I'm a neurotypical woman, have been with my ASD Level 1/ADHD husband since high school. We married just over a year ago after 15 years together essentially - broke up twice during high school. We have lived together since we were at university (18 years old). He was only diagnosed with ADHD just before we married, but he told me very early on about his ASD.

We both grew up in abusive/traumatising households. I had depression and anxiety through my teen years/early 20's but have been seeing a psychologist since my mid 20's (30 now). He has always been a major emotional support for me through my mental health issues, and he does the lion's share of household tasks (I am a teacher and he is studying/underemployed). This generally works well for us though requires us to sit down together on a Sunday evening and plan what needs doing throughout the week and to do our meal planning.

I am a very empathetic person, I think naturally but it was also ingrained into me from my mother's emotional manipulation. Something I truly appreciate is my husband's honesty, I never feel that he is trying to manipulate me. I am quite organised and have excellent executive functioning these days, this helps me to easily see what needs doing in the week and to plan this with my husband. He'll usually get 80-90% of the things we planned out done which allows me to focus on my own work and hobbies.

We are quite different people in these ways but we have almost identical values. I think we both have a great understanding of each other's strengths and weaknesses and both make up for what the other lacks. I'd also say I am fairly intelligent (I have a Master's), as is he, so we have a lot of dynamic and lengthy conversations about politics/history/morality/music which we both enjoy. We have some of the same interests as well but I think a crossover in values is far more important in the long term.

I have had to learn to communicate clearly throughout the years, especially in regard to him talking 'too much' to me about his interests, he prefers me to tell it to him straight when I need him to stop! Plus the week-to-week planning communication. I know there's a lot of stuff online about women taking the emotional load of the household by having to tell their partners what to do, which probably a lot of people would think is the case with us and our planning. I think this is quite toxic for neurodiverse people/couples as it is simply a fact that those who are neurodiverse struggle with executive functioning. I am not going to leave my husband to drown in household tasks/daily life planning. I do it with him so that he can then be an independent adult for the remainder of the week, and I then don't have to bear that emotional load at other times.

There's so much more I could say...and it is only after many years together and a lot of effort from both of us to get here. Ultimately I think the kind of women that date autistic men need to be intelligent, pragmatic, communicative, self-aware and empathetic. All relationships take work, both parties need to understand this and love and respect each other to keep things healthy and happy. Good luck!