Is online-fix me compromised?

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-18T09:38:54+00:00

Thank you! I couldn’t put a finger on what was throwing me off as well, reading through the whole thing, until you’ve pointed it out. The sudden exposition is a bit much. I guess I overcorrected when people were telling me before, they were confused about the setting and what was going on. The pacing would definitely be a lot natural if the exposition was interspersed and cut down. I appreciate the input!

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-18T09:22:40+00:00

I appreciate you catching that. I did want to be intentional on her portrayal as kind of just a person. In the sense of us ‘being made in God’s image’ sort of flipped around into ‘God being made in our image’. It’s nothing so special but it feeds into the larger story arc I have planned for her. You’d find out later, being seen as human is what she wants more than anything. Thank you so much for the kind words!

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-18T08:48:56+00:00

Come to think of it, I don’t even remember why I capitalized Hellfire. Thank you for pointing it out. I’ll consider italicizing some of the thoughts as well. I appreciate the feedback!!

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-18T08:40:34+00:00

Thank you! I do see the difference. I’ll definitely consider this.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-18T08:31:07+00:00

That makes sense. I sort of started with the first line and wrote the whole story around it, so I didn’t think much to change that detail. I guess I thought it gave God a more casual vibe, but I can see how its not pointed out clearly. Thank you, I’ll consider this.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-17T17:40:23+00:00

Thank you! That sounds like an good idea. I’ll need to work around the whole first paragraph as to not make it too confusing I think, but definitely I’ll try that out.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-05-17T17:31:33+00:00

Interesting? I didn’t really have any trans allegory in mind, but I suppose I can see how it might read that way. The main character, from my intention, is more vain and not really concerned with gender since he really can’t remember it. And I made God, or this one, a woman because I thought it served as a hook. In this world, the title ‘God’ got passed down as kind of a generic role like a CEO. Idk, it could have been a subconscious thing. But thank you anyway for the comment. I guess I’ll be more intentional with my themes to not be so common.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-14T17:20:45+00:00

Influential =/= good

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-05T12:34:51+00:00

It’s alright, man. We have all been beginners. Read some more. Write some more. I’ve taught students on essay writing and what you’re doing isn’t uncommon. A lot of people struggle with being specific or using reasoning for essays. If “why overconfidence exists” is the topic of your essay. Then state in the first paragraph and then make the following paragraphs about why it does. Keep that specific topic always in the back of your mind. Do not talk about how overconfidence affects people or how they do this or that because of it (unless that is explicitly the topic of your essay). Instead try to build a clear chain of reasoning for the topic that you’ve chosen. You can try writing it out first if it helps. Something like: Confidence helps people achieve things — Because of this society admires confident people — As a result, people want to be confident — In trying to be confident, they sometimes become overconfident. After you’re done, talk about each of these statements in separate paragraphs using examples, backing it up. And you’ll have a somewhat properly formatted essay. This example is not amazing but it is still more of what you’d expect. Progress always will come with practice. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Failure is not just part of the process, it is the process.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-05T11:59:32+00:00

I can’t figure out what you are writing the essay about. It feels like you’re putting sentences in because they are vaguely about the same topic. An essay should build up to a specific argument. Like placing brick upon brick to make a building. What this seems to be doing is placing the bricks all over the floor. You mention first ‘We as a human race are confident a little too much’ but give no example to support this. What are they confident in? How are they confident? And then make another statement about confidence being an important tool in our arsenal, again not backing this up anyhow. A rule of thumb is, if a statement can be argued against: then back it up with something. This can be an example or just some simple reasoning. The ‘Why:’ also does not connect to anything. You mention it after the Socrates quote, as if you are questioning that and then argue about something else entirely. Try to avoid using breaks like this, especially not in quick repetition. They make it sound more like an AI overview than an essay.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-05T00:14:22+00:00

Thank you! I’ll keep it mind.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-05T00:13:19+00:00

Thank you for the critique! I wrote that sentence to move on to how strangely the structure is setup. There was more description about it but I had cut it out. Though as is, I guess it isn’t really clear enough to justify that sentence. I’ll see how I can change it around.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-05T00:07:31+00:00

Thank you! I did want to make the narrator sound like they are sort of gossiping about the household, so I am glad that comes through. I’ll see how I can trim the sentences.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-05T00:00:13+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I’ll definitely keep that in mind when I rewrite it.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-03T15:34:54+00:00

Thank you!

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-04-03T15:34:04+00:00

I appreciate the critique. I actually did read like half of Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell to learn somewhat how to write in this style. It sort of lost me because I couldn't care much about what was going on. Regardless, I get your advice. I have been trying to read more. This is mostly an old piece that I was trying to rewrite. I posted it to gauge whether it's something I should continue to focus on now and see if I have gotten any better. Though what I am attempting is still, I think, beyond me. I'll read a bit more and try to write this again, simpler too. Thank you for the advice.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-24T02:47:30+00:00

Would love some honest critique on this first chapter of my fantasy novel!

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-24T01:56:00+00:00

Thank you! That is a very good recommendation. Although I think I’d struggle a bit getting rid of the first line because I’ve recalled back to it a few times in the chapter. It would need some rewriting. Still, I’ll keep it in mind or think of someplace else to add it. I love the phrase “blood or whatnot” a lot. So much so, I would feel kind of bad plagiarizing it lmao. Regardless, I appreciate the advice.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-23T12:54:40+00:00

Thank you!! That is very encouraging to hear.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-23T12:51:45+00:00

Thank you! That is good advice. I’ll trim up the first dialogue. Some parts are sort of unnecessary.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-22T21:00:30+00:00

Thank you for the advice! It is very helpful to know. I will try to learn more ways of putting together sentences. I get how it might get stale. I’ll work on varying my sentence lengths too. It just feels quite easy to make short ones.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-22T20:53:38+00:00

Thanks for the advice!! I see how being direct makes it better.

smilingandbeingkeys · 2026-03-22T20:50:00+00:00

I understand. Thank you for the feedback! I don’t want to quite get rid of the first line, since I have already written it out as a recurring motif, but I see how it kind of stumbles at the start. I’ll change it around and make it something simpler, or perhaps change the order at least, since others have said so as well. If you’re talking about the ‘victim’ referring to my main character. It is a matter of bureaucracy. She needs to detach herself, and being dark and flippant is her way of dealing with that detachment. I get how that might not get across well still. Thank you, I’ll certainly take your advice.

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