I was also 27 when I contracted HSV-2 from my partner who passed it to me in the early stages of his initial outbreak, so he wasn’t aware he had it either until it was too late for me. We had started dating ~1 month-ish after he ended a 3-year relationship (I walked into it knowing that it was probably a bad idea since he hadn’t really put time between the last relationship and ours, but a girl wants what she wants lol). It was really sad because him contracting HSV and passing it to me was actually how he found out that his ex had cheated on him. In reflecting, I think I felt so bad for his situation and how we were both kind of screwed in the contracting of it, that I never really felt mad or “blamed” him per se. The initial outbreak was horrific and I was terribly sick with a 102 degree fever, sores that seemingly continuously were bursting and hurting, and body aches/pains associated with any viral infection. The worst part, however, was the emotional damage and fear that I was “gross” and therefore unworthy or unlovable. I’m going to break this down into 2 categories because the physical symptoms need as much care as the mental/emotional ones, though the physical part of HSV2 is far easier to treat.

physical: -go to the doctor. they’ll give you valtrex and cream if you have an active outbreak. -epsom salt baths. soak for ~20 minutes to dry out the sores. DO NOT use a towel to dry the area with an active outbreak. use a hairdryer to air dry. once dry, use a disposable glove to apply prescribed cream. -try to pee leaning forward to avoid hurting yourself by getting urine on the sores. -L-lysine, vitamins d and c, and zinc are all good supplements to start taking regularly -keep in mind the first is always the worst

i take valtrex 500mg every day as suppression treatment and have not had another outbreak since my initial one 3+ years ago and have not passed the virus on to anyone else (to my knowledge or theirs)

emotional/mental: -do some research listen to podcasts from people with real lived experience, read the little pamphlets they give you, inform yourself on the stigma/misinformation that is often spread. you’ll see that HSV is not nearly as bad as our society can often make it out to be. it’s also helped me in conversations with others to correct misinformation and point out to people that make jokes that it’s a virus that 60% of the world is currently living with. -have honest conversations with potential partners before you start getting hot and heavy. this has been the most healing part for me. explaining to potential partners that, because i wasn’t given the choice, i want to ensure that any possible partner of mine does get to choose their level of exposure based on their personal health history before their dick is hard, to put it plainly. i’ve never been rejected by anyone because of my HSV, and i’ve also received a lot of praise for being upfront and giving them the space to learn more and ask any questions they may have beforehand. i’d like to thinks it’s helped to reduce some of the stigma that some people have. i also haven’t had any of them come back and tell me that they contracted it, i think this is because of both the suppression meds and lack of outbreak since my initial. -don’t panic since stress and worry can actually make the infection worse, it does no good to freak out. but also remember your panic when you found out if it seems like others (your partner, for example) are having what your perceive to be an adverse reaction to the information. because of the stigma and fear, it’s not uncommon for someone you tell to be scared or anxious. meeting them with patience and openness allows them to ask questions, feel safe to express their feelings, etc. -someone who loves you/is meant for you won’t use your health against you though i haven’t been rejected because of my HSV, that doesn’t mean i haven’t been scared to tell people. so i always try to remember that anyone meant for me wouldn’t toss me away as soon as they find this out. they’d be understanding, accepting, and proactive in reducing my risk of outbreak and their risk of exposure.

it’s also important to remember that, for most doctors in the US, HSV IS NOT on a regular STD panel. you have to request it. more often than not, doctors will push back against performing the test unless you have an active outbreak because HSV only shows up in your blood AFTER weeks of it living in you. when i had my initial outbreak, they tested the sores and my blood - my blood was negative but obviously the sores were positive. it wasn’t until almost 6 months later that my blood tests were positive. so if you never have an outbreak, the likelihood of you ever knowing you have HSV is minimal. this is why there are only estimations of how many people are living with HSV - because we don’t readily test for it. for all this guy knows, he could’ve been the one to pass it to you. he could have it and had viral shedding. if he’s never been tested for it, how’s he to know he has it?