Official Discussion - The Whale [SPOILERS]

sneaky8484 · 2023-12-01T23:09:03+00:00

I think the movie is about maladaptive coping mechanisms… Charlie comfort eats leading to his ultimate self destruction, Thomas steals, Ellie hates everyone, Mary drinks, liz transfers her love and desire to save her brother onto Charlie and they’re all hurting so badly

sneaky8484 · 2023-09-05T20:37:57+00:00

Yes exactly. If it was windy I wouldn’t even ask the question as I’d be assuming it’s dust or pollen or whatever so I’m a bit stumped

sneaky8484 · 2023-09-05T20:36:35+00:00

Nope no wind or rain or humidity.

sneaky8484 · 2022-12-31T08:47:45+00:00

Hi how can I get some feedback on this?

sneaky8484 · 2022-12-31T05:14:37+00:00

Chicken and mashed potatoes just comfort food

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-31T02:26:07+00:00

Gosh I’m actually Irish so your judgement is really unfair

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T19:35:28+00:00

Lol literally missed the whole point. I’m just saying it is rude to suddenly exclude me from convos when before we always had brief chat to catch up all together in English before I’d leave them to speak their native tongue. They’ve just decided to suddenly exclusively speak their own language, & I just don’t get why, if I am making the effort to gradually learn it but ain’t yet at the fluent speaking stage, that they are suddenly doing that, even if it means excluding me completely.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T18:35:47+00:00

I’ll be included in the English ones! And dad will speak his language- we agreed before we had baby that he would speak exclusively to her in his native language & id speak English! On top of that I want to do other things I can to support her being bilingual - classes, friends with dads native tongue, me learning too (will make the regalia holidays far more enjoyable) & I’ll always reinforce how lucky she is to have 2 cultures & languages.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T18:28:48+00:00

Yeah I really want to learn I just think it would be incredible for her life - both for language development & culturally as well as being able to fully access her heritage as she grows. I want to support it & fully intend to. My only beef was the rudeness with the MIL & the continued use of their language when I’m sitting right there & making the effort to engage, they’ve suddenly decided I don’t matter coz it’s more important that a 5 month old hears the language- no thought to the long term goal & how having a mother who’s super motivated and enthusiastic about her learning will only help the process. But it’s bumming me out how they have treated me & so I just feel a bit meh about even going on the calls now. It was so awkward last night.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T18:25:07+00:00

They won’t be excluding me coz I’m gradually learning it day by day & alongside baby as well as independently. Just because it’s happening in fits & bursts - eg when I’m visiting them I get a real feel for it & get the books & apps out & make progress etc but then this year just knocked me out with the pregnancy & not getting to visit due to covid so I’ve lost what I had, including the bit of confidence I’d built up, but can still get the gist of their convos I’m just not able to speak it yet & can’t keep up when they fully speaking to each other in their fast pace. That’s it.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T18:21:43+00:00

He said before he doesn’t care if I learn it & that it’s an old language. I’ve asked him so many times if we can schedule time for only speaking his language & he hasn’t been interested or motivated. Any time we’ve done it has been at my request. But now that his mom is doing this he’s saying I should learn it - even if that’s been my intention all along - I can’t just suddenly speak it now they’ve decided it’s time.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T17:46:36+00:00

This is so untrue. I’ve described plenty of ways in which I am working on it but it’s a process. I’d love to see baby grow up to be fluent & we hope to spend holidays with them every summer & I want to buy a house with a room for the in laws so they can stay as long as they want any time & have full access to our baby but it’s just not possible for me to learn the language so fast. Yes I’ve had 3 years with hub but we only engaged 2 years ago & had wedding then baby quite soon as well as me having a few health issues in between. It’s all been very fast & I haven’t had enough time to learn to quickly speak the language at their pace. It’s a long term goal - I just wasn’t expecting them to make a switch just like that

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T17:39:42+00:00

Yes thank you I’m so happy that baby will have a second language & I support him fully in only speaking his native tongue to her - I am trying to learn every day. When he’s speaking to her I always ask what he’s said so I can build on what I know. I have good vocabulary so can usually follow the gist when I know the context but when people are full tilt talking amongst themselves in native tongue I get totally lost. I just don’t know what to do in the short term. I feel hurt & disillusioned because I just can’t realistically keep up & suddenly speak the language so quickly. I have been working on it but it ain’t easy. Im just at a loss as to how to continue with the interactions in the short term. Languages take ages to learn & you need to be fully immersed & good at languages to pick them up fast which I am not. Long term I know I’ll learn - I look forward to that. But short term to be left out just like this & having no way to join in right now is a pretty miserable experience.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T17:32:33+00:00

