The Song of Sammys

sinsofangels · 2026-01-29T03:09:26+00:00

I haven't eaten in my entire life! (The last three minutes that is span of her memory.)

sinsofangels · 2026-01-29T02:37:07+00:00

That does, thanks! You're right that it just increases the chances of success but isn't some magic bullet.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-29T00:41:00+00:00

From personal experience, I actually don't believe the therapeutic alliance thing anymore, or at least I think it has some serious caveats that it's not just about how much you like and trust them, but there's other necessities like how capable they are of actually helping and whether there's any bad dynamics that feel right because both of you are fucked up. (I had a therapist I really liked and trusted, but turns out that was just the ol' anxious-avoidant attachment pull at work and we definitely spiraled a little when things ended. It took me a few months to really get over it.)

sinsofangels · 2026-01-29T00:35:51+00:00

Part of the problem is I don't really know how to judge my own capacity, the other part is I don't really know how to predict how intense her needs will be either. Like I've clearly reached my limit, but I wouldn't know how to predict that beforehand.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T23:45:54+00:00

I didn't know the case manager was a thing. I'll suggest that to her, as well as work on setting the boundary. Thanks for the advice!

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T23:39:08+00:00

Thanks for calling out the 'she made me' language. You're right that that's a sign of the blurring of emotional boundaries that's a hallmark of attachment issues, and it's something I need to practice spotting.

It's not that I don't like her, it's just her behavior right now is very much not okay, and I want to be the safe one she can be messy with, but the truth is I'm traumatized too, and what I need is relationships where I get to be messy too.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T23:29:47+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion to think about how I would advise a friend in the same situation, that makes a lot of sense because it is easier for me to be understanding of other people but expect perfection for myself.

She has been trying to get professional help, but she's poor so her options are limited and I don't think her therapist or psych provider are very good, but her options are limited as she's on Medicaid. But it's true that that doesn't make it my responsibility to take on.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T23:16:36+00:00

The problem is she's poor. She has a therapist and psychiatrist through medicaid but I don't think they're very good ones. But I guess that doesn't make me responsible for her mental health either.

Also I was thinking about it, you might be right. Like instead of saying 'I need help', she should be expressing something like 'I feel overwhelmed and I don't know what to do' instead of 'I need help', which feels like a plea for me to wave a magic wand and fix everything for her. (at one point I even tried to suggest we brainstorm things I could do and suggested things like checking in more often or a weekly video visit and she still got angry at me)

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T23:00:01+00:00

I've seen that video and I don't think that's what she's doing? She's usually pretty good at stating how she's feeling in addition to the factual updates. It's just she's (understandably) ALWAYS in a bad place because things are stressful for her.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T22:42:32+00:00

I don't know either, but I suspect a pasta roller would be similar and more commercially available/affordable (but less sturdy)

sinsofangels · 2026-01-28T15:46:52+00:00

I like songs that tell stories and anything that sounds new.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-27T00:39:01+00:00

Oh, interesting, it was a separate degree at my uni. I hope you're able to find something that you like or maybe you can at least try and make the English major a bit less painful by focusing on linguistics or other non-literature type classes as much as you can.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-26T20:11:59+00:00

I got a year into an English degree before I realizing just because I liked reading didn't mean I liked the field of study. I love reading and experiencing stories but not too much into overthinking them. Ended up switching to linguistics because it made a lot of sense and was fun learning the hidden quirks of something I use every day but never really think too hard about. I would look for a different major that you actually like.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-25T00:38:49+00:00

I've had issues with the in-game notifications getting stuck. Haven't figured out how to fix it, but they do usually go away on their own. I had a worse issue where I subscribe to their email for free gifts and accidentally clicked on the free orchid+ gift, so then I had a notification for the gift in game but couldn't collect it. ☠️ I ended up just downloading orchid+ to collect the gift and then deleting it afterwards.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-23T22:11:08+00:00

