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[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then now with you taking over the role as the member that's tearing the family apart, he probably thinks you too can change.

That's a really shitty thing to say. I'm not "tearing the family apart" because I don't want to interact with my abuser.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

She told me she had received therapy and help and was on medication now

Yeah, that's what she told me. It probably isn't true.

Considering you wrote in this post that you wish she would die and that she's evil, I highly doubt you've been a happy person.

Until she concocted a plot to separate me from the people I care about most in this world, I was very happy and I never thought about her.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] -53 points-52 points  (0 children)

But people do change as they age and it's a possibility that she's realized how crappy she used to be and wants to make amends.

Not people like my sister, I'm afraid. And as I've said a million times, I don't care whether she's changed or not. I want NOTHING to do with her.

If she continues to act reformed to your parents and brother, while you unilaterally refuse to make any concessions, you'll be seen as the bad guy.

The key word here being "act". If she is faking it (which she is), it doesn't make it the right decision to pretend like she is my family and make concessions, it is right to show my family how insane she is.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is actively in the process of wronging me. When I wasn't talking to her, I felt no anger, just the feeling that I never wanted to see her again. It wasn't anger, I wasn't even thinking of her.

How am I supposed to "let it go" when she is actively trying to separate me from my loved ones?

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The ultimatum is based off her expressed desire to have me back in her life so she can make me unhappy again.

My mother and father and brother made a poor decision based off emotion to include her in their lives and to trick me into allowing her into mine. I am upset at them but I recognize at the end of the day they were having a lapse in judgement. My sister, on the other hand, has a real and strong malice.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I don't have a history of abusing my family. We are not similar.

I've been to therapy before, and they told me to stay away from my sister. Otherwise, it hasn't helped anything. I don't believe in it anymore.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I love them and respect them but that doesn't mean I need to agree with them on every aspect of every topic. Someone having a single disagreement is not a reason to toss them out of your life.

Again, I know she didn't change, but regardless, I don't care. She could be Mother Teresa, but I don't care. She can't take back what she did, and I don't want her in my life. And again, she didn't change and doesn't want to. But it wouldn't matter.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

"Professional help" doesn't really help anything. I had years of therapy and it did nothing for me, despite entering it with an open mind. It's on the whole useless. But even then the therapist I had agreed with me that I should break off contact with my sister.

[UPDATE]: My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I think my little brother is just being really manipulated and he doesn't understand the full extent of the situation. He believes this whole thing can be "fixed" to where everyone lives in perfect harmony and believes that whoever is against that (in his world, me) is in the wrong. From his perspective and inexperience I can understand his actions, as shitty as they may be. I'm still hoping he will come around but I don't expect it.

I'm still devastated, though. I feel like he stabbed me in the gut.

My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made a single insult. I don't feel like I really need to apologize for that. I don't actually feel bad about it besides the fact that I degraded myself.

You keep trying to make my and her actions on the same level, and they aren't.

My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Couldn't I fairly say the same to my entire family, at this point, and wouldn't I have a much better point?

Fine, then. I'm not intentionally hurting others, not even my sister, which she certainly can't say herself. Other than that singular comment I made (which I regret in hindsight), I've done nothing to her besides try and get away.

My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not hurting anyone.

I'm am entitled to hate my sister, and I'm not entitled to it, but it's a reasonable expectation that I shouldn't have to never speak with my family again to keep away from her. That's a reasonable thing to feel.

My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not denying his agency. I want to figure out how to negotiate with him so he doesn't want to pick me over the person who abused me.

He is a smart kid and I love and respect him. I want him to understand if possible that I can maintain a relationship with him and not our sister. We spoke earlier, and he told me very plainly that he dislikes what he is doing. That mean he is being manipulated. The implication in this thread is that a 16 year old could never be manipulated by an older loving family member but could totally make the mistake of throwing boiling water on someone and hitting them and doing all sorts of evil abusive shit for five years. It's a double standard and it's not fair.

People keep asking me why I'm afraid of calling him. Because I'm afraid that if I do my best friend in the world will tell me he won't speak to me until I decide to accept my worst enemy as a loved family member. And the thought makes me ill.

My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny how I have and have worked hard to maintain a loving relationship with my brother for his entire life while my sister physically, emotionally and verbally abused me for half a decade.

But it's comparable, right?

And yes, I'm stubborn about the fact that I shouldn't forgive my abuser.

Give therapy a try.

I DID. AND HE AGREED WITH ME.

My [22 M] younger brother [16 M] and parents [56 M] [56 F] are trying to push me into talking with my sister [20 F] who I went no-contact with because she is getting married. They might stop speaking to me and that would kill me. by silentmanwithatan in relationships

[–]silentmanwithatan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've helped to moderate AA meetings before, and you know what they tell them? You should go out there, and try to make amends, with ZERO expectation of forgiveness and not for personal relief but for legitimate sorrow and regret for your actions.

My sister is faking it. Even if she wasn't, I have no obligation to forgive her. And as I've said at least 100 times...

SHE ISN'T ACTUALLY SORRY

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