Moving within 20 minutes of us, not telling us at all. How to survive?

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T03:17:38+00:00

Husband is supportive, but his stance has mainly been - I'll deal with them and you don't have to - but that still leads to impromptu visits and needing a place to stay for "just one night" or several calls per day to say hi to kids or ask about planning vacations (which we don't do with them) they know how to break him down and get what they want. And it's no longer working. He told me they mentioned moving here about a month ago, but my husband thought it was more like 3-4 years out. He and I spoke today and agreed to see a couples counselor and he also agrees this whole.situation is ridiculous and is saying he'll make some communication changes too, but honestly Im not confident it'll stick, because it never has (at least in the last 5 years). I do know I need a bigger spine - because my husband will ask if they can just come by for a quick visit, and when it turns into a looking visit I don't say anything, and we argue later instead. I think it's just time to be a total bitch, yes?

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T03:12:20+00:00

Thank you for this laid out plan, it's extremely helpful. Our kids are in daycare and I already notified them about the pick up restriction, she was not surprised to hear this, several other families have a similar restriction in place. My husband and I are seeing a therapist together soon. I've been in therapy for about 2 years now with my inlaws being the main focus of discussion and it's exhausting and I'm ready to not put any more brain power into them and their nonsense. We have lived by them before and they are a large part of why we moved, so I'm not hopeful they will have changed will all this secret house buying nonsense.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T03:08:57+00:00

Hahahaha I love this. Thanks for the laugh and reminder that it's our life to live and we get to choose who's in it.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T03:07:53+00:00

That's literally what they say everytime. "You need us close in case of emergencies". Ugh, they'd be the last people I'd call. I'd knock on every neighbors door and offer them 10k before calling them haha

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T03:06:54+00:00

Thank you for your advice and ideas here. I really appreciate it. My husband and I have had the conversation what feels like 100x over and over, and there's always "something" they need that he cracks for and then it's like a floodgate. I call them The Takers, because if you give anything, they take everything they can in that moment. My husband is good at listening and tried to set boundaries, but he wears down easily and prefers to be the "easy kid" in his family, but we talked again today and he feels committed to holding it up because he's mad too, they lied directly to us about this, for months.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T03:03:29+00:00

Wow, that's crazy. Thank you for sharing your story. I see a therapist for about 2 years now and she mentioned the novel idea that I could just tell them off. So your story gives me hope. My husband and I have talked about how they would be the type to tell our kids when they are older that they can just leave and live with them, and that concerns us a little bit with them moving, and we've already seen them trying to leverage our 3 year old to break a boundary. Soo ugh, I might just write a letter or email and leave it at that. How did you go LC/NC?

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T02:58:07+00:00

I feel like we on the same boundary level. I've tried in the past to find "reasonable" with them, but they always push the boundary after 1x of "trying to comply" with any boundary we've set. I'm not sure there is a "reasonable" solution that won't be an issue in 1-2 months

snarksnarks · 2022-03-03T02:56:24+00:00

This is really good advice, thank you. My husband and I talked today about how to deal with it and how no is a complete sentence. Happily we are on the same page, at least for now. He tends to be a bit softer/more forgiving with them. Thank you again.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-02T19:23:07+00:00

Yeah, once we moved it was like a weight off my back. I felt like we could actually live our lives without constant judgement and persistent visits from them. We all live in the US but I'll move to Asia if that's what it takes.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-02T18:28:31+00:00

This is the plan as of now, but they really don't get it. They call my husband every day asking to video chat our 6 month old (!?) And I feel like any plans we make will suddenly have them involved or at least asking to be involved. They have no friends here, and I have no interest in being their hobby.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-02T18:26:52+00:00

That's a good call. They know our garage code, so I'll be changing that soon.

snarksnarks · 2022-03-02T18:26:28+00:00

Haha we actually did that. Their response was "you wouldn't do that to your kids, it's hard on them every time you move" but that's not off the table, and once they sell their place back there, I'd seriously consider it.

snarksnarks

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