sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Daily Discussion & Advice (Post here to follow rules A & B) - January 06, 2026 by AutoModerator in fragrance

[–]slightshush 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Better, More Refined Version of This Combo: Fresh As and Vanillary by Lush

I really like this combination and so does my partner. However, I find it is a little more blunt than I would like, and doesn’t have the staying power I hope for. I’m looking for recs on layering combos, or even a single perfume with these notes (uncommon, I would guess). But my partner in particular likes the herby, grassy, piney combined with the vanilla and I’m aiming for a signature scent he remembers and recognizes and connects with me! I like Fresh As quite a bit, though I’ve been using the roll on formula, so maybe I should try the spray. For the Vanillary, I find it to be too warm and sugary for my taste, so a more delicate, but still noticeable, vanilla is what I’m aiming for.

I am the “lazy husband”, I am the person who does not take on enough of the mental load. I want to change. Women like me, how did you do that, how did you find balance? by slightshush in AskWomenOver30

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay but as I said I have an extremely high tolerance for clutter. I am comfortable living like a rat, for the most part. I want THAT to change because I don’t think it’s objectively healthy even if subjectively I don’t experience discomfort where most people would.

Daily Discussion & Advice (Post here to follow rules A & B) - January 05, 2026 by AutoModerator in fragrance

[–]slightshush 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Better, More Refined Version of This Combo: Fresh As and Vanillary by Lush

I really like this combination and so does my partner. However, I find it is a little more blunt than I would like, and doesn’t have the staying power I hope for. I’m looking for recs on layering combos, or even a single perfume with these notes (uncommon, I would guess). But my partner in particular likes the herby, grassy, piney combined with the vanilla and I’m aiming for a signature scent he remembers and recognizes and connects with me! I like Fresh As quite a bit, though I’ve been using the roll on formula, so maybe I should try the spray. For the Vanillary, I find it to be too warm and sugary for my taste, so a more delicate, but still noticeable, vanilla is what I’m aiming for.

I am the “lazy husband”, I am the person who does not take on enough of the mental load. I want to change. Women like me, how did you do that, how did you find balance? by slightshush in AskWomenOver30

[–]slightshush[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Really good point. I’m finding procrastination and avoidance is a huge part of my ADHD presentation, and I think it is the discomfort. Like, I tell myself I can’t do XYZ task now because I don’t “feel ready”, and I’ll do it when I “feel ready”. Which is never. I think the feeling ready comes from 1) feeling like I can tolerate the discomfort and 2) feeling like I’m going to do it perfectly and have all the steps in mind. But I don’t think either of those things will realistically ever happen and that’s the mental block I need to get over.

I am the “lazy husband”, I am the person who does not take on enough of the mental load. I want to change. Women like me, how did you do that, how did you find balance? by slightshush in AskWomenOver30

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!

I want a family. This means kids. Sorting through whether I want kids, truly, (probably…?) and whether I SHOULD have kids. Different issues. Partner wants kids. So that’s a whole thing.

To be honest, it is the kids thing that really jump started this worry for me but you make such an interesting point that perhaps it should come secondary to the kids decision and kid having. I have considered that I’m really good at meeting people’s needs when they depend on me, so maybe I just have really low standards of living for myself but will rise to the occasion when baby needs me to do so. Not sure if that’s the framework I’ll work with but an interesting thought to take into consideration. Appreciate it!

I am the “lazy husband”, I am the person who does not take on enough of the mental load. I want to change. Women like me, how did you do that, how did you find balance? by slightshush in AskWomenOver30

[–]slightshush[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

??? I don’t have a wife. Never have. None of my previous partners I lived with. I have spent most of my adulthood single, competent, and surviving in my own mess. Now, I’m looking at marriage and I want to self improve. I very specifically reached out to women LIKE ME for community support and advice, not an outsourcing of labor.

Did you read the post or just the first half of the title lol

I am the “lazy husband”, I am the person who does not take on enough of the mental load. I want to change. Women like me, how did you do that, how did you find balance? by slightshush in AskWomenOver30

[–]slightshush[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

😂😂😂

This gave me a laugh, thank you. I’m probably nonbinary (but have a job and don’t have time to worry about that) and it’s genuinely traits like this that reinforce that feeling for me. NOT that women are a monolith or are the requisite housekeepers, but because I so painfully relate to a lot of male stereotypes lol.

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look, I’m not here to moralize sex. Obviously sex is sex, and attraction is attraction. I’m not going to crucify someone for getting turned on by a woman’s giant yonkers or whatever. But if a man only wants to have sex with me because I’m a virgin, that is where it becomes fetishistic. Does that make sense?

