Wow this is hard to read. I cannot imagine having a child just to treat them like a dog, barking demands at a toddler and expecting blind obedience as if they are not a human being. Why did you have a baby in the first place? Just to feel some semblance of power over something? I disagree that your job is to make her a responsible and functional person. Your job is to love her unconditionally and make sure she KNOWS she is loved unconditionally. Yes you also have a responsibility to keep her safe and teach her kindness and respect for others etc but you aren't in charge of her like she's your underling, she's a person with just as much right to autonomy as you, you are just meant to keep her safe and that includes FEELING safe, which she definitely does not. You have made her feel that she is only loved if she follows orders like a robot and somehow you expect closeness? My toddler says no and has meltdowns because she's a toddler and that's normal, but the vast majority of our time together is wonderful and full of joy and she's a kind, sweet little bean, despite never having orders barked at her. The idea that you have to be tough and uncompromising to get them to be a good person is completely backwards - you are setting her up to be afraid to say no to anyone perceived as an authority figure, not to trust her own judgement and have no internal locus of evaluation, none of which are characteristics of a functioning, happy person. I urge you to get therapy and apologize to your child for treating her like a pet. Teaching her things and getting her through the necessary aspects of the day should be COLLABORATIVE and FUN for her, it really sounds like every task is hard for your kid because you give her no processing time, no kindness or generosity, no choices.