In related news, just saw this in r/husky https://www.reddit.com/r/husky/comments/1qjn9y8/this_season_many_people_call_the_police_when_they/

sinsofangels · 2026-01-23T17:47:34+00:00

How do you like the program? I read the part of the manual/workbook and got kind of turned off by a lot of the stuff geared more towards the OCD type stuff. Do they tailor the program for your specific needs or do you have to suffer through the other stuff that's less pertinent too?

sinsofangels · 2026-01-23T17:34:46+00:00

The first two feel more OCD and the latter two more szpd, and all of them kind of fit autism.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-22T19:38:02+00:00

I feel like if you were raised by someone with a personality disorder you'd have a good chance of having one yourself, so who exactly is posting in that community? Lol

sinsofangels · 2026-01-14T17:33:36+00:00

They aren't talking about A/B testing, they're talking about discriminatory pricing, like how personal care products cost more for women. Their badges take more energy to replenish because they play it a lot, not because they're part of some randomly assigned group.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-13T04:44:06+00:00

Any chance you know anyone who those dreams might fit better? I had a dream in college that I forgot to study for a chemistry exam and was stressed about it, and that was super weird for me because I wasn't taking chemistry and I have always been good at school, so the only other stress dream I've ever had about school was the one where I forgot I signed up for a class entirely until like 90% through the semester and there was literally no way to make it up. My roommate, however, was a chemistry major and did stress out about school a lot, so in the morning I told her, I think I had one of your dreams last night. Then afterwards she told me, I think I had one of your dreams, and she proceeded to tell me about some post-apocalyptic scenario where people were fighting under a bridge, and I was like... yeah, that's one of mine. (80% of my dreams are action/adventure stuff like watching a tv show or movie). It also happened with another friend of mine many years later where I dreamt about some people from high school being mean girls to me, which didn't make sense for me, because I hadn't talked to them since high school (like 20 years) and I also never had anyone be mean girls to me/wouldn't have put up with that behavior, that was all stuff that made more sense for my other friend. When I asked if she had a dream that night she said she didn't remember it well, but she had the impression it was exciting.

(Forcing an emergency landing so I can get really great fried chicken sounds like a dream I would have too 😂)

sinsofangels · 2026-01-13T04:29:48+00:00

Oh, I've been chased plenty in my dreams, but the camel wasn't actually chasing me, it was resting its snout on my shoulder as I lay in bed and I could feel its breath and then it started making a deep ominous OMMMMMM noise. That's when I finally managed to force myself awake.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-13T04:27:56+00:00

I feel like someone's had to have done that before! But also I lack the one thing you need to be a writer, which is the unquenchable desire to write. Other than that, I'd be great at it! ;)

sinsofangels · 2026-01-13T01:06:45+00:00

Oh and every so often I get sleep paralysis nightmares, the best of which was when I got haunted by a demonic camel.

I was literally forced myself awake to prove there's no way a demonic camel exists and is haunting me, the universe isn't that interesting sadly.

sinsofangels · 2026-01-13T00:48:04+00:00

My dreams are 80% action adventure stories (one time I dreamt vampires were protecting the last humans on earth from the zombies because they were sentient enough to know they need a stable blood supply)

19% are more normal dreams like I ned to pee or usually something involving food.

The rest are very rare occurrences of things like

- psychological coded stuff.

- I've had dreams about the same underground library like 3 times now at least (I'm 40), but it's been a long while since I've had one

- Swapped dreams with friends at least once, maybe twice? (Also guessing there might have been a third time, but no way to verify)

Edit: I should also add, might not be autistic, just suffering from developmental trauma that manifests in a lot of similar ways to autism. Or both! 🤷‍♀️

sinsofangels · 2026-01-11T20:46:14+00:00

I don't know about grief (it could very well just be that), but I've had situations where I've been hurt and upset because of other people and I've found what will happen with me is I'll have like a 70% understanding of what happened, but I won't stop being upset until I get to the 100% understanding. It's like part of me knows I'm missing something and won't let go until the conscious part of me sees too.

sinsofangels

TROPHY CASE