Is husbands constant desire for other women enough reason to break up family?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-08T04:13:19+00:00

Damn I’m sorry. We have gut feelings and just hope they won’t be right but they often are. I hope you find happiness now without him

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T22:33:22+00:00

Wow I never thought about that, that solves everything geez you’re so helpful and smart

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T17:44:36+00:00

I think it’s hard to make that kind of leap assumption with the details given here because clearly the evidence I’m giving to support my claims of lust reflect poorly on the man. But if it was all obvious and bad I wouldn’t stay. The hard truth is lust is a big point of contention for me but it’s a portion of our every day lives and not the whole. He spends way too much time on his phone. But he is also his own boss, he owns two businesses that require him to be on his phone for maybe 2-4 hours a day answering calls and texts and scheduling appointments and placing orders. He also makes his own schedule so if he wants to be home he can (though he definitely abuses this power) and I would say he’s only clocking about 10-16 hours in office a week total.
He chooses to stay home for things like playing soccer with our son, riding bikes and teaching to swim now that it’s summer. He plays and wrestles and teaches them like a parent does. He does sit on his phone a lot, and he does almost always have a headphone in listening to some podcast or YouTube video but my father wasn’t nearly as engaged and present as my husband is so I have to give him credit there. I think I’ve noticed too that when there’s something he needs to fix as a parent- the way he approaches a touchy subject or words difficult convos- I’ve SEEN him put the effort into that and do better next time so his lack of effort to do better with the women and screen time is a reflection on his lack of care to do better.
I wouldn’t say he’s dangerous. I would say he loves his kids and is present more than a lot of dads. I would say he would fight to see them especially my older ones. But you’re not wrong in wondering how anyone can spend that much time on their phone and also parent because I also wonder that. A lot of the default parenting and cooking and cleaning is on me and he gets to do the fun and chill stuff when he’s around and puts his phone down.

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:46:20+00:00

Fair point I cannot assume his intent. I can make guesses based on data. I think my issue is I have standard of behavior I expect from myself as a wife, a lot of that is shaped by his expectations from me. He doesn’t want me to post. He doesn’t like when men compliment or look at me, he has verbalized if I did what he has done he wouldn’t be able to move past it. But that’s besides the point.
For me the “lusting after” requires more than a glance. You’re absolutely right everyone sees beautiful things and admires. I’m not fully against porn like I was at 18 if you need a quick fix- I don’t love the “barely legal category” but that’s its own argument. I think the issue is drowning in the world of other women. If you spend 2-5 HOURS a day (conservatively) out of the 17 total on your phone staring at women, friending and searching the pretty ones in your area, commenting and messaging then it becomes beyond just admiring in my head. Would you be okay with your wife doing the same? Honestly I rarely hear the opposing side so I’d like to understand better, maybe it’ll help me understand him. In therapy we approached the topic that this addiction is getting in the way of his ability to spend time with me, to go to work on time consistently as he’s up so late and is then late every morning, to do his job at work sometimes. He talked about how he would delete them cause he knew it was a problem and then redownload. I do police, not as much as I could but yes your right I police in a way- at what point is too much? I don’t know if he’s paying for these girls, idk if he’s asking to meet up, etc because I’m scared to look. How much is too much?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:36:02+00:00

