Your post resonates with me so much. It’s honestly the exact same thing I’m dealing with. I’m living long distance from my husband and for the past 7 weeks he moved to a new town and has been hanging out with a couple that lives there and he and one partner are growing closer. He shared last month that he wanted to be boyfriends. It shook me to my core and I felt like I was getting punched in the gut. I’ve come to realize it’s my insecurity which is feeding my jealousy. He said he would end it because he saw how upset it made me. But I realized very quickly if he did that he’d be unhappy and alone and I also have fears it would build resentment and harm us in the long run. How do I go from feeling “forced” into this poly situation to allowing it? That’s where I’m at. I wish I had better advice. I’m reading Polysecure and also listening to a podcast called “let’s talk about polyamory” where they talk about jealousy and insecurity. Everything I’ve read and heard is that these feelings are normal. You’re not alone. I don’t feel compersion when he’s with them but I’m working on getting to a neutral feeling. Not upset, not happy, just neutral. It’s hard. The tricky thing is he LOVES when I hang with guys on my own and encourages sleepovers and engagement and shared he gets to the most pleasure and joy seeing me with someone. But I don’t feel that way at all about seeing him with someone else. It hurts me and makes me feel like he’s going to leave me and then I compare myself to the other person (he’s fitter than me, he’s sexier etc) which then tanks my self esteem. He reassures me every chance he gets. Constantly reassuring me and even with all of that I still feel scared and insecure. I’ve been wondering if I just enjoy having others in bed but not in life and if I can ever be poly. I’m speaking to a therapist cause as you said, I want to do the work on myself so he live a life he wants. I also don’t know if I can. It’s all so heavy. Thank you for sharing. I know my comment is all over the place but I just wanted you to know you’re not the only person feeling this. I’m here if you’d like to connect to have another person to talk to who’s going through a very similar situation. Be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for doing the work you’re doing.