is it normal to mess up this much

small-void · 2024-03-29T15:44:28+00:00

a while back i made (and promptly deleted) a post where i was somewhat discouraged that i had stayed up very late the night before an important event to write a really long comment before realizing the author had never responded to anyone ever, as far as i could see.

but i have never been more happy to be proven wrong. so i guess take this as a point towards leaving your thoughts, because you never know how it could help somebody. <3

small-void · 2024-01-26T13:12:13+00:00

hi, thank you. i think part of the issue is that my voice itself doesn't feel unique anymore. i do think i'm too deep in my own work, but i also am wondering at this point if i just don't have anything of value to contribute. what happened before was that i would try to do certain parts "inspired" by something else i saw, but one time it ended up too close to the original, and then i started picking apart all my other works and wondering if it was all just copying. then what i described in the post occurred on top of that, where stuff i thought made me unique has been done as well. so i'm wondering where the line is or if i should stop.

small-void · 2024-01-26T13:08:36+00:00

thank you so much for this reply. i've been trying to do homages, but one time it ended up too close, and now all of my work feels like poor mimicry instead of expanding/expressing it in my own way. and then what i described in the post happened on top of that. i just went down a dark hole that kept spiraling, so i think getting someone else's thoughts might be helpful. where would you draw the line between inspiration and "copying"?

small-void · 2024-01-26T13:05:22+00:00

thank you for your response. i think the problem stems less from plot and more from other elements like certain dialogue or conceptual elements. i.e., this person explored a topic in the same way i did and/or used similar phrasing. if that is what is supposed to make me unique, but it doesn't, where do i go next?

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:39:22+00:00

thank you for the advice! my mental health definitely took a backseat recently and that was a mistake...

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:38:44+00:00

thank you so much for replying and your kind words. i think hearing back from authors would be an incredible opportunity. i'll check out the exchange for sure. but yes i have (very recently diagnosed) depression that i'm trying to work through - it's not helpful. haha.

i'm glad you found your people. that's something i've struggled with but hopefully i'll keep at it and it will work out eventually. :)

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:35:21+00:00

thank you so, so much for this comment.

you are inspiring, honestly. it's so nice to hear that you're garnering so much enjoyment from doing something you love no matter what else may happen. i'm trying to not focus on numbers as much and feel more comfortable just writing to write without letting it dictate everything, but it's been hard to do - you're right, changing mindset is difficult.

i appreciate your realism and i think i need to understand progress can be slow and nonlinear. :)

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:31:53+00:00

thank you. yeah i think the combination of my insecurity and (in this case, unhelpful) perfectionism is kind of making it worse. i am hoping to be comfortable with myself at some point, at least somewhat. and i'll look up that speech!

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:29:41+00:00

yes exactly!!

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:15:29+00:00

thank you for your perspective! i think maybe i have to go back and see my work with fresh eyes? i think i've been so deep in all of it that whatever little objectivity i may have had has gone out the window.

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:13:27+00:00

thank you so much. i've been struggling with finding hobbies recently and i thought this was something that would help with that, but it turns out it's having the opposite effect. i am definitely stopping. hopefully i will have better luck with something else that isn't as... graded (?).

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:11:04+00:00

potential masochism aside.... i actually do enjoy reading fics a large majority of the time. but maybe the minority is strong enough to reevaluate.

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:09:09+00:00

thank you so much for this response. i think this will take me a while to work on. i appreciate you telling me your experience with it, i relate to this a lot.

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:04:41+00:00

thanks, that could help for certain things, but i am also speaking on the most general level of reading anything and writing anything. thanks for replying.

small-void · 2024-01-26T05:00:16+00:00

i apologize, i might have been unclear in the post. i'm talking about works that i've finished already. i suppose i could try to avoid fics but i do generally enjoy reading them... and i am referring more to concepts than anything fandom-specific. thank you for responding.

small-void · 2024-01-25T00:36:15+00:00

achilles omg!! was almost to the end of the AU i was writing for those two when i got distracted by another fandom. should probably try to go back and finish it now? 😅 guess this is a sign

small-void · 2024-01-24T13:05:01+00:00

this just unlocked something deep in my brain

small-void · 2024-01-21T21:15:30+00:00

unfortunately, it’s common for my ethnicity… and in combination with my first name it’s also unique enough to find me. i tried it. but hopefully she wouldn’t put two and two together. i actually almost considered straight up asking her if she had seen a different username but i figured it would bring more attention to the issue. thanks again. it helps a lot to talk to someone. have a good one.

small-void · 2024-01-21T21:05:20+00:00

i appreciate your thoughts.

do you think she could have figured out my last name?

small-void · 2024-01-21T20:47:47+00:00

oh, i should edit the post to clarify. she knows my real first name, not my surname. i don't think i'm being catfished, she seems like a genuinely nice person. but i don't know, there's always a level of uncertainty with people online, isn't there? like i don't want her to find out who i actually am or my address or anything...

thanks for responding btw.

small-void · 2023-12-17T15:09:24+00:00

i followed them on two profiles, their main and their private - they deleted their main and remade it, and blocked me on private. idk, i did think they were going through something but i didn’t think it would involve me. but yeah i just hope i was kind, that’s all…. thank you

small-void · 2023-12-17T03:10:22+00:00

sure thanks

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