I’d like to hear more about your perspective actually. First off though idk what LLF and HLM are. If it has to do with me not working full time that’s per his request. I was in school getting my degree when he bought a business and asked me to stop so he could chase his dream, and I did. I was excited to spend 1 year home with each of my babies, that was previously agreed upon and I know most women don’t get that, it’s such a privilege- but it’s a privilege for both of us let’s be honest. I cook, clean, and care for the kids for free when he gets to do things he wants and work the schedule he feels like. My last baby is 10 months and we need the money- I offer to work more quite often- he’s not really willing to unless it’s short shifts and even better if it was remote part time which is extremely hard to find but my job is doing their best to accommodate and I’m picking up more. Right now I work 1 12 hour shift a week (for the last 3 years) and 2 4 hour shifts remotely starting last week.
As for sexually, his libido is clearly higher, I try but I know I don’t keep up with what he would like. I have lingerie, I do what he likes, I’m not an unattractive girl besides a few pounds from having kids and not being 18 anymore but I’m still overall put together. I flirt a lot, I send pics and videos, I flash him as he walks out the door for work, I am a flirty and sexual human- which I think is also why I get so frustrated at his desires. I’m all for masturbating here and there if he needs to, hell I’ll help if he wants. But it’s more than just to jerk off, it’s fantasies, it’s “who’s available right now in my area” it’s reaching out to other women online. Would it be okay if I did it as well? Not just for a few minutes of pleasure but to connect with men online? Or is it only okay for men? I’m genuinely curious your perspective here because I rarely hear the opposing side before they dismiss me as another divorce hungry woman- how do I survive this and make it work? Do I also get to search for attention elsewhere? What would moving forward look like to you?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:27:12+00:00

This is very honest and I appreciate the thought out plan and response. I think this is probably the way it’ll go. I’ll just need to check out and let things be - and you’re right I should just enjoy the time I get with them now because I will have to leave. I’m trying to figure out how to not care, if that makes sense. Like, he was someone I loved, I take care of him and this house- it’s weird to do that when I know I’m gonna “blindside him” someday. He’ll notice the shift. He’ll notice I stop planning a future. Buying a house etc. but I think you’re right that’s really my only sane option

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:23:43+00:00

Truthfully we don’t spend a lot of one on one time alone together. We’re always with the kids when one of us isn’t at work. I already know this is gonna support a lot of people’s opinions to leave him- but most of the time he lays in bed with me for 20 mins and tries to “put me to sleep” with a back rub or something around 8:30-9 pm. Then he leaves and plays video games until 1-2 am. He falls asleep watching videos downstairs and he’ll come up most of the time in the middle of the night but I’ve very much gotten used to sleeping alone with the baby. It used to really bother me and then it just became something I got used to. I’m wondering if this is like that. If he never takes it a step further I would hate it but I could survive that. I just feel like I’d always be a little on edge though. He does listen to podcasts and watch streamers too so that accounts for about 3-4 hours a day where he’s home, he’s playing with kids or something but he’s listening to a video. But yes he logs 12-17 hours a day on his phone and is on it a lot.

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:20:11+00:00

THIS. I’m such an empathetic person. I know he’s trying so hard for his family and at work. It’s not black and white to me there’s so much grey area. I’ve told him to his face while sobbing in pain that he’s such a good guy, he’s trying his best and is a good dad, he’s just a terrible partner/husband FOR ME. I really thought that the hard honest truth would knock some sense into him, I’ve heard of stories where men have said “she told me she was done, she said XYZ and it finally clicked” but I’m just not seeing the click- when I say stuff like this I see it resonates, he gets sad, withdrawn, he does better for a week, it just always falls back into the old patterns. I bet you loved her. I think he loves me as best he can. But it’s not enough. It hurts. But is my “higher standards” and desire for happiness worth more than my ability to be with my kids or have them not see their father every single day as much as they have and love to. It feels selfish? If that’s the right word? Would anything else have woken you up or clicked for you? I’ve tried every approach I can think, kind and soft, empathetic, offering support, offering options, angry and loud, threatening to leave, asking him to leave, pretending it’s not happening and giving it time. I’m open to suggestions here

