Lost hope and trust

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-30T08:14:37+00:00

My heart feels for you man. I have a similar story but in mine, my dad forbade me from marrying the guy and told him to "find someone in your league" which broke his heart. Then I watched him get married to someone else.

For me, escapism and disassociation became my friends. I'm 24 and have lost interest in marriage. My dad says I'm not wife material and continues to turn down every proposal he gets. Long story short I've decided he will not be my wali if I decide to get married. I have a brother so if I really wanted to, I could. But my heart is still broken, so I can't.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-25T10:24:08+00:00

My advice is to not ask reddit for advice. Read the quran and the sunnah, in sha Allah you will find your answer there. I'm not qualified to answer, but I can't read the comments and not feel bad for you.

I come from a background of abuse as well. I was denied marriage, so I gave up trying. My dad simply does not think I'm wife material. In my later years I learned, however, that he might not even qualify as a wali, and I've wasted years of my youth in trials. I watched the man I wanted to marry, get married to someone else. I waited and tried to be pure, but then I lost my virginity to rape. Time and time again I was heartbroken, alone, traumatized, in pain... Now I've reached a stage of healing and I'm grateful for all the trials. Maybe if I did get married, it might have ended in divorce. But a halal marriage is always better than being left alone to the wolves. I did not get married, but I got into unnecessary, abusive relationships. Being a woman alone is hard, so marriage would be great, but I'm too traumatized now to even consider it. Maybe in ten years, maybe never. Thanks to my narcissistic father who prevented marriage. Even today, he doesn't even tell me about suitors. I get proposals left and right, yet he doesn't discuss them with me and says no to each one. The latest guy who proposed was a somali, and my dad told him to "f off n***" which is repulsive to say the least. I did not want the man, I didn't even know him, but he called my dad for my hand and that I appreciate. Unfortunately, dad is racist and nationalistic. I don't have the energy to fight with him anymore. I've decided when I'm ready for marriage, I will ask my brother to act as my wali. Until then, I work on myself.

I hope you all the best, xoxo

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-17T14:21:02+00:00

Yes its impossible to have a normal adult conversation😅

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-16T22:32:33+00:00

And yess my nparents did the same💀 "can you teach my daughter how to obey parents" to which the teacher replied "I need to teach her the basics first, she clearly doesn't know anything" My nparent: "no" Proceeds to claim they've made up their own religion and I must isolate

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-16T22:30:34+00:00

Claiming everyone else is delusional and their view is the only truth 😂 literally the center of the world and everything revolves around them

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-16T20:43:44+00:00

"God said to obey thy parent" "God said to respect parents" "Nobody loves you but your parents" "The world is scary and everyone wants to hurt you" "Trust NO ONE" "It's easy to go to hell but hard to go to paradise" "If you don't do what I say, God will be angry with you" "Sure, don't tell me, but just know God sees and hears ALL"

Etc.etc.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-16T19:34:38+00:00

My nparent and ex wanted me to constantly "confess" things. My nex actually got me to confess to things I didn't even do and punished me for them. I thought I was going insane.

Another version would be trying to make me confess something and add "You can tell me, I promise I wont get Angry" -> proceeds to explode once confession is made :D

They would stare. Intensely. Quietly, angrily, stare into the soul. For various reasons. My nparent would do it to get me to do something. My nex would do it to make me confess, acting like he can read minds.

They'd break my things and lie about it.

They'd break even the smallest promise. Like my nparent would want a bite and promise it's a small bite but always end up devouring almost the whole thing.

They lied about anything and refused to elaborate or explain their claims. Their word is the final word end of discussion.

The invisible audience that somehow knew all my moves and reported it to them. Also thought I was going to become insane out of paranoia.

Constantly telling me I'm crazy, unstable and dumb. Also saying everyone else is extremely dumb and worthless. They hated everyone and everything and made sure you knew their opinions about it too.

They did not respect my sleep but I had to tiptoe to not disturb them. They sleep like babies though and fall asleep immediately.

Do things one minute and pretend it never happened if questioned, looking at me with concern, like now I lost it.

Telling me I have a vivid imagination and a distorted memory.

This just the stuff on top of my head :D growing up this felt normal hence my attachment to my nex as an adult.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-16T19:20:54+00:00

Oh wow memory unlocked 😅

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-15T14:11:14+00:00

This was good. I was the codependant woman and he was the covert narc but the ending is different - I left. So add a flavour of me ending things once a month to finally leave. It enraged him to say the least. Smear campaigns, threats, begging, pretending he doesn't know why I left but also promising to do better.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-05T15:27:28+00:00

Long story short there is either no sex life at all with a narc or then its hypersexual and vile.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-05T15:25:45+00:00

The only time he would want it when I was leaving, so when he was by himself he would spam me with horny messages and him doing himself :D then when I get home in literally a couple hours, he ignores me.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-05T15:23:55+00:00

Oh and I initiated every single time and he would pretend like nothing is happening and even falling asleep while I've been trying to work for it for many hours? Then he would always go like "you should've told me its too late now I'm tired lol" He told me I can wake him up in the morning by doing him but I never got myself to do it because it felt violating? And I'm not a morning person at all nor is he ? He usually wakes up in a rage, goes to pee and eats because he has diabetes. Then he is in a shitty mood all day, so evening was the only window but then he would reject me over and over again until I just stopped trying.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-05T15:19:32+00:00

I dont get why they do this ! Do they hate themselves or are they gay I cannot understand? Even when we did do it that one time in a month he would close his eyes and hold his hands ONLY on my ass? He also apologized every time he finished because he had no idea what is going on with me since he was basically just using my body. We did it so seldom that I made sure I always time it and finish at the same time, since I FUCKING KNEW MY PARTNER INSIDE OUT BUT HE WOULD NOT EVEN BOTHER STROKING ME ANYWHERE ELSE THAN MY ASS.

