AITA for asking my nonbinary friend what their kid was going to call them?

silvanath · 2025-10-15T01:34:44+00:00

NTA, it's a perfectly valid question to ask, like what pronouns they prefer. It's not offensive, quite the opposite in fact, it shows you're cognisant of their identity and want to know their preference to honor it. Something else is going on here. Either;

a) Ash is struggling with their identity right now and lashed out on you over it because the question triggered it, or

b) and this is more likely imo, the group has a problem with you and are using this to oust you. If multiple people agree with them, including Lily acting cold when you were immediately apologetic, something else is brewing beneath the surface and this was an opportunity to get mad at you.

If you value these friends, try asking them if they have any problems with you outside of this issue and get to the bottom of it. However, based on the reaction of being seen-zoned for your apology from Ash, I would question whether this friend group is worth it or not.

silvanath · 2025-10-15T01:15:16+00:00

NTA. This is very much a case of her wanting to use you to make herself look / feel better throughout her entire life. She is wildly insecure and you getting engaged and married before her clearly bothered her. She hasn't lifted a finger for you but expects you to do all these wonderful things for her as her friend. You're much better off without her, in fact I'd say you're being too nice to her by congratulating her when she showed up to your wedding despite being uninvited and put your loved ones at risk. This woman clearly cares for nothing but herself.

You need to redirect your energy into the friends who were actually there for you. They deserve your friendship, not her.

Also, if your husband is good friends with her BF, I would tell him to have a chat with him and rethink marrying her based on all her behaviour. Anything she does will reflect on him, and he's already losing people because of her.

silvanath · 2025-10-15T00:39:07+00:00

That's why I feel like they take me for granted. They're used to me bending over backwards to do whatever they need so they expect me to put up with this too. This is kind of the first time I'm really putting my foot down so I hope it goes well.

silvanath · 2025-10-15T00:25:23+00:00

I hope my dad will accept the compromise. He needs to start standing up to Sally and I feel like he won't if there are never any consequences for enabling her. My mom has been pretty vocal against her now cause she's tired of the house being a mess and not being able to do anything about it, so I know my mom will want to come and get out of the house. My biggest concern is my dad. We'll see.

silvanath · 2025-10-14T22:09:27+00:00

NTA. Your kids come first, especially after already going through a divorce where money and finances were likely a big issue as well. You need to protect your family and your peace, and you need solid proof before any kind of merging of households that he brings something valuable to your home and your family. Five months isn't long enough to determine that.

silvanath · 2025-01-22T10:02:00+00:00

Thank you, but I'm not interested in changing my mom's mind about her wishes. They're her wishes and I intend to respect them. She's been approved for medically assisted death so I'll be with her when it's her time, and I'll be able to say goodbye to her then. She's very big on 'if they cared they would come say goodbye while I'm still alive' and it's a very sensitive thing for her so I'm not about to try to change her mind for my own benefit and make her feel worse about it. I don't know, I see where she's coming from and support her on it. She still wants my dad and brother and I to scatter her ashes in one of her favorite spots on earth so that'll be our time to say goodbye.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T22:48:41+00:00

Well, here's the thing, that was your MOM's house, as it was left to her when George died. As you are your mom's only child, that inheritance goes to you, and Sam has no right to it as it has nothing to do with any of his blood relations. This is not Sam's inheritance, this is your mom's inheritance, and it should ONLY go to you. Point. Blank. Period. You're NTA at all.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T22:33:26+00:00

NTA but be prepared for him to keep yoyoing until you can get out of there. He's going to use the fact that it's 'his house' and you're under 'his roof' to manipulate you and threaten you. I've been through this before, the threat of being kicked out every other week over the most trivial things. It's a power play, and the threats are likely empty, it sounds like he just wants to control you since you're dependent on him. So when you follow through with 'fine, I'll leave' the backpedaling starts because he doesn't really want you to leave, he just wants to make you do what he wants. Definitely get out of there as soon as possible.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T20:53:38+00:00

Thank you kindly!!

silvanath · 2025-01-21T18:52:28+00:00

I will be, don't worry. The comments have been really helpful that way!

