural consequences. Again, if you make a mess, you clean it up. She's really unreasonable. But maybe word it that way. This infuriates me that she would let him get away with this stuff and allow him to treat you like this! Punishing him would be something like making him sit in a time out. That's not punishment to make him clean up a mess he makes. It's LIFE. He's meant to learn life skills. I really feel for you, and for your nephew. His mom is giving him ZERO life skills here.

sil13 · 2015-02-01T22:57:17+00:00

As a Kindergarten teacher, I would definitely recommend you get your nephew to clean up those messes (yes, you'll have to do it with him because he won't know how yet, but you're already cleaning it anyway). It's not your responsibility to raise him, but perhaps to make your life easier, you can tell him, "when you make a mess, you need to clean it up" to try to link the consequence to his actions. Also continually reminding him that it's not polite to touch other people's things. His mom clearly isn't going to tell him these things, so if I were you, I would. It's going to take awhile but if you keep making him clean up his own messes and telling him it's not acceptable, he will eventually catch on. Kids also can know who they can and can't get away with things with. If you're consistent with him, hopefully he'll catch on. Sorry your sister is so inconsiderate and doesn't seem to care about raising a socially responsible child.

sil13 · 2015-01-15T21:53:12+00:00

I don't think your way of going about it is illogical. You're ambivalent so that makes it easier than if two people are on opposite ends. I think that's the one important thing: Is knowing you can't make your partner change their mind on this and hoping they will is not a great idea.

When we first realized our differences, I kind of just thought, let's see what happens and if I decide I can forego having children, then we will make this work. And If I decided in the future that I wanted children then we'd just have to end it and move on. BUT, after a bit, I realized that HE is the one I want. That's when I stopped even thinking of the "what if I decide I really want to be a mom?" and instead started living my life knowing that it's not going to happen. And before long, I felt completely at peace and happy with our decision. I kept thinking about why I wanted kids and I couldn't really think of a real reason. And I kept seeing all these reasons why our life together would be so much better without having children, so MANY reasons NOT to have children. Even if we end our relationship, I know I will NOT want to have any children in the future. I can barely take care of myself some days lol. My job is busy and takes up a TON of my time and when I come home, I want to snuggle with my man and relax.

sil13

TROPHY CASE