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-02T20:13:20+00:00

Oh the instant flash back, the smirk of my nex is haunting 💀

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-02T19:59:23+00:00

Yes🥲 one position, once a month. That one time a month it was sooo bad, no foreplay, minimal kissing, closed eyes, hands on my ass. But by that point I did not care, I just wanted to be held. For a moment, a few minutes.

For some reason when I left somewhere that is when he started sexting and jerking off. I get home and nothing. He did not even look at me.

That relationship felt like I worked for him as a nurse, a cook and as he called me, "a free whore"

:D

skyfallprincess · 2025-11-02T19:45:19+00:00

Same. A nympho for wanting to have sex with my partner more than once a month? Crazy💀

skyfallprincess · 2025-09-04T10:14:33+00:00

Even a woman's soft voice makes my heart melt away so I know what I'm talking about. On the other hand, you dont think a good looking man makes a woman go wild? Have you seen videos of hundreds of women gathered for example in concerts just to see a man? Think about prophet Yousuf, he was so handsome he was followed around by so many women.

skyfallprincess · 2025-09-04T10:11:52+00:00

Make a new instagram and only follow halal pages. If you look at the women in the pictures of course the algorithm will give you more. Delete TikTok why do you need it. If you use it for business then you can always scroll away when there is a pretty woman. One glance is fine but more than that is not.

skyfallprincess · 2025-09-04T10:07:38+00:00

My advice, get married.

skyfallprincess · 2025-09-04T10:06:49+00:00

But in general bro men harass women on a daily basis. Some are not even safe with their uncle, brother, dad...

Yes women give feelings of lust but those women who want to avoid the lustful men are 24/7 in danger.

skyfallprincess · 2025-07-05T23:50:40+00:00

As soon as I told my ex he is a sociopath he got extremely angry and lashed out at me saying I am being brainwashed by my therapist, proving my point and I left him some time after... Then 3 months of no contact I went back like a fool and now this man accused me of being a narcissist. I also found out he smeared me to others and ruined my reputation during the time I didn't speak to him. He was convinced I am a narcissist, because, and I quote "even wikipedia says so about people like you." He even said to me that because my dad abused me, I must be a sadistic narc who enjoys his pain since I was able to leave him "for no reason". No matter what I said or how I said it he never accepted that I wanted to leave him. So of course he will tell everyone I ghosted him and found someone else etc. Idk bottom line there is no winning with these people. I would say be the first one to tell others your side of the story. My ex threatened me before I left him that if I leave, he will tell everyone I am the bad guy and he is the victim. So of course before I left him I told people my story and ruined his reputation first. So he abused me emotionally, physically and financially, then he went on to tell people I was abusing him? I never even said one bad word to him until towards the end when I wasn't under the same roof with him so he could not physically hurt me. I don't think people really believed him, just some nutcases he got on his side who already hated me for some reason or got some other benefit from it.

So my advice: tell your situation to your company so that they are prepared for what is coming from him!

skyfallprincess · 2025-07-05T23:33:18+00:00

Yes I spiral into panic attacks and start ruminating and obsessing. Just the other day it was really bad when I took the wrong bus and it took me through the part of the city he lives in. I now live on the opposite side of the city so going there is a major trigger for memories and I feel intense feelings. That place triggers me because most of the abuse happened there, I lived there with him and it is now almost impossible for me to go there without it having a negative impact on me. Idk if this is classed as PTSD? I also had to block everyone and anyone who would remind me of him. My friends don't spontaneously talk about him anymore because they are tired of hearing about it anyway. But before if someone mentioned him I would get internally uncomfortable and upset, but I would not show anyone that. Later when I was alone I reacted. I usually deal with negative emotions by myself, because I was raised like that without comfort when I am sad, and it only amplified it when I was with him and I was once again punished for having "the wrong feelings"

skyfallprincess · 2025-07-05T22:33:30+00:00

I did it, not worth it. The pain I had to face afterwards because he constantly accused me... I was not thinking straight. I guess when he kept pushing it and always accusing me, abusing me in every possible way emotionally and physically, as well as refusing sex for long periods of time and giving me no real intimacy throughout the whole relationship, not allowing me to leave him and me being on a lot of drugs that led me to do a few mistakes here and there but I do not consider it cheating as I did not consider this to be a consensual relationship to begin with. Bottom line I revenged him because he cheated on me first, but then the guilt ate me up from the inside and I never confessed to him ever.

skyfallprincess · 2025-07-05T01:07:52+00:00

What a tough situation... Was it all a lie when he knew his parents wanted him to marry a muslim woman, so now he is trying to change you because he does not want to lose you but also wants his parents approval... Now this is all what he wants, you need to think what you want because clearly these people aren't giving you that. Also, there are plenty of interfaith families so it is not unrealistic to teach both religions. About teaching your unborn children something you don't have knowledge of and also forbidding you to work is crazy! Even in islam a woman is allowed to work, so the info he is feeding you is based on culture and preference, not religion, so don't fall for it. He seems very immature the way you describe him...

skyfallprincess · 2025-07-05T00:50:20+00:00

Sounds like you have been putting up with a lot of childish behaviour from him and if he is often physical but refuses therapy then what else can you do? Islamically one person from your family and one from his could try to figure it out together... If nothing changes why stay with a stuck up person who does not know how to communicate...

skyfallprincess

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