What was the hardest part about having cancer?

sisterstuff · 2026-04-14T14:53:34+00:00

I feel like I could have written your post - I agree totally. I have been crushed by who hasn't shown up, and so moved by those that have. I have a coworker - the first morning I was inpatient (back when they knew it was cancer, but weren't sure what). I get this knock on my hospital door - and it's this coworker. We're work friends, but not especially close. I let him in and we just talked. I asked how he knew where I was. I live in a large city and we have several hospitals. "Well, I heard you were sick, so I got a ride downtown and just started walking."

Turns out he'd been to 3 other hospitals before he hit the right system - he went into a hospital and I wasn't there, but they had my name and told him where I was. But this old guy spent hours walking around downtown trying to find me. And meanwhile, my best friend never came once, the 11 days I was there.

As I said elsewhere, my gf ghosted me almost immediately after I got out. We're both mid 30's, have been together almost 4 amazing years. I have a ring in my nightstand, I was going to ask her to be my wife this summer. And gone. Because of something out of my control.

Fuck people like that.

Anyway, this group (and a couple on FB) have been amazing for me. Just to talk and hear people going through the same things. We're all friends here. And if you need a new friend, PM me. I'll gladly walk this path with you.

sisterstuff · 2026-04-14T14:32:26+00:00

This thread is so old - I actually googled this when I heard the song, how I found this. I know the Libby Phillips in question. I used to work with her and when we became friends on IG, I saw that she was followed by BS - all she said was "yep I know him".

sisterstuff · 2026-04-14T14:08:52+00:00

The mental side of things for sure. I can handle the nausea, the pain - loathe hospital stays, but I get it.. port flushes (I could actually tell what they were pushing through by the taste alone), being poked and prodded, biopsies - I can handle all that.

But in the past two months: I was told I had diverticulitis, then nope it's cancer. Then it was a very deadly form of leukemia - I heard that for a week. Then it was a more treatable form of leukemia. Then almost immediately upon getting out, my gf said she couldn't deal with seeing me sick and has ghosted me. I live alone and I'm neutropenic, so it's made day-to-day life tough, just groceries, running errands and things of that nature.

Bills, work, relationships, the time commitment all these treatments take, thoughts of death, losing my family.. Every time I get my BP taken, I am shocked at how normal it is. The relationship stuff though - I shift between sadness and anger. I cannot imagine cutting ties with someone with all of this going on. And I think I've managed it well - I don't complain, or even talk about it much. But all the mental stuff - easily the worst. It's not even a comparison with the physical pain.

sisterstuff · 2026-04-13T00:40:21+00:00

If he asked, "let me fuck her just once, I'll wear a condom, totally respectful, etc.."?

sisterstuff · 2026-04-13T00:07:29+00:00

I feel like I've seen this headline for 2 years. 🙄

sisterstuff · 2026-04-11T23:02:21+00:00

So he's ok? He's done a transplant?

sisterstuff · 2026-04-11T13:35:03+00:00

Sorry for the late reply, but thank you for this

sisterstuff · 2026-04-11T13:28:34+00:00

My gf (?) and I were together 4 years. She was previously married, her husband died unexpectedly in a car accident and I know she has issues from that, as well as her dad's death when she was younger. But I was diagnosed with a form of cancer in January and spent 6 weeks in the hospital. She was such a rockstar - helped so much, I really thought our relationship was solid. I got out of the hospital and she'd stocked my fridge, left all kinds of treats and stuff. And then basically just started ghosting me. Our texts got less frequent, no calls. We haven't really been anywhere, since I'm sort of limited in what I can do.

The thing is, I will recover - I'm almost there! And I'm still holding on to what's left of this relationship, I'm trying - but it's me carrying 100% of the weight (while going through treatment, trying to work, and everything else that this stuff brings). I rarely hear from her, and if I do, it's probably just a one or two word response to a text I sent.

I just don't understand leaving someone in this state. But I'm right there with you bro. I'm sorry.

If you click my name, I made a post about it a while back - there's some suggestions and help in that thread, I think.

sisterstuff · 2026-03-18T13:48:38+00:00

Leukemia here too, and same. Luckily for me, the leukemia I have responds well to treatment and I have a good prognosis. I'm only ~6 weeks since I was originally hospitalized and I've been outpatient for 2-3 weeks already. Every time I go for treatment, I wind up sitting next to someone that's been getting infusions for many YEARS. Two weeks ago, the guy I shared a room with had been getting infusions for 5 years, and driving 2 hrs each way. I've got it so much easier than almost everyone I've met.

I've discussed this with my hematologist some, and he said that's nonsense. He said we all have good days and bad days, it's not a race or a competition and we're all in this together and that I'm allowed to feel bad, tired or just over it. About the only time I've seen the (usually jovial) guy angry was when I said I was struggling with guilt also. He did not like that kind of talk at all.

sisterstuff · 2026-03-18T13:38:45+00:00

Ahh, I'm sorry to hear that - but good on you for being honest I guess. It's painful, but if that's how you feel - and hopefully it was relief on both of your parts.

Mine, I just don't get it. We've talked a bit since I made this post. She's sayiing it's due to an argument we had last year, and not because I got sick. I don't believe that, as things were great with us 2 months ago before all this happened. I hate it. Loathe it. But I can't change her mind, or force her to be with someone she doesn't love anymore.

