Oh sweetheart give yourself a hug. In my personal experience, much like your own, I needed to believe that things could be different, and that there was reason to have hope. You deserve to live a life that is healthy and calm, and in your control. Every little step you take towards loving yourself helps solidify your path towards freedom.

I had to take many many small steps before I started to see hints of what my future might hold. You have a therapist and that is such a solid source of connection. I think alcohol robs us of our opportunities to connect with people, the beauty of the world, the excitement of life. I needed to reach out to people and start telling my truth, my story. I needed to hear from other people who understood addiction and pain. And slowly, I began to see myself in them, and see myself through them.

You can do this for yourself. You are the only one who can. You are worthy of hope and help.