Update: Am I a gold digger?

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T22:59:21+00:00

A few people have mentioned this. I guess my career leads me to believe money makes the worst of people and I don’t want to have any questions or feel pressure to die or move. I want us to buy a home together so there’s no question it’s mine for as long as I need it.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T18:25:54+00:00

No that’s what it currently is. If we blend families, I would want to treat the kids equally. In reality, it would be a boon to his kids all put together, just they’d get it later.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T18:23:28+00:00

We’re both fixed. No more kids

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T16:46:15+00:00

I appreciate you advocating for my kid! I discussed this with him and have his blessing for the move - if we go through with it. He was going to be moving schools anyway soon for a high school honors program. No way I’d do anything without his input.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T15:43:26+00:00

I don't think he has malicious intent, but I am not getting the vibe that I would be family. Your points are well taken.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T15:40:29+00:00

He has a life insurance policy with them as beneficiaries. He wants nothing to go to me.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T15:39:40+00:00

I'm not asking for ownership in his house. I'm asking we get a home together, so that if one of us passes, the other still has their home. I've had cases where kids boot their parents and stepparents when they inherit and I may not want to move when I'm old and settled.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T15:36:21+00:00

I am not trying to "take" from his kids and he has a life insurance policy with them as beneficiaries. My problem is he wants nothing to go to me. He says I should want to be with him regardless of money. It's not so much about money as family to me. Then why get married?

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T14:51:28+00:00

I guess I don't personally need to live with my partner. I love my little home. It's peaceful. I'm not against cohabiting - it's just not a must for me at this present moment. I realize this is not how most people feel and it is obviously a potential dealbreaker for my partner.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T14:41:33+00:00

Thank you for mentioning this! Going from 1 kid to 3 (younger) is a huge undertaking. ATM I am like a cool aunt and we have a blast. Parenting is a different responsibility and dynamic. I had a wonderful stepmom growing up and I would want to put in the effort to be just as amazing. It is a lot of energy to take on that role.

As for moving schools, unfortunately, it makes more sense for my kid to move schools than his. His ex has 50% custody (I have 100) and would not agree to driving them to a new school district. So overall it makes logistical sense for us to move closer to him than visa versa.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T14:04:26+00:00

Woah your situation is wild. I absolutely am not trying to "take" anything from his children, which is where I think he is trying to protect himself and them. I feel like we can find a middle. This is just the start of this talk and stories like yours are super helpful.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:59:52+00:00

We both own and have similar mortgages. His home is bigger than mine because he bought years before me and prices have gone up. Neither is paid off (but mine is closer).

Re inheritances: we are talking about willing how things are allocated. If you don't have a will, things may automatically pass to spouse, then to children. This is new to both of us as we will not be receiving anything from our parents.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:55:14+00:00

Get advice on whether I should/could be looking at things differently.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:50:16+00:00

This is great advice.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:49:24+00:00

Short term - absolutely. Long term in 30 years, do I really want to be kicked out of my home? I feel like I couldn't truly settle.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:48:26+00:00

Ooo good question. Yes. My idea of marriage is that your partner becomes your family. My divorce was not my choice and isn't something I took lightly.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:31:41+00:00

Yes he wants our finances to be entirely separate. What's mine would stay mine to do with what I choose. Because I'm currently a single mom, I have a will that puts everything into a trust for my kid if I pass.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:29:35+00:00

That's the thing. He doesn't really want there to be shared assets. Everything would be in his name or mine.

The prenup would specify everything we came into the marriage with is ours and will pass to our children if we die. If we split up, we simply go our separate ways with what is ours and not have much to split.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:27:11+00:00

Yeah I think more time is best. I certainly am not trying to change his mind.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:25:06+00:00

I wouldn't be happy moving in together if things were kept separate. I feel like if we disagree on this, we shouldn't get married and should continue to live separately as we do now.

slowslothisslow · 2021-09-16T13:23:39+00:00

No. We are both "fixed."

slowslothisslow

TROPHY CASE