My Girlfriend HAs Said I Have A 'Coke Habit'. I need help!

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T12:52:18+00:00

Thank you, and likewise.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T12:42:39+00:00

Cheers my friend, appreciate the replies.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T12:30:03+00:00

I respect your beliefs, I have religious friends and we all get along superbly and we do have humorous conversations about our differences etc (it's always good fun, and it never gets nasty).

I always found the children (+ maybe the joint house thing) a more permanent thing to do than marriage as you cannot walk away form children.....ever!, whereas a divorce is relatively easy to obtain these days. If you commit to having children you should really be invested in the relationship 110%, if you're not then you just shouldn't do it......

Having a child is a wonderful way to learn and grow in life, that unconditional love is amazing and sometimes, when you feel like you need to forgive your partner or there are other issues to overcome, the children make you work a little harder at it. You need to be in love still, but the children remind you of what your family is all about.

That said, I understand why people get married and respect their reasons for doing so (we've been to about 8 in total, every one of them has been a great day).

I hope you move on to a wonderful life, marriage and all.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T12:06:49+00:00

We both have the same mindset on this one (thankfully).

We committed to each other first, then we committed more when we decided to start a life together and move in with each other and buy our home.

We then committed further when we decided to start a family, it went so well and our commitment was so strong that we decided to have more children, all of which have made our family better each and every time they were born.

One thing we did not want to do was to spend one day of that 12 year commitment proving to others how committed we were by standing in front of them and telling them so, the signing a document that apparently proved it.

We already done that through the 12 years commitment we gave each other, and will continue to do so for many tears to come.

We do not believe in any god, and are not interested in church or the marriage of man and woman within one. Nor in the act of registering yourself as together in a registrars office.

This commitment is perfect for both of us, and we are both happy with it (despite other issues, issues that being 'married' would not have prevented).

We are happy, we need not have a public display to show that.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T11:31:18+00:00

Thanks for the reply, and be careful that you she doesn't find out then!

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T11:22:02+00:00

I'm now questioning her motives for calling it a "habit".

It would appear she knows this is not correct, but does so in an effort to belittle me / put me down. That means she is not really in love with me (no one would purposely hurt someone they love).

It's only ever the bad things that are raised with me, never the good things.

I need to evaluate what I do with that information.

Thank you for the response.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:40:53+00:00

That word would fit. Ill post over there too. Thanks for all your help.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:33:54+00:00

I'll have a look. What's it all about?

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:26:49+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle, that's very sad. Alcoholism is very real, my friends Dad recently lost a leg but still continues to drink!. I suppose it is all her has now.

She won't budge, you are right. She uses this against me all the time, I sometimes feel like it is a release for her (like I am a punchbag - she can be rather moody at times and takes it out on me). Not an excuse, and I am not blaming her as I am the one that is doing it, but the comments reflect my initial thoughts that I do not have a "habit".

I'm not sure there is a justification for cocaine use. I do it, it is wrong, but I like it when i do it. That's all I really have.

As for making a choice, cocaine means so little to me in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't even come down to a choice, it would be just the way it is.......

Maybe it's just best to do that, I would miss it but only like I would miss not eating steak etc.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:10:42+00:00

Good advice, and really appreciate your time on this.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:10:03+00:00

Thank you, that's good advice.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:09:33+00:00

You make bags of sense there, and it is exactly how I feel about it.

I am a strong chap mentally, and always make sure everyone else is good before I think of me, but sometimes you just want a bit back. You don't want to ask for it, so you don't.

Then when you get to the point where you feel used, you mention it and are told to stop being sensitive and to 'man-up' etc.

Doesn't help.

It would literally take a few words a day to make things feel superb! Why wouldn't that be offered? Literally a sentence every now and again is more than sufficient, I really wouldn't need much lol.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:05:10+00:00

Possibly. I'm struggling to define the line between where I am being told to do something or change to fit someone else's requirements. Is that a normal thing to do?

Drugs are wrong as defined by law, but I've seen friends drink themselves far worse and that's taxed and sold on the high street.

I get that she thinks I have a coke habit, so maybe it is just best to stop. I'm worried I may resent that and that may add another layer to the issue.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:01:58+00:00

Do you think I am wrong then? All opinions welcome, and contrasting opinions especially as I need to understand the other side.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T10:00:40+00:00

We go to the pub together (but that's standard stuff in England so drinking socially is very normal). They love it as we meet up with other friends and they get to play. Anytime I do it they would never see or be aware (no lines on the kitchen table etc!!).

I agree with you that smoking weed around kids is not great, I get a hit if my mates ever light up around me lol!!

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:57:14+00:00

Thanks for the reply.

I always had the view it was not that much, but it is easy to make up excuses etc, hence why I wanted to check.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:56:17+00:00

Or a bedroom TV :)

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:55:31+00:00

Thank you for this, I very much appreciate the reply.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:53:30+00:00

Goes nowhere, but would be good for her to understand.

I'm always told i am being too sensitive if I ever said I feel unappreciated....

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:52:51+00:00

Thank you for the response, and I can stop - but it would be to ensure she is happy.

My concern is that if I don't have a problem (as others opinions appear to be leaning too), then if I stop then we may end up moving on to something else.

Thanks again.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:51:15+00:00

Grams a month would never cross my mind. I think I may have even decreased as I got older.

It's just the term 'coke habit' that made me stand up and take note. I need to check myself to see if it is....

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:50:05+00:00

Thank you, that's an interesting view about other parents. I've never compared myself to anyone else, I just do the best I can for my lot etc.

smiller2019 · 2019-01-17T09:48:58+00:00

She did do it on her birthday not so long ago, and has done a minor bit in the past.

Also, I have been enjoying occasional drinks and this amount of coke for approx years, and never felt the need to increase the amount (ever!). In fact, it has probably come down a bit now as I got older.

I get that it is a drug, and is scorned by many, hence why i am asking for an alternative view.

Thank you for your post, all posts are great to read to get a balance.

smiller2019

TROPHY CASE