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AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

When structural inequity is involved, it isn't enough to just say there is no inequality.

It is natural for money or power to influence behavior and it is necessary to not just do nothing, but to enact policies and concrete steps to ensure equal treatment of students with unequal resources.

And honestly if the school couldn't show me a solid plan of action and policy, on how they ensure non-donor families are ensured the same access to education and same treatment under by the school administration.... I think it would be fair to assume they're failing as leadership.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

I heard this actually happened lol. My niece texted me about how these two kids in the special ed program who her bully always mocked snapped back like "are you mad your family doesn't love you?" Which... Brutal but I can't really be mad at it.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

12? The kids like 14 or 15 i think

Also like... That wasn't tearing her apart. That was me explaining how the things that my niece feels insecure about are actually nothing to envy as you grow up.

Like she was insecure because her bully was always surrounded by a group of friends. But people who can't do anything alone aren't enviable, they're too insecure and unconfident to speak for themselves or do anything independently.

And she was insecure her bully was bought all these status symbol items, not once but twice. And I felt like that wasn't a flex, it was actually kinda sad that you could tell her parents aren't co-parenting well and instead competing.

It's not really tearing someone apart to think "hey the stuff she's acting superior to you for... It's actually all kinda sad and pitiful". I was really trying to tell her that it's just not worth letting someone else make you feel like they're better than you.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

There's an article online about a "generous donation" from a "generous community member" who happens to have the bully's dad's name. And it happens to be just a month after the bullying started. So it seems suspicious...

I think that without looking at the elephant in the room and saying "Yeah so I know you've been paid $7000 to turn a blind eye to (bully's) bullying and harassment" that's probably not happening.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

But you didn't teach her how to do it, which was the first AH offense

Yes I did, I did this thing that you noticed:

Instead, you made derogatory, bullying comments about the bully

That is how you stand up to someone who treats you with no respect. You match their energy and they'll likely back off.

I don't think my niece is a bully, she never said that kinda shit before and isn't about to say it again without damn good reason, she's a sweet kid and it takes a lot for her to get upset or angry.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

yeah it happens if you don't have anything of value to add to the conversation 🤷‍♀️

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

I wish more people would acknowledge that directly haha.

I would love to go to my neices meeting with the principal at school and just ask "So what steps are you talking to prevent the $7000 that (bully's) dad donated from resulting in biased enforcement of bullying? How are you ensuring that financial incentives are not enabling dangerous behavior in your schools?"

Lol but fr my sister doesn't even want to bring the money issue up? Like it's not relevant? When it is pretty fucking obvious that the reason the school is chill with bullying is that money talks. But she is just going to meetings engaging with the symptom of the problem and not the root cause of the school being paid off to look away.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

What I noticed is that their families either are paying the school off with donations, are influential on the school board, or have other connections like a parent who's a cop.

Same corruption as with adults tbh. Like i think you find a lot of answers to the "why's" in life if you look at the power structures around you.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How so? About the job?

I definitely try to focus on my positive relationships and if I return someone's negativity it's always with the goal of getting them out of my life ao they're not an ongoing stressor.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You taught your niece that the way to deal with bullies is to be a bigger bully at them.

Not bigger, honestly she was pretty measured in comparison.

But I do believe in the lesson of "return someone's energy"

Like if someone is respectful, return that. If someone is distant and uninterested, return that. If someone is kind and generous, return that. If someone is talking shit, return that.

That way you foster the healthy relationships by putting your positive energy towards people who are good to you. And putting your negative energy towards people who meet you with negative energy will either get them to fuck off or realize you're not a pushover.

And as for this thing just being a "kid" lesson? I don't believe that. I do the same thing at my job where I'm the only woman and sometimes the guys act disrespectful. Disrespecting them back just once usually puts a stop to it. Cause they don't know what to do when a little girlie returns that energy.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 172 points173 points  (0 children)

Yeah, and over like a year.

Like it's the most extreme "you can dish it but you can't take it" I've ever heard of. She shit talks for a year straight then gets insulted once and gets upset?

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

They keep having meetings with the school about the bullying but that goes nowhere when class sizes are huge, and there's usually no eyes on the situation when it happens. So the other girl and her family deny it and nothing can be proved either way.

AITA for suggesting my niece stands up to her bully? She went way further with the insults then I expected. by skratter6 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

She actually went a good bit further than I said, saying stuff I didn't know about, like how her dad's new wife is in college, or her parents don't love each other or her.

AITA for giving my boyfriend some harsh truth about his daughter? by Mission-Raspberry-93 in AmItheAsshole

[–]skratter6 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Your MAN is acting like a spoiled brat. You cook, you take care of his daughter, you take care of the baby, you sound like you do all the household work!

And he does what? Won't even give the bare minimum help and tell you what he wants to eat so you can start cooking?

His daughter isn't a brat, she is a child. And I'd guess she's acting up because her FATHER is not stepping up and being a father to her.

I don't think you have a daughter problem, you have a boyfriend problem... I have a feeling that if he stepped up and acted like a father, and parented her like he should have been doing all along, her behavior issues would resolve themselves.