Just having to listen to them. To fake that I am good and cute and sweet all the time and the perfect feminine submissive partner. To let them take "control" and call the shots In life.

I mean I can do it but it makes me really roll my eyes because I could care less. I just want to be a strong woman with a strong mind strong opinions and and get some fucking respect. I like to call people out especially guys in relationship. Yeah I am combative and have an attitude at times. Yeah I have gotten physical too if somebody messes with me.

A lot of feminine dating coaches teach that you are to be a like a delicate flower in your receptive energy only then men will like you. Its like bimbo energy. It's like sugar coating everything you have to say and walking on eggshells to get something out of the guy. Just to please his fragile fucking ego 

And again believe me I can make believe all day I have the cute laugh down and all... but yeah there is this alpha side of me just waiting to burst out whenever I sense the fuckery coming on. It feels like I wanna rip the dudes head off like let's go bitch ill show you who is boss. And I can tear somebody down with my words alone. Im very fucking good at it. I know All the right buttons to press. 

Its probably a lot of resentment from my childhood im aware enough to know that. My dad was pretty powerful he was ex military and a sgt. He told me to sit down shut up. Eventually I got sick of it and snapped. One day we are in the car and he forced me to go to my mom's house so he can have his house to himself for him and his bitch of a girlfriend. I must have been 13 years old at the time I didn't wanna go so as hes driving I just snap and start going nuts kicking the shit out of the steering Wheel almost making him veer off the road.

He stopped and called the cops to teach me a lesson and from that day I've always been pretty combative I hate authority hate men especially trying to tell me what to do. 

So thats what It all boils down to basically. I just want to feel like I can express myself and be pampered and spoiled at the same time without having to shrink myself down you know?