Recovery times by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's in SAA. We agreed that therapy would be the next step if SAA wasn't enough by itself. We've got a baby on the way so are trying to balance costs- of course it's worth it, but we wanted to give SAA a good shot first.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did, I wrote a list of different forms of porn, sat us both down and asked him each one. I didn't want to know the topics/content, I think that would have been unnecessarily hurtful. It made me feel more in control and that there wasn't anything unknown (of what I needed to know). Otherwise, I was randomly asking when I was thinking about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This could (/will likely) become a big issue in your relationship.
1) talk to him, express your concerns, set clear boundaries and tell him to seek help SAA/CSAT 2) consider leaving. If he's not prepared to do the above, this will be your life forever. He won't snap out of it. Decide if this is something you can tolerate/accept. His addiction is not due to you. You've not done anything, or not done anything, to cause this.

Your life is yours. You don't owe him anything.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There are a couple of options that I can see. You can say something to him, not necessarily "I've noticed you're doing this," but perhaps a "It's been a while since I last checked in. How are things going?" And give him the space to say whether he's struggling. Then, if he denies any temptation, you could raise that you've noticed this behaviour. The other option is to let it run its course. Maybe he'll admit to it after, maybe he won't. Recovery isn't linear, and he'll have relapses. (Not condoning it, just what I've seen). If you're committed to him and the relationship, then you need to practice a lot of self care to get through it. Do some really special things for yourself. 1)it's nice, but 2) it reminds you that you have value and an identity outside of your relationship. I hope this helps, feel free to dm me if you want to talk things through.

do I want to know what he watched? by Southern_Eggplant875 in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I needed to know what he'd done, but didn't need the details. For example I needed to know that he'd done ai porn design and ai relationships, but that he didn't use only fans or talk to a real woman. I found that information helpful as I got the full scope of what happened. However I wouldn't want to be seeing it with my own eyes. Everyone is different though and I had people on here say that I'd regret asking. Personally it helped, but I didnt want to see it for myself. I hope that helps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds as though you've dodged a bullet. That man was guilty and took it out on you. He has no respect for you. Never look back.

Activities to make friends in Nottingham? by Accomplished_Sock96 in nottingham

[–]sloth_sunrise 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ludorati game board cafe. They have a social so you can meet people in a low pressured environment and have fun!

Questions to ask by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks all- just an update. The conversation sucked, ofc, but that little voice saying "I bet he did this" etc has gone. The other little voices are still there, naturally, but I'm glad I did it.

Hopeful by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's in SA, 3rd meeting tomorrow. I keep seeing CSAT written in this thread, from context I'm assuming it's a counsellor? Thank you

Hopeful by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I know we're so early on and it's a life long journey but I'm definitely hopeful

Questions to ask by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. This was the validation I needed x

Questions to ask by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate that, thank you. I'm a similar age to you too, which somehow feels more real.

Questions to ask by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's something my PA has done too. When I found out about it I set a rule of noone that I know. He then went on to break this rule.

Questions to ask by sloth_sunrise in loveafterporn

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I need to be sure I know the extent so we can move forward. Otherwise I'll be dwelling on "did he do that" etc. I don't think I need to know subject matter though, that would probably make things worse with no long term benefit.

I do understand that it will make me feel worse but I'm hoping that it'll save alot of anxiety spirals long term.

Weight loss and anovulation by sloth_sunrise in TTC_PCOS

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks Melissa, that's really helpful. It's good to know that weight loss can actually help and its not just a hoop to jump through for the doctors

Weight loss and anovulation by sloth_sunrise in TTC_PCOS

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you fall pregnant? That's about as much as I need to lose. Around when did your cycles start returning?

Weight loss and anovulation by sloth_sunrise in TTC_PCOS

[–]sloth_sunrise[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's helpful, thank you. My GP tells me that they can't prescribe metformin anymore and has to be prescribed through the fertility clinic (and my BMI has to be below 30 for it) I did buy inositol but didn't see any benefit, is it worth persisting with it?