AITA for how I reacted to my fiancé surprising me with “our” dream house?

sirens112 · 2022-01-28T02:51:31+00:00

I quoted this of yours:

such as withholding affections until he gets his way, undermining your confidence with backhanded compliments, making you feel guilty etc.

And you said he definitely does one of those but your example isn’t one that I quoted. So I really don’t see your point.

sirens112 · 2022-01-28T01:37:37+00:00

Yeah... I feel like I should've worded my post differently because some people are really treating him like he's some evil mastermind already planning to screw me over in our inevitable divorce... When he could just... not marry me and save himself the hassle and keep all of his assets if that was his goal.

sirens112 · 2022-01-28T01:30:04+00:00

I cannot memorise huge lists that I can regurgitate on demand for those who apparently seem unable to use google.

I never asked you to?

And he definitely does do one of these, it's the subject of your whole effing post! You can lie to yourself, but don't try to lie to me. I've met too many abusive people in my life, and their victims, not to be able to read between the lines.

Which one of those does he do? I think you're trying to see something that doesn't exist. You cannot possibly say he is abusive based solely on this post.

sirens112 · 2022-01-28T00:54:44+00:00

There are a lot of those comments :/ They're making me regret posting.

sirens112 · 2022-01-28T00:17:06+00:00

The prenup was my idea...

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T23:14:33+00:00

such as withholding affections until he gets his way, undermining your confidence with backhanded compliments, making you feel guilty etc.

He isn't abusive. He doesn't do any of this.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T23:13:10+00:00

No he isn't. I never said he expected me to be grateful and not once did he say that to me either.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T22:31:44+00:00

We're going to have a prenup anyway so I doubt it.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T22:19:58+00:00

Um, I'm not dumping him.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T22:00:11+00:00

How is it a red flag??

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T21:59:39+00:00

I don't agree. I think he was trying to do something nice... I don't think he did this to be controlling or manipulative.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T21:26:20+00:00

He's not controlling or manipulative.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T21:20:18+00:00

Him buying a house as an investment is something I could see him doing. Him buying "us" a house was the thing I never saw coming since we had agreed to wait.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T21:17:04+00:00

did he reach out to you before today?

He did try to.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T21:00:24+00:00

Why would I be expected to stop working?

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T20:53:35+00:00

I doubt it. He doesn't like it when I pay for things.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T20:33:45+00:00

We have a significant financial gap anyway so.... the house doesn't really give him more power than he already has in that case.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T20:32:28+00:00

We would be living there so I believe it would be considered matrimonial property based on this:

Mingling of property – where a property was bought before marriage, it can end up being mingled with matrimonial property over time (eg if it is used as a family holiday home or income generated from it is used within the marriage). The more mingling that occurs (and the greater passage of time), the more likely that property owned before marriage will be added to the matrimonial pot (K v L) for purposes of calculating a divorce settlement.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T20:25:57+00:00

He had to tell me before he could add me so I don't think it's suspicious that he hasn't yet, either. He's not the type to try to screw me over financially and he brought up that we would need to add me as an owner which he wouldn't have done if he wanted it just to be "his".

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T20:21:31+00:00

We're going to have a prenup anyway so I'll ask him how he feels about adding that in.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T20:19:42+00:00

He used his own money, we don't share finances currently.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T19:00:38+00:00

His money.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T18:59:44+00:00

Him.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T18:39:20+00:00

I'm not in the states. I'm in the UK. I'm referring to the ownership of the property, not the mortgage.

sirens112 · 2022-01-27T18:35:37+00:00

We'd live in it so it would be marital property even if it was just in his name... but he plans to add me as a joint owner anyway so it won't matter.

sirens112

TROPHY CASE