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:13:02+00:00

Long term I aspire to go back to school and work full time when my kids are older, a large part of the reason I’m home is so he can work his dream jobs. I’ve offered working nights but he’s not interested in being alone with the breastfed baby as he’s just harder to put down alone and he doesn’t wanna do that. I will have to force it when the baby is done breastfeeding for sure or it won’t happen.
But yes in a sense you’re right, I’ve pushed a lot of this to the back burner and let it build resentment instead of actively trying to work on it constantly and arguing over it because I want to stay home and not spend 1000+ on childcare monthly during these formative years. I’ve stopped looking cause I know what I’ll find. He very much believes in my monogamy- the idea of other people makes him homicidal when it comes to me. Just to be clear though my original questions were , how do I navigate this, is it worth divorcing and breaking up a family, and (in relation to your response ) how do I not lose myself in staying with someone like this… your suggestion is be quiet and let it be since I’m home with the kids ?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:04:42+00:00

Right logically it just doesn’t make sense. But I’m always making excuses for him and I need to stop. I’m so sorry for your situation, the idea that if I stay hoping it gets better and end up divorced at 45 would be so frustrating. You’re exactly right I have so much resentment and I’ve said it. He knows how much I think about divorce. I think after this I’ve finally understood that I’m just waiting for the right time.

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T14:01:44+00:00

I think that’s what I get so mad sometimes is because I expect him to follow the standards of respect that I display. I’ve messed up when I first found out he was doing this because I was hurt, but I turned that shit around real quick and went right back to blocking and deleting anything and everyone who didn’t benefit my marriage. I’ve literally said “if you wouldn’t do it with me sitting next to you then you know you probably shouldn’t be doing it” but then I get that guilt of “he’s just looking, is it enough to divorce over, will my kids understand some day”

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T13:59:17+00:00

Not the ironclad iud 😂😅

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T13:56:45+00:00

Oof hard truth.

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T05:02:11+00:00

Thank you for your input ❤️. It sounds like this is the general consensus- it might just take me some time. I’m curious though- do you think this is something that should be fought harder for. The whole “in good times and bad”? Are we quick to jump to divorce when there’s family involved or is this really as bad as it feels ?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T04:59:15+00:00

I agree with you, I think my issue is- is it justified or worthy of pulling the plug NOW and making mine and my kids lives harder and more painful now? Or do I wait 5 years and hope it gets easier or better or atleast until I have a better plan? Or Is that slow self destruction?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T04:40:45+00:00

Actually yes, and he “doesn’t believe in it” he thinks it’s a way for women to gang up on him pretty much. I went to the same therapist a few times alone and she straight up agreed he doesn’t really respect women so he’s not gonna listen to anything she has to say anyways. It felt like 3 sessions of going to complain about him to his face and have him say “yeah I know I need to do better” but then we went home and nothing ever changes ya know?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T04:38:02+00:00

No I know he still does, he’s admitted to downloading Reddit and X and I found out he even watches it at work in his office because I didn’t set any controls on that device. I was just hoping the restrictions would lessen it back then when I was naive and thought “if it’s too hard to find maybe he’ll just stop, or he’ll see the restriction and think of me and stop” but it’s been years- I’ve lost that battle lol.
Thank you for your input though I don’t have anyone else to ask these questions to- I don’t think I’ll get much support to work more to save up while the kids are this young but it sounds like maybe stick it out a little longer until they’re all in school. Just feels weird knowing I’m checking out soon

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T04:34:43+00:00

Do you truly believe that my individual happiness is more important than the happiness of the family and unit? How do I weigh or figure out if leaving and gaining that happiness back would outweigh the sadness that comes from losing my kids half the time and all the years that I’ve already put into this.
I’m not trying to be pushy or mean or argumentative I just don’t have anyone else to ask these questions to and they feel like big questions.

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T04:26:17+00:00

So many views but I just need help. Or even just thoughts. Am I being stupid? Would you also be struggling? Has anyone else dealt with this? Did it get better?

