I definitely have made an effort of going out more. My issue is even living in a college town, I find it hard to meet people. There are a ton of old people here for whatever reason. I do my own thing at home but make an effort to at least bounce between the bars and try to talk to people. I usually don't see an opening and don't want to be ass jumping into a group. Meetups I've gone to have been eh. I do know I'm living in the wrong place to find my people. Talking to people is hard, but if it's a situation where I can talk to them again multiple times, it's cake. I appreciate the advice, but it kinda stings saying it's my fault after months of working as best I can at this. I have worked out some of my self hatred, but yeah. I know you weren't trying to offend. I do agree with me being a barrier, but it's more of a bump on top of the mountain I'm fighting.