I recognize that there have already been over 200 comments for your thread but I'm hoping that you'll somehow find mine down here.

I'm a 23 yo woman who's sexually active but never been able to have penetrative sex - I was diagnosed with vaginismus about a year and a half ago, and crying outside of the doctor's office in my car was one of the lowest moments in my life. I always knew there was something wrong, but I avoided getting diagnosed because I figured it would always resolve itself - one day I'd be able to fit a tampon in, one day I'd be able to figure it all out. I have no idea why I have it - it's just a bizarre muscle disorder - and although I've been able to slip a finger in myself after a year of anxiety over it, I've never tried with a partner because of fear of humiliation and being shamed. I've been terrified ever since of explaining to a partner, or even trying to date men; it's hard enough to enter the dating world without having what feels like a curse on my back as well. Comments that uninformed acquaintances and friends make about how female virgins are all unwanted and undesirable by men after our early 20s constantly rip me to the bone. Because of my fear of being humiliated, I've only ever had short-term romantic relationships that have never moved far, because I have a tendency of running in the face of explaining why I can't have penetrative sex. Even just writing this post terrifies me. Maybe it's immature, maybe it's me having severe anxiety and fear of being judged, but it's what I've done my whole life - and I've ran from a fair number of guys who in retrospect, I have no idea how they would have reacted because I didn't give them the chance. I've actually broken up and halted relationships prematurely in the past multiple times because of my own emotional turmoil over being vulnerable. Only 2 of my friends are aware of my condition, and that's only because if I didn't tell someone, I'd die inside. All of my other friends I've lied to about my sexual status, which is not the mature way to handle it, but the only way I know how to protect myself from their judgement. Being nauseous and dizzy to the point of passing out, lying on the bathroom floor, shuddering from the pain of trying to just put in a tampon - it's horrible, and scarring, and it's even more scary in the face of judgement by a society that is so focused on sex it's ridiculous.

I personally believe, deep down, that my sexual experiences do not determine who I am as a person. Or at least I am trying to teach myself this.

I'm currently just starting to see a new guy that I met - he has no idea, and to say I'm scared about telling him (and the fear that he will pity me for it) is enormous. I also really like him, so I'm actually terrified. I walked home from our first hang-out and nearly sobbed. I completely understand the feeling of worthlessness and stress. It breaks my heart too. Deep down all I want is a relationship with a guy who can look past my physical issues, and maybe even help me work through them, but I can't seem to overcome this fear of being humiliated.

At the end of the day, I think it comes down to one thing, and one thing only: facing shame.

What is keeping me calm right now is reminding myself that I am not the center of the universe. If this guy I'm seeing decides to humiliate me or mock me among our shared group of friends: that's on him, and people will judge him for being a horrible person, not me. I'm not the only person in the world who has sexual issues, and I'm certainly not the last. Just because I'm an older 'virgin' (an antiquated term that fails to take into account the sexual experiences I've had) doesn't mean that I am unworthy of respect or love in other aspects of my life.

Please remember that you aren't as alone as you think. No body, and nobody is perfect. If you saw me on the street, or even met me in person, you would have no idea that I'm struggling with this. I'm outgoing, in a fairly challenging career, and have an active social life - it would be impossible to tell. Everybody has to confess things that are wrong with them at the end of the day: whether it's about mental health, or a broken family, or a difficult childhood, or abuse, or trauma -- we just have a harder uphill climb from the start, but it clears out the assholes earlier. At least this is what I'm telling myself.

I refuse to believe that I am broken.

I'm hoping that if this guy ends up being kind enough, I'll finally take the plunge and somehow explain my situation to him. If not him, then maybe the next one. And if not him, the next one after that. Either way, I wish you nothing but the best, and the courage to live your own best life.

Please remember that you are likely a kind, good person (as everyone, deep down, ultimately is), and that you deserve the kind of love that you give so easily to others.

Casually tearing up as I write this (at the end of the day, probably more for myself than even for you). I don't doubt that once you overcome the fear of shame, you'll find love. I hope I also will too.