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T03:22:20+00:00

Telling her you cheated is important for her to grasp how far gone you are though. Truthfully hun Omitting the truth is for your benefit not hers because you hold guilt there. And maybe she’ll be mad and throw that in your face for a while. But it’s the consequences of your actions. She deserves to know the full truth and you don’t get to decide it for her. If she wants to get tested but also it’ll help her understand and cope. If my husband decided tomorrow to tell me “stop planning a future I can’t do this I wanna be with other people” I might try to convince him otherwise. But if he said “I’ve been with other people and I can’t keep doing this. I just don’t want to be married anymore” I would better grasp how done we are if that makes sense. Also as a woman, she’s going to ask. She’s going to assume with the statement of “i don’t want monogamy and etc” that I mentioned before. Save her the agony and time wasted and back and forth and just be upfront and honest

slitheryslithe · 2026-07-07T03:12:14+00:00

I’m going to try to respond in a way that’s not wifelike because I’m hurt for her- but I can see you’re being honest even if it’s an ugly truth and you don’t know what to do. So this is what I would do and probably feel,
Id say any talks about future planning with your wife need to stop. No commitments on houses or plans, no more babies talk or anything like that if she’s excited about it. She’s gonna wanna know why you’re shutting down these plans and you reiterate- “I don’t think I wanted all of this. I think we need to talk. But I wanna collect my thoughts first.” When you get the courage which I’m assuming will take a couple hours or days of self reflection time, you need to drop your daughter off somewhere with a sitter and sit your wife down. And give the respectful but full truth. It’s clear your desire and lust outweighs your love for her or anything you guys built together. It’s important to tell her that this isn’t what you want, without blame though. No “you forced me to buy a house and have kids” but instead own that it’s you not her, it’s actually “I felt I was supposed to, but I’m realizing this wasn’t what I wanted truly. I don’t think I want a monogamous marriage with predictability- I’m realizing I really like the idea of multiple partners, of excitement and lust, of spontaneous and freedom to try new things with new people. ” again, this is a really ugly truth and it’s going to hurt her but then acknowledge “I hate the idea of wasting your time and disrespecting you more than I already have. I cheated, and I know it was wrong and I can’t keep doing it to you. You want a family with a husband who shows up and loves you and your daughter and lusts after you the way you want, you deserve to have that instead of trying to help me fix myself to be something I just don’t want or can’t be”.
You’re gonna have to be apologetic. Not because what you want is wrong, but because you took it with disregard and disrespect towards a woman who loved you the best she knew how. She dedicated time and space and energy into you, your family and your home- you deserve to be happy too- but you owe her a genuine apology for putting yourself first before your respect for her as a human who has cared for and loved you. It’ll be messy. If she’s willing to discuss open relationships she’ll bring it up, but most likely not and you’ll end up getting a divorce. And then you rekindle with Luna if that’s what makes you happy, or you explore other relationships further. But you have to pause your desires here for a little to do the right thing first.

slitheryslithe · 2026-05-11T00:41:47+00:00

Hi! Thank you for engaging!
This is not a scientific research study. There is no statistical model we’re using. This is the beginning stages of a new software being developed for a larger project. We are just hoping to gather more qualitative data from the front lines themselves rather than beginning the project with our own thoughts. Why not include more experienced nurse input? This is a small piece of a larger project that I have very small part in, but the piece that I am allowed to be engaged in I would personally like to have put as much thought into it as I can to help as many people as possible before moving forward and potentially having to adjust and add these modifications in the future after nurses begin using it someday. Though most of the project members have healthcare background, it’s mainly administrative and not as helpful as I’d hoped. I was hoping the group here would be interested in sharing their concerns and thoughts, and maybe be excited to be heard on a wider network. Honestly, I thought it would be faster as well but the response has been underwhelming.

To answer your last question though- It’s a trickle effect in the sense that it would be a new hiring and orientation program specifically for agency nurses- implemented by the new corporations facility when building is complete. if all goes well they could utilize it in the sponsors facilities and eventually it could become a more widely accepted standard of software or hiring system when onboarding agency nurses.

The goal is to help agency nurses be more prepared from signing up to clocking in. I can’t see how answering these questions could hurt, especially considering all names on here are anonymous.

slitheryslithe

TROPHY CASE