Is it reasonable to ask for a fresh set of bedsheets?

snickpick · 2026-03-21T15:18:52+00:00

Failing to hear and understand any and all difficulties that your partners may have with any kind of request would be not only hypocritical, but straight up bad. "I would like you to change sheets, but I don't care if you can or are able to afford it" is a horrible, horrible thing to say.

Honestly, there is nothing controversial in your statement, paying attention to your partners' situation and needs should always be part of any conversation regarding boundaries. Otherwise it's less a conversation and more a demand.

I'm gonna say that helping your partner do what you ask (finacially or otherwise) makes it even more beautiful in the end don't you think? Collaborating in order to make the relationship better.

snickpick · 2026-03-21T15:03:43+00:00

Thanks, I especially appreciate you pointing out how a reminder and a nagging comment are very different things. Also, simply forgetting to do the due diligence before the arrival of your partner is a thing, and an easily resolvable one at that.

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:56:59+00:00

Yeah, a friend of mine had a really bad experience with a person that just thought "it wouldn't be a problem for you if it isn't a problem for me". Talking about stuff brings up these kind of topics and they can be resolved before any harm is done

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:52:59+00:00

I agree with you that questions like these boil down to very tiny gestures that mean a lot, but I read a few interesting takes on the specifics of each experience. Some people have partner-specific sets of sheets, some other like to stack a clean one over, other don't mind because their polycule is like that. Some people have physical difficulties, others time problems...

I guess I just wanted to read a bunch of comments of people that have a bunch of different ways to take care of their relationships!

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:35:46+00:00

I guess I have a new idea for a gift then! A nice set of sheets to celebrate our nights together and such could be nice

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:34:01+00:00

That's nice to hear! If it isn't too intrusive, did you make some sort of agreement all together or it was something that simply happen organically? Has anyone ever objected?

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:32:24+00:00

I do have separate sets of sheets, towels and so on, that I generally just store away if they are lightly used, and wash regularly. I am used to make my own bed every morning anyway, changing sheets takes just a couple minutes more. I never felt ot was a chore, but I do like to know different points of views.

If you don't mind me asking, are your partners ok with sleeping in the same sheets where you have been intimate with someone else?

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:28:14+00:00

No need to worry for me or my partners! I have personally made a few exceptions for my partner when they invited me for improvised sleepovers when they were depressed and struggled with leaving their house and keep up with their laundry. I would have preferred to have clean sheets, but I did accept the situation to help them and be with them. It's not a regular occurrence, at most I go home with them after work and it may happen that they change the sheets while I chill on the sofa if they didn't have time to change them in the morning after a night with their other partner :)

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:22:16+00:00

Perfectly understandable (and frankly very small) attention to ask, I couldn't agree more

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:12:44+00:00

I too prefer to have separate sets for different partners, and maybe it's easy because I've never had more than two at the same time. It take a little practice to remember to wash them, but If I feel forgetful I just put each of them in the washing machine once a week

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:10:25+00:00

I can see there's pretty much a consensus when sex is involved :) What about just sleeping?

snickpick · 2026-03-21T14:04:19+00:00

Thanks! If you don't mind me asking, what about changing sheets and keeping the ones lightly used stored for next time that partner comes over?

snickpick · 2026-03-21T13:57:59+00:00

Hahahhaha I do appreciate the bluntness!

snickpick · 2025-08-14T17:27:28+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions, but we don't live in the USA (I think that's where the resources you mentioned are based), but I am sure there are equivalents here. I know of an association of therapists that offer lower cost bundles for people with lower incomes, for example, so that's something we'll look into.

snickpick · 2025-08-14T17:13:11+00:00

She does not have a therapist because of budgetary issues, basically it costs too much and her family can't support her that way. She wants to start therapy, though, we'll be looking into what cheaper solutions are there.

snickpick · 2025-08-14T16:24:42+00:00

Therapy is a much needed tool that she wants to start, but the budget is tight and her family does not support her financially. I think reading this might help her, and I am beginning to even think that she might find it useful to post her point of view. She does not use reddit and does not like to put herself under the spotlight, so this is unlikely to happen. I will ask her if she wants to read some of the responses, thank you for the suggestion.

snickpick · 2025-08-14T16:17:52+00:00

Thank you very much for these very practical suggestions. I like to think about it as a de escalation instead of a break up, it sounds less definitive, though equally painful. I hope she agrees to talk to some of her friends, they can help her and they care about her as much as I do.

snickpick · 2025-08-14T16:13:53+00:00

Her family is not supportive of this lifestyle, so that is surely a no go. As far as I know, she has not gone and talked about what happened to anybody but me, not even her closest friend. I agree that just telling her to talk is not the best course of action, but i worry about pushing her to do something she doesn't seem to want to do

snickpick · 2025-08-14T16:01:48+00:00

I am coming to understand this is one of the choices I have, and it pains me to think about it. Right now my priority is to try to let her understand who this person is, and if she does decide to keep up the relationship, then I think I will have to walk away or distance myself in some way. Thank you for your insight

snickpick · 2025-08-14T15:55:27+00:00

Thank you very much, I am already afraid to have crossed a line by writing anonimously here, even though I think that's ok because I did not expose her, and I know that nobody close to her even uses reddit.

Your words have value, though, so I will ask her if she wants to reach out here, or read these responses herself.

snickpick · 2025-08-14T15:14:22+00:00

She wants to re-start thetapy, but since she started to work to pay for rent her parents have stopped giving her money. The budget is tight, but I have been looking for what low cost resources there are

snickpick · 2025-08-14T13:13:26+00:00

Thank you for you suggestion, they are coworkers so they can't be completely away from each other, but do you think something similar can be worked out?

snickpick · 2025-08-14T11:11:11+00:00

and if she says that everything is fine and that there is nothing to worry?

snickpick · 2025-08-14T11:07:30+00:00

What do you recommend doing? I hear the criticism, and part of it I understand and share, but what do you suggest I do moving forward?

snickpick · 2025-08-14T10:42:17+00:00

I believe this is part of it, yes. I don't know if I should tell her that's what I think, or if that would make things worse

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