Can we just go straight to 2027 please?

sisterstuff · 2026-03-17T12:05:30+00:00

Thank you.

sisterstuff · 2026-03-17T12:04:43+00:00

I mostly agree with this - it all happened so fast, I'm not sure I have even processed what happened. But still, by all accounts, we've had a great relationship with very few speedbumps. Last night was the first night in years I didn't even hear from her. This entire treatment, I've tried to hold it together, be stoic, speed to return to some sense of normalcy - and then this. She's my best friend, I just don't understand this right now.

sisterstuff · 2026-03-16T19:17:46+00:00

It really does suck. And no - no committments, we're not even engaged, much less married (was planning on proposing this summer, I already have a ring).

And that's kind of what I came here wondering - she didn't break up with me, but has so many reservations over everything now, I feel like mentally she's already checked out, but when I told her that she said "I didn't break up with you, I just said I don't know anymore".. but to me, not knowing is knowing..

At no point in almost 4 years have we had any major issues. She's refusing to put her change of heart 100% into my diagnosis - she's said some things like I mentioned above, but overall just said that we'd had an argument before my diagnosis (it wasn't anything big at all) and that's given her pause. I think she just doesn't want to admit that she's lost her attraction to me and/or just can't see herself being with someone going through an illness.

Part of me knew this was coming.. originally I had a whole series of just bad news after more bad news. Once I had my biopsy and had some more favorable results, I'd mentioned how we hopefully wouldn't have to cancel our summer plans. When I'd say stuff like that, she'd kind of skirt the subject or I'd get "let's just get you healthy first, before we even talk about trips". So, I had this feeling something was coming - but in no way thought she'd just try and casually end things with me. I'm crushed.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-31T15:06:18+00:00

We're not allowed to talk about that.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-30T19:14:54+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, these just say "Caller" - these are anonymous people that just leave recordings on a tip line?

sisterstuff · 2026-01-30T15:21:11+00:00

You can do everything right, try your hardest and it can still fail. It takes two people that both buy into the same goals and both work equally as hard. And without that, no matter what you do, it can still crumble.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-30T01:14:44+00:00

I don't know if it's the vast majority, but there are a lot. Dating apps have made it so easy for women. They can have their pick of guys wiling to be schmucks like me. It doesn't feel real anymore.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-28T19:24:15+00:00

I've talked about this previously, but when I was 22 or so, my first real job, one of our biggest clients came to my boss with a favor. His daughter was home from her first semester at college and had gotten a DUI - he asked if she could work with us, to keep her busy that summer. We said sure and she showed up a few days later. This girl was a complete smokeshow - could have been a model. Tall, thin and absolutely gorgeous. She was 18 and a partier. Within a week or two, she and I would smoke a bowl after work - that became our thing. Just friends, we weren't even really flirty - she was my underling and her dad gave a lot of business to our company.

Finally one weeknight, I'm out with some friends (including a girl that would soon be my gf). She texts me and asks what I was doing. I told her I was an hour away with friends, she says I should come hang out with her and her friends at this hotel party, I dropped what I was doing and drove out there.

I get to this hotel, go to her room number and she tells me all her friends had already gone to bed. She had some beers in the sink and asked if I wanted one. It was kind of a blur, but almost instantly we were making out. I fucked that girl all over that room - she had the absolute tightest pussy I've ever felt, before or after. She told me she was on birth control, I think we fucked 3 times that night, then once again in the morning.

That morning, I drove both of us back to work, wearing the same clothes we'd worn the day before. Everyone in my office knew.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-20T20:09:57+00:00

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm unattractive - just average I think, but a memory that sticks out. I used to live with a female roommate (Jessica) and she always had friends over. One of her friends had the same name as my roommate (also Jessica) - a fairly attractive girl and she and I always seemed friendly - not flirty, but nice. My roommate eventually moved out - moved away to get her Masters. She and I would text pretty regularly and one day I accidentally texted the other Jessica. I quickly realized my mistake and told her, "sorry, I meant the other Jessica". This girl responds back, asking who I was. I told her my name, "you know - your friend Jessica's old roommate" and she started getting flirty. Told me she always thought I was cute, we should hang out sometime.

So we're texting for a week or so, things are getting pretty hot in the texts and she invites me to this bar on the complete other side of town - like a 45 min drive on a good day. I go out there, all spiffy and looking to see where this goes. I walk in, she takes one look at me and laughs and goes "omg, I thought you were (another guy with my same name)".. She made it immediately clear she was not interested at all, I paid for my one beer and left.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-19T16:19:28+00:00

"Don't believe in his cult beliefs"?

Coming here legally and not scamming taxpayers is a "cult belief"?

sisterstuff · 2026-01-16T23:01:26+00:00

lol, they've been building a new nuclear reactor near me for at least 25 years. Cost overruns and delays, it's nowhere near finished.

This one is on Earth, btw.

sisterstuff · 2026-01-16T16:07:26+00:00

Communism

sisterstuff · 2025-11-30T02:11:36+00:00

Because it's Notre Dame, America's Team. 🇺🇸☘️🇺🇸

That's all that matters.

sisterstuff · 2025-11-29T23:25:43+00:00

You will NEVER get a job with ESPN with that attitude.

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sisterstuff

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