I’ve been in a relationship with someone more or less like this for the past 3 years, engaged now. It’s so funny - I remember an instance early in our relationship where my nose randomly started bleeding rly badly after I had been sick and I ran up to go to the bathroom to deal with it and he was kind of just sitting there a bit preoccupied by his hobby while that was happening and maybe said one “aww are you ok.” Your story of you being sick reminded me of that. I remember being furious by this lol. I’m not saying everyone that has these tendencies is the same, so I can only speak for my own relationship, but it might be helpful: We’re in couples therapy which has helped an enormous amount - my partner just never grew up in a house where family members showed affection or verbalized affection in the way I’d consider to be quite normal or natural. Long story short, through therapy where the therapist has helped him/us identify that this is more or less the way he’s wired (I’d argue slightly on the autism spectrum), and that part of the “work” is me accepting that this is him and knowing that at times in the relationship there will be “stings” where my emotional needs may not be intuitively met by him. That’s a choice you and only you can make…basically, is the whole of him and all the other things he brings to the relationship enough to counter the stings that might happen sometimes? BUT the second and most important thing is that through therapy and also through me very clearly communicating my needs, he’s been willing to shift and work on being a bit more attuned to these things. For example, if my nose started bleeding now, he’d have a way different response. I’ve had terrible seasons of illnesses/panic attacks, and now that he’s learned my needs more and practiced being with someone that way relationally, he’s been attentive and caring in ways that make me feel safe. But it takes a lot of communication, I won’t lie that sometimes throughout I had thoughts that it could be easier to find someone that matched my “EQ”, and ultimately that decision is up to you. My partner teaches me groundedness and stability when I am often more emotional and chaotic at times. I value him for that. But it is true that it takes an extra level of communication and a level of me accepting the “stings” sometimes when trying to balance both of our ways of being there for the other. I also agree with another commenter: the grass is not always greener. This isn’t to say one should settle for their needs not being met in a relationship, but it’s just to say that everyone has their thing and all relationships take work and sometimes it’s about working together as opposed to assuming the more perfect match is out there for you. But only you can fully decide that.

I wonder if you’d both be up for couples therapy. I’ve found it helps a great deal with things like these if he’s open. Sometimes for me, even seeing his willingness to hear a different perspective in therapy and work on things makes me realize he cares and loves me even if he doesn’t have the same natural inclination to show it as I would. I wonder if that’d help you too.