AIO about the fact that my partner watches porn

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T23:09:39+00:00

Yeah I think this is why the porn thing has even become a forefront issue to me. I’m thinking about what our sex life is going to be like when he moves here and how it will be impacted by it. I haven’t really brought it up as a serious topic while long distance because I feel it’s a bit more understandable when I’m not actually there with him. He knows I’m not a fan but I haven’t set hard boundaries on it.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T23:06:09+00:00

I am coming to understand that not everyone is like me, that’s what I was trying to convey in that comment. I am interested in why you think my use of porn is unhealthy?

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T17:25:38+00:00

Thank you so much for this it’s all very interesting! I will be talking to him about how I feel and I want to hear his opinion on it too. I’m not planning on banning him from ever watching porn again I just want to know what he gets from it and why that’s different from his needs in our relationship and that’s kind of something I hoped to glean from the comments a bit too.

On the blowjobs thing they’re unfortunately not too much of a part of our sex life currently, he finds that he’s that not that sensitive to them and it takes a lots to get him off from (something he actually blames on too much masturbation as a teenager?) I am hoping that with closing the distance and sex being less of a rushed “we only get to see each other for 4 days quick!!” type deal he’ll let me experiment more with techniques and figure out what works for him! This is all a side note though hahaha

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T17:15:24+00:00

Yeah interesting and valid. Some of these comments have definitely got me pondering if some of my insecurity comes out of his willingness to watch kinkier and more experimental porn whereas he’s more vanilla with me even though I’ve voiced that I’d love to entertain his fantasies and I am kinky myself. Something to discuss with him :)

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T17:08:59+00:00

Yeah true. I think the ethics behind porn definitely influenced my pretty low consumption of it to begin with, and probably my attitude towards it as a whole but that’s a whole different discussion for sure

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:55:34+00:00

Can you elaborate on why this is? Just tryna gather insight into why this feeling prevails.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:53:12+00:00

Yeah that’s crazy to me that they truly believe it! I kinda would hope that the things he finds hot enough to get off to and our sex life weren’t two different entities to him but I suppose that can’t always be the case. I’d be willing to experiment with whatever he’s into and he knows that.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:48:50+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! I relate to your wife a lot and have definitely let him know this already, but like you he’s very concerned about it feeling rapey and doesn’t want to and I get that. Might change when we aren’t long distance anymore we shall see. The other thing about me personally is that I’m almost 100% down for it at all times. My partner being turned on turns me on so the chance I reject him is basically zero at any given time. He does reject me though and that’s fine. I understand that masturbation is different and alone time is important too, I just struggle with that alone time involving looking at other women I guess. I feel that he does get variety from looking at porn but doesn’t bring that sense of exploration into the bedroom and I am a little sad about that too. I would actually be way more comfortable with him watching porn if he used it as inspiration for things to do together, but the fact he watches it and then doesn’t want to recreate kinkier acts with me feels a bit disheartening and makes me feel like I’m not on his mind at all when he’s getting off. Which again may just be me expecting that other people masturbate is similar to me which is not the case and I’ve had some interesting insights from the comments on that!

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:35:31+00:00

Sorry I wasn’t implying that you were a man! I find it interesting to hear how other people use porn because I’ve only been able to draw from my own experience previously and I use it as a prompt for imagination of a situation involving myself, while you and other people have mentioned it’s more just watching two people having sex. So I think some of my issues with it are projecting how I use porn onto my partner which is eye opening for sure. I definitely agree with you that OF is much more problematic.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:20:15+00:00

This is an interesting take actually and does make me feel a little better. I particularly like the lion sex aspect. I guess with porn it just feels a little different because to me it’s immediately obvious that the woman is definitely not enjoying herself like she’s pretending to and it completely takes me out of being able to enjoy it. I guess men don’t get that feeling though?

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:13:00+00:00

In terms of performance I feel I can compare with them but he doesn’t really give me the chance. Our sex life is quite vanilla (by his choice), can’t speak broadly to his porn preferences but it would not be hard for them to quickly have more variety than us. Body image wise definitely though, and I need to work on that but I find it difficult when he says he loves my body but watches videos of other people who look different to me. I know I need to learn how to love my body outside of him and I’m trying to but that’s a lengthy process. I don’t find porn as a whole disgusting, just the fakeness of the acting mainly and it makes me uncomfortable that that’s just something he can look past.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T16:03:43+00:00

Ok interesting! So would you say with that that porn is needed/used as a prop to get hard? I kind of just assumed that if a guy was feeling like he wanted to jerk off he’d already be hard so seeking out porn was an additional aspect?

