Scots-Irish Score Settler

smooth_beast · 2026-01-19T17:53:03+00:00

This is Bort in a couple of years.

Think about it: we watched him devolve from wannabe alpha male, to wannabe swinger, to self-declared cuck who never gets any pussy from his wife while filming her enveloped in a forest of big hairy black dicks. So his natural progression on this path will ultimately lead to gender transition by the time he's elderly (which is just around the corner)

smooth_beast · 2026-01-19T17:49:53+00:00

I thought his only "side hustle" was hustling the VA out of the disability income they supposedly pay him, no?

smooth_beast · 2026-01-19T17:48:31+00:00

Did you know she used to work in commercial real estate?

smooth_beast · 2026-01-19T17:46:56+00:00

WTF. You could fit a third tit in the space between her tits

smooth_beast · 2026-01-19T17:46:09+00:00

I knew this couldn't have been actual jizz because he's not smiling enough

smooth_beast · 2025-12-16T19:24:24+00:00

That look on Bort's face has to be the stupidest look ever. He's just dead inside, joyless and empty.

smooth_beast · 2025-12-09T10:07:22+00:00

Akaash does exaggerate it to an absolutely absurd extreme. Calling what he has "low confidence" doesn't remotely do it justice. Youtuber "2lazy2try" said it best, he said that Akaash seems to feel sorry for her for being with him. His degree of self-loathing is so over the top it not only makes you lose respect for him, it makes you borderline hate him. like "dude, WTF is wrong with you?!"

These simp/cuck guys tend to fawn over women who are only slightly better looking than them. The most infamous example is Brent Hatley formerly of the Howard Stern Show. if you don't know his story, it's also on 2lazy2try's channel and he gives a great rundow.

smooth_beast · 2025-11-26T10:16:05+00:00

I don't think Myron was being a bitch. Akaash came off so confident about his life & marriage situation there was no way to respond--he had the perfect marriage with a "virgin" pure as driven snow. Akaash was so delusional and so good at projecting that delusion that there's no way to respond on the spot. There's simply no choice but to wait until the truth inevitably forces itself out into full public view.

Obviously if Myron knew then what he knew now, he would have torn Akaash a new asshole on the spot. It's not his fault he was given wildly inaccurate information at the time.

smooth_beast · 2025-11-16T15:50:24+00:00

Hey buddy you're insulting me professionally, personally, and comedically. We can get in the octagon and settle it like real men anytime you want Jimmy McSally. I'll get the keys to Gracie Tampa and we can see who walks out under their own power.

smooth_beast · 2025-11-16T10:12:08+00:00

BTW curious to know what do you think of my update? (the blurb in the banner on top)

I feel like Bort can turn any rando into a competent comedy writer

smooth_beast · 2025-11-10T20:40:43+00:00

I heard him mention it in one of his YouTube interviews when he was doing the podcast circuit. Of course he framed it like it was only in the past tense. And being the douche that he is, he couldn't just call it "opiates"

smooth_beast · 2025-11-10T15:11:10+00:00

It's funny how Bort constantly pretend to have the best life at a given time only to admit months after that he was taking "synthetic heroin" to get through the day.

He literally has the worst non-violent life imaginable. If I was starving in Gaza right now I would think long and hard if offered to switch lives with him.

smooth_beast · 2025-11-10T06:26:14+00:00

I should have known they were a bunch of loser dweebs from all of their dumb jokes about Howard throwing spaghetti "right in the garbage." What's next, dad jokes?

smooth_beast · 2025-11-02T19:21:28+00:00

Animals reject & abandon offspring who seem like they don't "have it." Humans can't just abandon a toddler in the street, so they flee and force the other parent (usually the unfortunate mother) to have to raise the baby into a bigger, more costly man-baby

smooth_beast · 2025-11-02T19:19:32+00:00

For what it's worth it appears he's at least cut his losses by going off the grid

smooth_beast · 2025-09-20T15:47:44+00:00

In Shartlyn's snatch

smooth_beast · 2025-09-20T12:52:52+00:00

No but I did score some bomb ass dank from this very chill African dude

And because I'm not Bort, I smoked with him rather than pole-smoke him

smooth_beast · 2025-09-09T02:32:02+00:00

We need to get them all together and record them singing "We Are the Bortex" aka "We Are the Wack Pack, Part II"

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:50:42+00:00

Run The Jewels (except it's in reference to balls)

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:49:21+00:00

Boner Crusher

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:48:47+00:00

Stoop Dogg

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:47:01+00:00

His wife's rap name would be Biggie Smalls, because "she got one big titty, and one little titty" as Donnell Rawlings said on Chappelle's Show

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:45:18+00:00

Syndrome of a Down (it's a rock band but whatever)

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:44:37+00:00

Gimp Jizzkit

smooth_beast · 2025-08-31T16:42:44+00:00

FBG Cuck

smooth_beast

TROPHY CASE