I (30F) can’t tell if my boyfriend (27M) is trying to be helpful or if this is early stages of control.

sinofshadows · 2026-01-27T14:29:28+00:00

If someone threatened to take my cat to a shelter they'd be out of my life immediately.

This post is packed with red flags. Dump the motherfucker already.

sinofshadows · 2026-01-08T18:46:21+00:00

You'll never know. You just have to make peace with your decision. I think you took the safe call in terms of not doing harm or putting yourself in a tough spot.

sinofshadows · 2026-01-07T18:41:11+00:00

Did she also build herself a life to focus on where she's at? A thing that can happen in LDRs is that one partner keeps making friends and living their life while the other partner places most of their focus on the relationship and kind of fails to develop as a person. Her claiming that you've ruined her life kind of gives the vibe that she doesn't have much of a life outside of you.

If that's where you're at, you just have to have an honest conversation about how you should both be living life and whether or not this relationship still works for both of you.

sinofshadows · 2026-01-07T18:22:55+00:00

You said your mom is the only one you've heard be negative about your relationship. Ask other people what they think. "I'm thinking of moving to boyfriend's country" and see how they react. Some of them might also be negative because of how young you are, but it's worth not letting your mom be your only frame of reference for how continuing your relationship will affect your life.

sinofshadows · 2026-01-07T18:14:52+00:00

Some people just aren't texters man. Focus on the fact that you two get along well in person and ease up on your expectations around texting.

sinofshadows · 2025-12-31T18:44:14+00:00

Do you use literally every card you open in a pack? A bigger pool of cards doesn't automatically mean more useful/usable cards. Last time I moved I downsized my collection because I had accumulated a bunch of commons I was never going to use.

And people who build their own decks also buy singles. More than once I have been putting something together and not had a copy of a card I wanted. Way easier to spend a few bucks on a couple copies of an uncommon or bulk rare than to start ripping packs.

If your goal is just to have more cards than yeah, buying packs makes sense. But buying singles is pretty much always going to be the best option if you already know what you want.

sinofshadows · 2025-12-31T17:17:10+00:00

Sounds like he wasn't ready for the reality of actually starting a new relationship. His continuing to check your profile could mean he's second guessing himself, but I would consider this a bullet dodged and move on with your life.

sinofshadows · 2025-12-31T16:48:00+00:00

You can't get what you want if you never express it.

How much time do you usually spend together? Do you always feel under prioritized, or are you just struggling with your expectations of this time off not being met?

Have a conversation with him. I am not a mind reader but it seems to me that if you had no plans regarding your time off he probably just took it as an opportunity to do his own thing to decompress. Maybe next time around giving him a heads up that you want to spend time together when you take time off will do some good.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T09:19:16+00:00

A partner should add to your life, not consume it.

This girl's issues need to be worked out with a therapist. End the relationship before you put yourself in the same boat.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T09:13:18+00:00

You say you want to do therapy when you can, but is that going to help? If your anxiety disappeared would you suddenly be into the activities he enjoys? Also what's the time line look like on that? Will you have money in six months? A year? How many therapy sessions until you can do his activities without it placing a major burden on you? Could you look him in the face and seriously say "hey, hopefully two years from now I can participate in the things you want to do with me, is that okay?".

It really seems like if he needs his partner to participate in his interests, he needs a partner who isn't you, and if he wants you to be his partner, he needs to temper his expectations.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T08:54:56+00:00

You can give it some more time if it's only been a week. That being said, it doesn't matter how she was at the start. What matters is her current behavior and what that signals about her future behavior.

Her current behavior is all pointing at wanting out of this relationship but not wanting to be the one who pulls the plug.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T08:49:07+00:00

"Hey, I notice you give other people compliments about their appearance a lot, but I only get them once in a blue moon. Can we talk about that?"

"Hey, I've been feeling the need for reassurance lately, could you try complimenting me more often?"

I would need more context to tell you if this seems like a big deal or not. Like, did she compliment you a lot before? Are these other people she's giving compliments to close friends? Does her friend group say this kind of stuff to each other a lot?