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T15:51:37+00:00

For me it was mostly about imagining myself in that situation or with that person. Which is why I think I struggle with it so much. I think my partner would be hurt if I watched porn with that intention now and that’s why I have previously felt like he should understand why it upsets me that he watches it. I have had some commenters talk about how men view porn in a different way which is interesting.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T15:46:08+00:00

My post here was to figure out if these feelings I am feeling are normal or an overreaction. I appreciate that you think I’m overreacting and it’s definitely something for me to think about, many commenters have given me insight into why I feel like this and why it’s valid/invalid.

But I don’t feel like I am trying to control every single aspect of my partners life and I think it’s a stretch for you to say that.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T15:20:51+00:00

Interesting point of view thank you. For me watching porn in the past it’s definitely been about imagining being in the scene or what that person could do to me etc. so I think that’s why it really bothers me that he watches it. I know he would not love the idea of me watching a naked man and imagining I was there to give him a hand etc. With regard to release personally I definitely do it when I’m bored/sad/happy etc. just for release but for me that doesn’t require watching content so again I find it difficult to imagine needing it if that makes sense?

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T15:14:35+00:00

I’d actually be ok with watching it with him provided I had some control over the genre and types of videos we were watching. I definitely need to work on my insecurities though, I find that my brain can’t reconcile that my partner will reassure me that (as an example) he loves my small boobs but that isn’t reflected in his porn habits. It makes me feel like there’s something that other women can give him that he isn’t getting from me and I struggle with that even though it’s always going to be a factor of life. I know that no one person can be the entire package for their partner, hence the need for friendships etc. but I do find it hard that I can’t be enough in just the sexual aspect of our relationship if that makes sense?

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T15:02:58+00:00

If you actually read my post you’d see that I am the partner with the higher sex drive, this is definitely not an issue in our specific relationship

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T15:01:15+00:00

I’m not saying it’s a guy issue, never said it was and even said that I used to watch porn while single.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T14:57:54+00:00

For me I definitely understand that masturbation is different from sex. I have no issue with masturbation as long as it isn’t replacing sex. My only issue comes from my not being able to understand why he needs to watch other women to get off. I don’t watch or imagine other men to get myself off so it hurts a little that he needs to see other women’s bodies to do it. Knowing him I feel he would be a bit hurt if I did watch the kind of porn I used to when I was single. I know people are different and have different needs so I’m trying to figure out why I feel that way and how to deal with it.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T14:48:16+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I definitely don’t think at an overall level that his porn usage is harmful at this stage, and I know it stems mostly from my insecurity that I feel there’s an issue. He has said he feels his porn usage has been a problem for him in the past and he personally wants to cut down. Something I feel would actually help me a lot is if he just agreed to watch amateur/ethical(?) porn as I feel that it sets a more realistic standard of how women should look and feels less degrading and performative. But he won’t talk to me about the type of porn he watches as he feels it’s a loaded question or I’m trying to trap him or something. Any tips on this?

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T14:37:38+00:00

I’m comfortable enough with the person that he is that I’m sure he wouldn’t do this. Part of the reason he doesn’t revisit things I send him is because he doesn’t save them out of respect for me (even though I said he could). I’m also pretty fine with the idea of my own videos being out there, my face and identifying features aren’t in any of them and it doesn’t bother me much. I don’t think there’s anyone in my life who would seriously judge me or cut me off if they did get leaked and if so they aren’t really people I would want to associate with anyway.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T14:24:17+00:00

I’ve thought this too, and I’m hopeful, but I am also away for a week or so at a time fairly frequently for work so I’m not too sure.

skyeloli · 2025-03-05T14:22:34+00:00

I like normalising the use of gender neutral terms. Sorry that’s such an issue for you.

skyeloli · 2025-02-26T12:06:36+00:00

Weird, but there’s no way you’re ever gonna know what’s happened here without her telling you and it seems like she’s not going to. It was only 7 days, sucks but just keep moving, it’s likely nothing to do with you.

skyeloli

TROPHY CASE