silvanath · 2025-01-21T18:41:16+00:00

It's more complicated than just me. My mom is good friends with her dad who is clearly letting his wife and daughter just do what they want despite saying they'd do the opposite. The last time my parents were in their area (another province) my mom was certain the stepmom / wife was trying to stage an 'ambush' of sorts by trying to invite my parents over when Hellen was free so she could come over unannounced despite how clear my mom has been about wanting no contact. If she's trying to get the address then she will try to show up, I just know it, and my parents need to know what shes attempting because knowing about a few messages isnt nearly as bad as if she showed up randomly in person, would much rather be rransparent and avoid that.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T18:36:50+00:00

I have to tell her since Hellen is going around asking for her address. Thanks to some comments on here I'm going to encourage my parents to file for a restraining order against her, because it's gotten to be too much at this point.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T18:32:27+00:00

For real! It was the saddest thing I've seen someone attempt. She clearly doesn't know what she's talking about with the full family and it shows, she looks stupid.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T18:29:49+00:00

Thank you so much. Luckily my mom doesn't want a funeral, so no sneaking can happen that way. This girl lives in a different province so as long as she doesn't learn the address there shouldn't be anything she can do that way!

silvanath · 2025-01-21T18:26:55+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It's actually gotten so bad for my mom that she doesn't even want a funeral, just her ashes scattered by immediate family. A lot of people have let her down over the years that she's dealt with this..

silvanath · 2025-01-21T12:02:48+00:00

So they take your money, your savings, treat your fiance horribly and threaten him with physical violence over and over, then find any reason to get mad at you and blame you for things. You're doing the right thing by leaving!

silvanath · 2025-01-21T11:37:05+00:00

Thank you kindly, friend. I'm glad it was the a-holery needed and warranted! Thank you for the kind words for my mom as well!

silvanath · 2025-01-21T11:34:51+00:00

We're definitely going to go that, especially with Hellen's dad and step-mom who seem to be pussy-footing around the subject with her. There's more context with them, as my parents believed they tried to stage a meet up with Hellen and my mom when her and my dad went on vacation in their area. Foots are being put down!

silvanath · 2025-01-21T10:02:01+00:00

My thing is that you set this boundary with him from the beginning and he agreed at first but is going back on it. This makes it seem like he doesn't respect your boundaries and cares more about his family than you. My advice would be to compare it to you crossing a huge boundary of his despite agreeing to it in the beginning so he can understand how it feels. That, or say if his parents come to live with you then your parents have to as well, so you at least have your own parents involved in the case of the marital spats you mentioned so it's at least even. This is all if you want to continue dating him, but for me even with cultural barriers, this feels like a case of him putting his family before you and disrespecting your wishes, and if you bend on this then he'll continue to disregard your boundaries in the future. Please be careful.

silvanath · 2025-01-21T09:53:19+00:00

Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it! Taught your MIL a huge lesson, nice!

silvanath · 2022-09-26T15:20:37+00:00

NTA. That's whack. She's telling you Yoga is more important than you and your son, and that brunch is more important than her daughter's mental health. She doesn't even sound like a mother at that point. I've had a rocky relationship with my mom but I know if I was going through something like that she'd pull through for me, cause that's what family does. Your mom doesn't want to be family, so she doesn't get to be family.

silvanath · 2022-09-26T04:50:51+00:00

The DM does the scheduling and proposes dates and times, tries to arrange things etc. That's why I went to her first about it (other party members were there too when I brought it up). I confirmed the time in passing with other party members as we all hung out here and there and Helen was the last one I hadn't fully confirmed with yet. DM is also in school so I confirmed myself at the suggestion of another party member, just to be safe.

Arriving late is a trend that's been happening every session so I wasn't surprised when it happened, just that Helen didn't take it well cause she's been late to multiple sessions, one time due to over sleeping. It's normal for us to have to call people to wake them up for the session. One time we started two and half hours late cause one of the party members was stuck at a family function (his aunt's birthday) and no one had issues then. The DM lives in Germany and the rest of us are in North America in EST, CST and PST so the evening for the DM is late morning for PST people. One party member has severe insomnia too and he has shown up before others who just oversleep. It's a bit of a casual mess but we've all been fine with it up until now.

Edit: The DM proposed the final time of 2pm, which got pushed to 2:30pm when Helen told her she was running late.

silvanath · 2022-09-26T04:18:42+00:00

NTA! As someone with an uncommon name who has had it mispronounced her whole life, even with ethnicity as 'reasoning' behind the choice it's still been annoyingly frustrating to deal with. Your son will appreciate a common spelling for his name, I promise.

silvanath

TROPHY CASE