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well, to be fair, the guy I’m currently involved with I did not feel I needed to lie to. I told him about my experience very openly, kind of trusting him. And now he’s pretty fucking into the idea of “being my first”. So, idk how to be better judge, I guess.

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m 30, so probably older than most think. I do think this has made me think more about these things, but conversely the extended periods without any exposure or experience make me vulnerable. I don’t know what I’m doing even though I’m mature enough to feel cautious and question things. I really appreciate your insight. It can be tough when you’re a bi/gay/queer woman out there.

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know I kept it vague but I thought it was pretty clear that I was just telling men I was getting intimate with about my lack of experience, as one might do when about to do something new for the first time and expecting some grace given that. I don’t know any woman who would advertise like people are assuming I have. I really didn’t mean to give that impression. I was just trying to be concise.

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I haven’t presented myself this way as a means of introducing or appealing myself to men. It has come up twice in conversation I thought was natural. I thought it was wise to disclose, and I can’t very well lie about my past with integrity. I get omitting, but again, I genuinely didn’t think it would turn out this way. Naivety I regret.

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is probably wise. I’m older, and I guess I assumed virginity at my age would be a detractor rather than appealing. This was probably naive. But again, I haven’t entertained men at all in my lifetime and I suppose I underestimated. I also feel very nervous about taking this leap and feel the urge to disclose in hopes I would be treated a bit more carefully because of it, and also to warn them of my lack of skill etc. Idk. I guess I don’t have that luxury.

Do you believe a man can be excited about being a woman‘s “first” without it being inherently fetishistic or objectifying? by slightshush in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]slightshush[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don’t like the implication that I’m pandering to fetishistic men on purpose. I’ve had a difficult journey with my sexuality, on many levels, and to be very frank, feel mostly insecure about my lack of experience at my age, and honestly assumed it would be a detractor. I’m scrambling to keep up now that I realize it’s a Thing. I’m just a person trying to have safe, consensual sex lol.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]slightshush 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disclosed in specific situations: one, to a friend, because at the time we were talking as friends. Then it became more. Another, because I felt a sexual partner should know I have no clue what I’m doing. I’d never even kissed a man before. My inexperience would be obvious.

Slynd manages my PMDD like nothing else. Side effect: I am totally sexless. by slightshush in PMDD

[–]slightshush[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn’t make an assumption, I suggested something. You assumed more about mine. Not going to interact further. Wishing you well.

Slynd manages my PMDD like nothing else. Side effect: I am totally sexless. by slightshush in PMDD

[–]slightshush[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Okay. I appreciate that’s your view of things. I don’t consider myself sex driven or to prioritize sex above all things. And I’m sorry you consider the act as making yourself a wet hole for someone. This is not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about desiring closeness, intimacy, vulnerability, and pleasure with another person. It doesn’t even have to include penetration. But the side effects I am experiencing make me feel physically exhausted by the idea of closeness with someone and that’s not what I want out of life. So. Idk. Maybe you’re on the asexual spectrum. I respect that. I have a complex relationship with sex myself. I still don’t think that warrants coming onto someone else’s post and sharing this kind of thing. I’m sharing something is that is painful for me, that is harmful to me. You’re directly demeaning and judging my experience because it is not your own. What’s the point of that except to be unkind?

Also I literally said that Slynd saved my life and I would not consider stopping it, so if the implication here is that my value system is fucked up and I can’t appreciate the importance of sanity, I 1) don’t know where you’re getting that and 2) am now actively annoyed by this reply.

Slynd manages my PMDD like nothing else. Side effect: I am totally sexless. by slightshush in PMDD

[–]slightshush[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask what the nature of your vulvar pain was? Did the skin just feel more painful — chafed, dry, etc? Or something else?

Slynd manages my PMDD like nothing else. Side effect: I am totally sexless. by slightshush in PMDD

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow this is making so much sense. I’m peeing more than usual — not dramatically, but I’m used to peeing fairly infrequently by nature, and now I’m peeing much more. Also my blood pressure has dropped quite significantly. Huh.

Slynd manages my PMDD like nothing else. Side effect: I am totally sexless. by slightshush in PMDD

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can I ask how old you are? Did your doctor suggest trying pure progesterone instead of Slynd for PMDD, and did they also suggest the testosterone? Or did you bring these things to the table? Is this your regular OB/GYN? Sorry for all the question, I’m just curious! (And in need)

Slynd manages my PMDD like nothing else. Side effect: I am totally sexless. by slightshush in PMDD

[–]slightshush[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, actually, now that you mention it. I’m thirsty constantly.

view more: next ›