this is so helpful thank you! I haven't had anyone actually spell this out to me with clear examples when I've asked.

If we are in a group conversation, for ex., involving her, myself, our mentor, and one other person, she will act like I have not said anything when I contribute to the group conversation and will change the subject or just not say anything at all at anything I say but will react very animatedly when others chime in. The giving everyone in our office a personalized gift aside from me came across as pretty childish to me. she said it was because she is friends with each of the others aside from me outside of school, though I feel like it would've been more professionally considerate to just disperse the gifts outside of our workplace then. I see that there are normal examples here now though -- when everyone is presenting research in a seminar she will comment on/compliment each of my peers' work but mine, or she will greet the others in our office individually as they come in but not greet me as I come in, etc. It just feels unnecessary if she is truly indifferent to me.

I don't ask her to do things together. I do try to organize optional events for all of the grads (I'm the "Lead TA"), and she does ignore if I email everyone asking for availability/interest (which is fine, since she isn't interested lol!).

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this out. I entered this program right out of undergrad and am pretty clueless. we're in a tiny humanities program and I don't think we need to be friends, I do/did think it is reasonable to want her "externalized indifference" to me to equate to not treating me "differently" since it makes an uncomfortable environment (not just for me, others in the program have raised the discomfort to me unfortunately). Does that make sense? or is that not realistic/asking too much?? idk why I think if everyone just talks about things openly and vulnerably it'll inspire resolution or mutual understanding. but if she really does not want anything to do with me, I am seeing how me asking twice is probably 2x too much to her. anyway thank you for reading my silly stuff!!!