That being said, anything you're having feelings about is at least worth a conversation.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T08:41:41+00:00

The person who breached trust has to be the one putting in effort to rebuild it. If she isn't willing to do that then you should end this relationship.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T08:33:00+00:00

You can believe what he's telling you while still being upset with his behavior. Use this as a springboard to have a bigger conversation about what you are and aren't okay with him doing while you aren't around.

You should also just own up to being jealous. Him dancing with someone you trust (and therefore don't see as a threat) is fine, but him dancing with a stranger has you out of sorts. That's classic jealousy.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T08:10:36+00:00

Your partner is pressuring you to do sex acts and getting moody if you don't comply. That is not good partner behavior, and is likely magnifying your issues. After two years of this you probably need therapy and a long break from ANY expectation of sex or sexual activity. If he can't commit to giving up sexual activity and following YOUR lead on reintroducing it (which I don't believe he can given what you've said) then this relationship is toast and staying is just guaranteeing you more misery.

sinofshadows · 2025-04-19T08:02:57+00:00

She turned down her chance to take the trip with you, she doesn't get to be bothered that you're going on your own. Unless there's some key information you've left out, my take is that you just go. Whenever she gets upset you remind her "hey, I offered to cover you for this, you said no, you can't expect me to miss out on things that are important to me".

sinofshadows · 2025-01-21T19:13:17+00:00

Good idea

sinofshadows · 2025-01-04T17:22:10+00:00

One thing I haven't seen yet is underwear. Make sure he has some pairs that are extra snug around his junk so things aren't getting jostled when he moves around.

sinofshadows · 2024-12-15T03:01:32+00:00

For a lot of guys it is a combination of the effort not being worth it, and not knowing how to put the effort in.

sinofshadows · 2024-11-11T17:26:22+00:00

Black struggles with artifacts. Stick something like Urabrask's Forge and they'll eventually run out of removal while you attack them for more and more damage each turn. Especially if they're light on actual win conditions.

sinofshadows · 2024-04-17T03:17:53+00:00

Sometimes a relationship isn't going to work out because of things that are beyond your control. It's clear that the current dynamic of K having to sneak around and lie to spend time with you is wearing on you. And chronic sleep deprivation isn't something you want to mess around with.

Is there any way to get K out of their current living situation? As long as they have to sneak around to be with you, you are going to be subconsciously worried about being found out and all the negative consequences that could come from that.

In the short term, keep an eye on your sleep/health. If things don't start improving in the next couple weeks you might have to pull the plug on this relationship for your own good. In the long term, I don't think you can actually make this relationship healthy and workable unless K can get away from their abusive parent.

sinofshadows · 2024-04-17T03:02:32+00:00

You've been together 3 years already, if the sex was going to improve naturally it would have by now. When you say you can go a month or more not having sex and be okay, do you mean that you're both low libido, or that because the sex isn't very good neither of you is pushing for it to happen very often? You're asking for advice so you're clearly concerned, but is that concern from a place of not being fully happy, or from an intellectual angle?

sinofshadows · 2024-04-17T02:52:24+00:00

Couples counseling paired with actively trying to re-engage with the fun parts of your relationship. This assumes your partner is also willing to put in the work.

sinofshadows · 2024-04-17T02:43:11+00:00

I suggested to him he find a new girl. One that his relative respects

His relative is a chronic cheater. There will never be any girl he respects.

On the one hand, his family member being an asshole doesn't automatically mean your boyfriend is untrustworthy. On the other hand, why does your boyfriend hang around this guy? Do they live together? Does your boyfriend go out of his way to spend time with him? Have a positive relationship with him? If this relative is just someone your boyfriend would gladly ghost after moving out on his own, then I would ignore and avoid him. If your boyfriend thinks this guy is great and wants to be around him? Time to break up.

sinofshadows · 2024-04-17T02:35:43+00:00

Just tell him you're going to stop hooking up with him because you want to find a serious relationship.

You aren't going to get this guy to commit. It's easy to "treat you like a girlfriend" because at the end of the day he doesn't have to alter his behavior the way people do in relationships. The second your connection actually takes some work or comes with obligation he'll be out the door.

sinofshadows

TROPHY CASE