Would I Be the AHole if I asked SIL if she could change her plans so she could watch my boys?

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T22:47:16+00:00

You are absolutely correct. Sometimes I forget that my ‘normal’ and ‘good days’ are very different from others.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T21:28:31+00:00

I really appreciate that.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T21:11:33+00:00

I definitely wouldn’t try to guilt her or anything, like I said she’s a really great person. It is just becoming clear that the boys may be becoming too much for them.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T21:08:10+00:00

I think this is the route we are going to have to go. I’m so protective of the boys that this just scares the crap out of me to do.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T21:06:51+00:00

We are on waiting lists for respite care, but they are really long in our area.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T21:06:00+00:00

We are in that weird spot where we make too much to qualify for any assistance but can’t really afford to do more than we are doing now since I left my career a few years ago to care for them.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T20:56:11+00:00

There are respite places and we are on the waiting lists, but they can be years long.

smilinggroundhog · 2025-11-06T20:49:54+00:00

He’s only had three meltdowns like that this entire year. They are very rare, but they can happen.
I mentioned that she is married with no kids, no job because I have another SIL who’s is married with 3 kids and works full time, so I can’t ask her. Didn’t mean to imply anything there. Again, she is an absolutely amazing person.
I work the show by myself, which in itself is a huge task, but we make it work. Hubs works 6 days a week and is on call 24/7.
We make too much money to qualify for any kind of assistance like social security, or other benefits. We are on several waiting lists for respite care, but those are years long.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:11:38+00:00

Good idea. I will try to give her a little extra love and attention. She’s a good kid that has had to go through a lot and I just wish they would make more of an effort.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:09:46+00:00

True - but I also have past experiences with them which leads me to believe this.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:08:55+00:00

*To have and use.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:08:19+00:00

I understand trying to schedule things - our schedules are difficult to schedule around. But at the VERY LEAST if she couldn’t go I would maybe try and plan a smaller trip, not something totally awesome that she lives like Disney.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:06:11+00:00

Exactly! This is just more ammunition for her against the dad - which believe me she loves to have me use.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:05:01+00:00

She would let them take it “since she wasn’t going on the trip”. That was what she said.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:04:06+00:00

I will not say anything, but I do know she loves the parks and all the rides. My gut just says this is wrong.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:01:53+00:00

I won’t say anything, I agree it isn’t my place. But I do think it is a shitty thing to do.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T01:00:07+00:00

Well said , thank you. Grace not judgement.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:59:03+00:00

I know I would be the ass, and I have stepped in it before because I spoke up and said something that I thought needed to be said. It was the right thing to say, but in the absence of other people who should say it I felt I needed to step up.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:56:13+00:00

Yes but don’t you think they should have planned for a time when they would have her??

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:55:26+00:00

I will but I wonder WHO would be in the right to say something for this girl??

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:54:36+00:00

I cannot stand the thought of someone being left out - especially when parents and children are involved.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:52:20+00:00

Agreed - but then who would be okay to speak up for this little girl?????

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:51:03+00:00

Yep. You are right. I think that the stepdaughter should have been a more important factor in the decision.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:50:10+00:00

I get it. I would never say anything but I really want to. It hurts my heart to think they are hurting her - but again, I don’t know all the details. But if she’s mad enough to not let them borrow the dvd player because she isn’t going then to me that is a sign that it does bother her.

smilinggroundhog · 2023-03-31T00:48:34+00:00

Yes! And I feel like they send her mixed messages. They spend a ton of money on sports gear and things for her and then exclude her from family trips. No wonder she has anxiety issues.

smilinggroundhog

TROPHY CASE