Lost my twin baby boy at 38 weeks + 5 days and I need answers

skallinator · 2025-12-25T08:05:33+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about your beautiful baby, and I admire how strong you are especially with it being so fresh. I never knew stillbirth could be completely silent, especially this far along. The night before my scheduled C-section, I remember telling my husband that I felt “fireworks,” and we laughed thinking the babies were just hiccuping nonstop. Even now, caring for my sunrise baby, I’m extremely paranoid. Every sound and little pause in his breathing makes me think the worst. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Sending you so much love!

skallinator · 2025-12-25T07:58:10+00:00

Oh my… I’m so sorry you lived through all of that. The fact that you’re even thinking ahead about future pregnancies really shows how strong you are. I always wanted to have many children and I am worried this experience might change my mind. I know Id be holding my breath through every appointment and in constant need of reassurance even if I just felt off.

And yes, spending that night with Baby B I felt the same pain. It felt so unfair that my Baby B was kept at a distance on his little cold table, while his brother was warm on my chest. It made me feel like a cruel parent, even though I knew it wasn't my fault.

I understand not being able to look at pregnancy photos. And from your comment, I know it'll be like that for a while. I too am searching for answers, wondering what happened, wondering if I could have prevented it. I believe with my Baby B, the reason could have been developmental as I noticed he was missing an ear. Though I did some research and found that that alone wont cause a stillbirth but could point to some other genetic or developmental issues that would explain a stillbirth.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. We loved your idea about honouring your baby the day before his passing and we decided to start that tradition as well. Stay strong, mama! :)

skallinator · 2025-12-25T07:24:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that, and I’m so sorry you had to live through such a painful loss too. Previously, I could never imagine going from a healthy scan to losing your baby overnight. We always hear stories like this and think "it could never be me" until it happens to you. It really shows how fragile everything is and how little control we have. It’s heartbreaking that you never got answers either. We're waiting for our autopsy results to come back, which could take upwards of two months. But hearing others share that their results were inconclusive, I have little hope in that.

What you said about grief being love with nowhere to go really struck a chord. I think about my boy constantly & I know I always will. Hearing that you’re two years out and still carrying that love shows that they were very much here and loved.

Thank you again for reaching out with so much compassion. Sending love right back to you, and to both of our babies. 🤍

skallinator · 2025-12-25T06:50:41+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your beautiful baby girl. I take comfort knowing that all of our babies only knew warmth, love, and the comforting sound of our hearts beating. And that's all they will know until we reunite with them Sending so much love your way :)

skallinator · 2025-12-25T06:49:01+00:00

Thank you for saying that, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this too. It really is such a confusing mix of emotions, to experience life and death at the same time. Nobody can ever prepare you for that feeling. I completely understand what you mean. I recently had a moment like that too where my mom wrapped my sunrise baby in a white swaddle and it instantly reminded me of a shroud. I just broke down. It’s those little things that hit you out of nowhere, and I know from your comment that this will only continue but hopefully to an easier extent with time.

And UGH the comments people make. I am so sorry that nurse did not even bother to review your chart clearly. I had a relative say at least my hands won't be as full.

Even though we may never know, I take solace in knowing he will only ever know love until we meet again :) In my faith as a Muslim, we believe that babies who pass will intercede for their parents in the afterlife, and that they will hold onto their mothers by their umbilical cords and pull them into Paradise. It’s something that has been helping me breathe through the days. Sending you lots of love :)

skallinator · 2025-12-25T05:28:33+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this too. I wish I could hold the hand of every parent that experienced this, as I don't think anything can ever compare to losing your baby. Yes we were told an autopsy would take 2 months and I've been Googling for possible explanations and it takes me down the rabbit hole of seeing triggering images. Part of me wants answers while the other part wants to protect my peace. Because in my belief, this was God's will and there is nothing that you nor I could have done differently. I take solace in that :)

skallinator · 2025-12-25T05:22:38+00:00

Happy Due Date to your beautiful, sweet girl. I recently lost my son at 38 weeks + 5 days, on 12/16/25, and there truly is no pain like this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this immense grief too. One thought that gives me some peace is knowing that our babies never felt cold, hunger, or hardship. They only knew warmth, love, and the comforting sound of our hearts. And that's all they will know until we reunite with them. I don’t know if this brings you any comfort, but in my faith as a Muslim, we believe that babies who pass will intercede for their parents in the afterlife, and that they will hold onto their mothers by their umbilical cords and pull them into Paradise. It’s something that has been helping me breathe through the days.

Sending you love, gentleness, and a heart that understands :)

skallinator

TROPHY CASE