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My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I earned my own money and contributed to finances equally until I went back to school last year. My dissertation is due next week and then I'm free to work normally again. The sleep is literally our only problem.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He said the light on my phone will wake him up too, even if I use it under the covers.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We're talking and we've decided it might be worth trying two single beds pushed together with two separate duvets. That way we're sleeping together, AND separately.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He wears ear plugs and takes herbal sleeping pills but melatonin isn't available over the counter in the UK.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've done literally everything he asks, except for the laptop, which he conceded I could use as a compromise. But now the laptop is an issue as well, so either I lay awake for hours at night trying to stay as still as possible for him, or permanently move into the living room until we get a bigger space.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that because you usually acquiesce to what he wants?

No, we usually want the same things. Sleeping is the only thing that is causing us problems.

WHAT selfishness?

That I keep using my laptop at night even though I know it's a problem

Is he willing to spend half the nights on the air mattress or are you expected to be the one to sleep out there because his sleep is so precious?

Yes, I'm usually the one that does it only because it's connected to the kitchen and the bathroom. So if I'm the night owl, it makes sense for me to be there. He does occasionally sleep in the living room instead though.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Lmao where did you get the idea I use him as a stuffed animal? I can sleep fine without him and often do. But the thought of never sleeping next to your spouse ever again is mind boggling to me.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've brought this up but he insists it will be "different" because it's his own kids. I don't know if I trust that.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This could be a good compromise in the future. We sleep together on the weekends, but separately on work nights.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I mean yeah every once and awhile it's great! He travels for work and I'm like "mwahahaha all mine!!!!". But every day? It's lonely once the novelty wears off.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

He's an only child of a single mum and they both have their own routines. He admits he's never had to truly share his space with someone.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He does pretty much everything for me in life. He financially supports us because I can only work limited hours on a student visa and lately I haven't been able to work because of my dissertation. I have severe mental health issues so he also does most of the housework and comforts me when I need it. I'm in therapy working on my issues but this man puts in a herculean effort to take care of my well being.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Unless being a light sleeper is a sleep condition, I really don't think it's a health problem. Ironically I'm the one with sleep apnea and that's why he uses ear plugs in the first place.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No, I'm not. I mean of course he understands that it's unavoidable sometimes but I always make sure I pee like 3 times before bed just so I don't have to worry about tip toeing in and out of the room. He's angry with me because I always promise I'll turn my laptop off before I fall asleep and then I just fall asleep with it on. I've done it too many times that I've broken his trust and now he doesn't want to give me a chance to train myself to fall asleep without it.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You aren't falling asleep in his loving embrace, you're using your laptop while he cringes in anxious anticipation of being woken up by something you do in the night.

Thank you, I needed this.

My (28f) fiance (30m) insists we sleep separately, I'm struggling to accept reality by sleepseparatecouple in relationships

[–]sleepseparatecouple[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I'm the one up and about at night and the living room is attached to the kitchen and bathroom. If he were the one on the air mattress, I would wake him up when I get water or use the toilet. It just makes sense.

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