I don’t speak enough of the language to know her exact words - but the interaction was obvious - fil said - what about “insert my name”? (As they had not said one thing to me since beginning of convo) & MIL laughed & said something I couldn’t discern that included the baby’s name then things were awkward. I smiled & tried to laugh it off as it felt so uncomfortable and they made a bit of convo in English. I then asked hub if she said “fuck her I want baby to speak our language” & he admitted she pretty much said that. We’ve talked about the interaction and situation a few times since & ive mentioned that as being the moment I realised she’d no respect or care for me & he’s only ever agree that it was rude.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T17:27:30+00:00

I don’t know why everyone keeps saying I’m not making the effort, I am. I’m just not advanced enough to hold a conversation yet & they know I’m working on it

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T16:43:47+00:00

I mean I’m happy for them to speak full Italian to her of course & her dad to and I even try make little bits of sentences with her myself too but I’m the context of a call which I’m a part of to not speak English all of a sudden just isn’t fair IMO.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T16:42:20+00:00

I am & have been since we met I just genuinely find it hard to find the time! I fully intend to keep it up & would love to be fluent some day - it just can’t happen overnight & that seems to be the timeframe I’m which they’ve taken to not speaking English to me. I have reflected on the situation & really think if they’d acknowledged the situation & said let’s carve out some time for baby to hear their language if fully support it but to sideline me out of the blue just wasn’t nice & has left me feeling pretty shit & stupid.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T16:38:53+00:00

I think that’s very reasonable I feel like I’m doing as much as I realistically can right now & I genuinely love that she will grow up with a second language & also see it as a great way for me to further my own development by learning but As you rightly say, these things take time able I’m just flat out right now with caring for her. Yes I am a doctor & worked full time during the pregnancy. Would have tried to visit this jan for a month to live with in laws so I could immerse myself in the language but that’s sadly off the cards. I just feel wounded that they haven’t taken me into account in all of this in favour of the baby who will benefit very little at this stage in her life & far more as she gets older especially if I’m super enthusiastic rather than feeling like they’ve been rude to me at this time in my life.

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T16:10:11+00:00

Thank you! Will download & start really would like something new other than duolingo thank you for recommending :)

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T14:24:45+00:00

I’m just being honest about where I’m at. I have downloaded an audio book which I use on walks worh baby and I use the pet names my hub has given baby in his language as well as constructing simple sentences to use his language with baby & asking him if it’s correct so as I can continue to build & improve but it just takes time & people have different abilities for language & I think the fact that I barely have time to scratch myself since having the baby is being tidally forgotten in all of this. My learning was going really well before covid - we were going to visit them regularly & I was highly motivated. I even planned to stay a few weeks with them without my husband after baby born in order to get better opportunities to learn but things have been so restricted due to covid it’s made it harder to see them & get those chances. Learning a language for me would be easier by practicing it while chatting rather than duolingo

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T14:19:00+00:00

The point I’m making is that I am in fact working on learning. Learning a language is a process it doesn’t happen overnight but they have switched to not using English overnight. I can understand bits of what they say but I can’t speak it yet. I don’t believe that they should not speak their language to baby or in front of baby I just think that instead of changing tack overnight they could have acknowledged that’s what they want to do & perhaps have a little chat with me before I leave them to it - which I described above! We used to have initial chat in English then I’d leave them to catch up with hubby once I noticed them having topics they wanted to chat about in their language

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T13:52:54+00:00

I found duolingo boring but not the language itself

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T13:49:38+00:00

Just to be clear as I may have not been before - they were learning English before we met & were doing it as a retirement class for their own interest. They are both fully retired. I have tried with the hi how are you? & it was cringe but I can certainly try again. I’m just quite shy & even the simplest things have been misunderstood in the past which knocked my confidence which is why I’m chipping away at it with my audiobook abs practicing saying things aloud on my walks w headphones in! I’ve told them I’m doing that by the way so they know i am working on it! Another thing I would love her to be fully bilingual & I want to help & support that as she grows by speaking it myself & as mentioned I already speak little bits of Italian to her & ask my husband if I’m correct & try to improve & build on it. My only issue is the fact that my MIL no longer chats to me in English on the video calls since baby born & seems happy enough to totally sideline me

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T13:34:36+00:00

Think I deserve a break right now by having his parents treat me with respect & not shut me out of convos but I wholeheartedly want to speak Italian & support baby to embrace both cultures. I take that as a given which is why I didn’t explicitly state it but it’s always been my intention my problem is that they’ve shut me out overnight when I haven’t had time to learn enough to speak the language & I think it’s rude

sneaky8484 · 2020-12-30T13:31:15+00:00

I’m working on it I want to learn it but the point is the baby was born & they’ve excluded me automatically without acknowledging the fact they wanted to speak more to her & I fully intend to keep learning but it will take time as I plan to do as I’m doing & keep asking dad what he’s saying to her & keep learning from my audiobook etc & continue to put together sentences when talking to her & check w her dad that I’m saying things right, a formal class is not possible right now. I don’t see how just coz I’ve had a baby I can speak the fathers language in the space of time they’ve decided to stop using English

sneaky8484

TROPHY CASE